Baby prefers dad

[cocomomo]

I'm currently on maternity leave with my 9-month old. I look after her during the day, and DH takes over when he comes home from work until her bedtime. At the weekend, he probably spends more time with her as I'm cooking, cleaning, etc. DD is exclusively breastfed, and I do all the settling for naps and bed, and feeds during the night.

DH is a great father and very attentive to the baby. He probably actively plays with her more than I do, and loves being silly to make her laugh. DD's face lights up when he gets home, and can't take her eyes off him.

This is all wonderful, and I am happy with the split of childcare/work between us. However, some off the cuff comments from MIL recently made me feel like the baby prefers DH to me. And today, the baby inexplicably freaked out after her nap and looked scared of me as I held her and was inconsolable for ten minutes; this has never happened before.

I feel really heartbroken. I don't know why she freaked out today; she was fine and happy with me earlier. Has this happened to anyone else? It seemed like she was upset and I wasn't enough comfort.

I also know deep down the baby probably doesn't prefer DH to me, but it's going around in circles in my head. Can anyone share similar experiences and help me feel better?

Thank you.

Don't mean to sound insensitive OP but I had a slight chuckle at your post. I've been there... Many times.

3 DCs and they have ALL gone through phases of preferring DP and I remember feeling upset due to hormones (I guess?!) and the fact I breastfeed/did all the night feeds etc.

My 18 months old recently has decided daddy is the favourite but I'm fine with that as at least I can get a moment to myself

Don't be heartbroken about it, your DC loves you just as much and its nothing you have done!

I've been there too. It is so hard at first but after a while you come to slightly enjoy it being a "daddy day" because you get to do things in peace

Agree advice above xxxxx . It is ok xxxx

I'm glad I'm not alone. And I don't mind you chuckling - I'd rather I'm being overly sensitive!

Will I get to be the favourite too at some point? Or should I up my silliness game??

DS (19mo) goes through phases like this. I can understand why you would be hurt, but it shall pass.
Whenever DH gets home from work, DS rushes to see him cos he knows it's play time. When DH gets up with DS at weekend when it's my turn for a lie in/veg in bed for a bit, DS will get upset if DH passes him over to me for a quick cuddle as he wants DH. But other times he will refuse to hug DH and go straight for me. If it happens now I just accept it and enjoy my brief child free moment, as I know he'll soon be clinging to my legs.

Also, when I get home from work, DS seems even more happier to see me, he starts screaming as soon as he spots me.
And no, you don't need to up your silliness game, your DD will love you for what you do, you don't need to be like someone else.

My sons all preferred me, by far. This made it quite stressful at times when I had to go back to work. DD is the opposite. Happy enough with me but prefers DH. I'm actually relieved as I have to go back to work soon, but at the same time feel a bit like you at times. I tell myself it's def for the best as he actually does the lion share of looking after the children when I'm working. Be kind to yourself :)

Yeah...DS (14mo) is like this at the moment too! Has been on and off for months. Sometimes he'll shove me aside to get to daddy. It does make me feel a little bit upset at times but he's just always with me so he doesn't have any opportunity to miss me at all! On the few occasions I do leave him for an hour or so he's just so happy to see me again so I just try to remember that when he's screaming dada at me!

Been there got the t-shirt that's covered in sick and other stains
I was at home with my youngest for 9 months and the parent that was with him the most until he was 18 months, in the last year my husband became the STAHP and has become my son's favourite...I've had words with my son but at 2.5 he doesn't worry about the person who carried him for 9 nearly 10 months, sacrificed her body, got up with him every night...NO it's daddy who plays hide and seek with him the little traitor darling

DD definitely preferred DH when she was a newborn and slightly older, and I felt exactly as you do (plus I had pnd so I totally beat myself up about it). But now she's 5 and would usually choose me and loves doing things with me and being my little helper. So don't worry!

This is so completely normal. Babies and toddlers also switch preferences every now and again to confuse you. Your baby loves you. Trust me

Thank you all so much, I really appreciate it and feel loads better already.

Like sickoffamilydrama said, I do all the nights, I'm the one physically carrying all 10kg of her everywhere in a sling, I'm constantly thinking about how to make her happier (with activities, food, toys, etc.), and wtf she prefers daddy!

I will try not to take it to heart! It really is so lovely seeing her and DH together.

cocomomo I know exactly how you feel. My 12 week old DS is exactly the same and it’s been really upsetting me too: he screams at me for 10 hours a day, then the second his dad gets home he’s all smiles and gurgles. It really got me down over Christmas when DH was off work, as it really brought home to me how much more fun DS has with his dad than me. Meanwhile I’m the one awake for an hour and a half in the middle of the night every time he needs to feed!

I am Mil with a fabulous DDIL, I love her very much and she is a great mother but I think I may have been very tactless about my DGS. I'd say something like aw isn't he pleased to see his daddy. I didn't mean he doesn't like his mummy. I was just so very pleased to see that when my son came home from work he would step up and take over the care of my DGS so my amazing DDIL could have a break. They have another baby now and both of those children love their mother and father. Please try not to take it personally

Massively dofferent to your situation but I have a God son who I provide a lot of childcare for. One day his mum and me were having a coffee and she popped him on my knee to go to the loo. He screamed and screamed until she took him and that day every time I so much as caught his eye he screamed, if I talked to him he screamed.

Never happened again. To this day have no idea why but obviously it was short lived lol

Scientifically, babies see their mothers as an extension of themself, not as a separate entity, and their father is normally the first individual that they begin to acknowledge outside of this relationship.

So, basically, what you're feeling is normal, and it's not that your child loves your husband more. Your husband is just probably seen as being 'exciting' because he's more of a novelty. (I don't mean that to sound harsh).

I know how you feel though. My DS went through a similar stage. All he wants is me now though!