How do I get past my DDs fear of moving?

[Wheresthatgiantwrinklecomefrom]

I really need practical advice here, or positive stories. We are relocating and my DD age 8 is distraught. I never thought I could be someone to move my kids, but well, now we are those parents. We have considered it for a year and gone over and over the effect on the kids, asked teachers advice, read the whole of google. It is for the good of the family and there will be so many positives, but none really I can sell to her. Because she is just shutting down and crying every time we try to talk to her.
I understand I really really do. I was an unconfident child and hated standing out at primary school, which is how she feels. She doesn’t want to be the new kid and for everyone to stare at her. She is more confident than she lets on though, and I do believe she will be ok after the initial first week or so. But I don’t know how to talk to her about this. I really don’t want her to be dragged in kicking and screaming on her first day as it’s exactly what would create her worst nightmare.
Her brother and sister are excited about the move which isn’t helping as she feels so alone in wanting to stay.
I am so worried it’s hard to keep my nerve with making the move.
I should say she is not upset all the time, she is her usual silly self - if a little bit more lashy outy which is to be expected. It’s just if the ‘move’ is mentioned.
Has anyone else experienced this?

No advice but I also moved age 8 and hated it. Went from temperate rainforest to have adventures in every day and metre deep snow every year to boring suburbia. I still feel traumatised by it 24 years later, wondering at the remaining amazing childhood I missed out on. Hopefully you can find a way to make it less upsetting for her.

Oh god tiger. I think we are making (not quite as exciting) the opposite move - for that reason that I felt so bored as an older child. From rural suburbia to somewhere with a lot more to offer. Did your parents have good reason to move?

I moved from a farm cottage in the middle of the country side and an idyllic garden with fruit and nut picking, hop training etc etc to a tiny narrow terraced house in the centre of a large town at 7
I spent the next 4 yrs mostly in my room as it was a concrete jungle
The reverse would have been great - but maybe I’d have reacted the same way

Have you seen the film Inside Out? It's an animated film that deals with emotions around a kid having to move. It's perfect to show her - age appropriate, funny, and comes good ...

Oh yes, we have! I forgot about that. Thank you travail. Great suggestion, it’s a brilliant film and it’s been a long time since we’ve seen it.
Sounds like a hard move QOD. 4 years is a long time to be unhappy. It’s such a gamble.

@wrinkle oh that's great! I guess the promise of lots of nature and adventure doesn't entice her? I guess it is what you grow up with that you like.

Yes, very good reasons - we were pretty poor and dad needed to move to the mainland for a way better job. But we (the kids) had no idea about that. For example we'd get the electricity cut off a few times a year for non-payment but that was enormous fun as we got to use candles and have baked potatoes in the fire for dinner! Many times I've thought about moving back but the adult realities are there - few jobs and even fewer professional ones (I'm a software developer), winding mountain roads that I'd be scared to drive on every day, etc etc.

If she thinks she doesn't like nature it will be so hard to sell the idea to her - unless you can think of some activity she has always wanted to do but can't cause of your location. Eg sea scouts if you're moving near a lake or ocean? Piano lessons if you're getting a bigger house and have room for a piano? Something like that?

My Dh is in the military so we move every 2-3 years. My dd(6) and ds(4) struggled with the latest move as they are no old enough to miss friends. We put a lot of emphasis on staying in touch with friends, FaceTime, writing postcards and sending parcels. We talk lots about friends old and new. Lots of emphasis on new adventures.

And, tbh, sometimes it just gets a bit much trying to cajole them so we acknowledge their feelings but tell them that as the adults we are making this decision for the good of our family and that is that.

I make sure they know they can talk to me about anything and that we wouldn't do anything that we thought would hurt them or make their lives worse.

How about a worry monster or a diary so she can write down her thoughts? Or get her to write letters to you that you write back to so you can try and discuss her worries?

I moved aged 6 and remember being distraught. I liked my old house even though looking back it was totally unsuitable for us. It wasn’t even super far away but to this day I remember wishing for a long time that I could wake up and it’d all been a dream that I’d ever moved at all.

In hindsight, I think it was very good for me. I made new friends and wouldn’t have had anything like the opportunities I had in my new school. Honestly I don’t know if there’s a huge amount you can do except have faith that the risk is worth it and that she will settle in. Once I got to school, the activities did keep me busy. I did settle in quickly and actually was a lot happier. My parents bought a piano and we got a hamster too. It seems silly looking back but it really helped. I remember my dad buying some outdoor Christmas lights too, also thrilling to me aged 6.

Sorry I don’t have much advice other than to say I totally relate to how your daughter is feeling and it worked out for the best. Some people just don’t like change and are very settled in their routines. It’s an important life lesson to show her that change should be embraced tho, even if it’s really difficult! Try and encourage her to talk, give her things to look forward to and take each day as it comes

There are so very good suggestions on this thread. A bit of bribery might help too...choosing a new duvet for her new room...being able to start an activity she'll love e.g. horse riding...having room for a den or a tree house. What can you offer her that might sweeten the pill a little?
Also, have the children been to see their new home? Driven round to look at whereabouts schools are? Played in local playground? They can all help replace the fear of the unknown with a bit of reality.