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Original poster

How to cope with toddler and newborn

22 replies

vgiraffe · 30/12/2018 10:35

Baby is due soon and I'm suddenly starting to get nervous about how I'm going to cope, especially once DH is back at work. DD will be almost 2 so still needs me a lot. I'm also worried about the baby waking her in the night. So just after any practical tips on how to cope! I know I will just have to but the thought of it is making me anxious all of a sudden.

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Chocolateheaven123 · 30/12/2018 10:38

No practical advice myself but I'm also in the same boat. Suddenly panicking how I'm going to cope with a toddler and newborn. My son will be 2y3m when this baby is due. He still wakes in the night and is a very busy child so I'm having a freak out.

Just wanted to offer virtual support. Hopefully someone will be able to give you some advice soon

nevisbump · 30/12/2018 10:50

Take it one day at a time. I have 15 months between my two and it was hard at first and I asked for lots of help. Used to be around 4 each day they both would have a meltdown (and me too) but worked through it and made sure I had things to distract them both with. I breast fed which was hard at first (my second is a chunky baby 🤣) but it became easier, fed on the floor while I played with my toddler. Yes they wake each other up at times but don't stress, sit on the floor with them til they both calm down. If I'm honest I find it harder now when people try to help, we have our own routine which works well for us.

My youngest is 13 months now and she adores her big brother and vice versa. And I wouldn't have it any other way

yesmelord · 30/12/2018 10:54

I'm due in April with DD2 and toddler will be 2.4 by then.

I know that the first few months are going to be tough but I see older kids with their siblings that are closer in age and it looks like it's worth it in the long run, and a few months down the line after DD2 is born it will be 'normal' just like it was after DD1 was born.

No real advice obviously, but virtual hand hold! Your not alone

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IRanSoFarAway · 30/12/2018 11:05

My 2 are 21 months apart. It was very difficult as 2nd baby did not sleep well and I BF. I did feel like a zombie a lot of tbe time! Ask for as much help as possible, even if it's someone to take them out for walk for an hour. If I had a nursery close to me I would have put the toddler in even just for a morning. Find baby groups, playgroups etc that you can take them to to get them out the house.
The best thing is now they are older, they get on well as they are close in age.

No two babies are the same, so don't expect them to be- they all have their own personalities!
Good luck

TooMinty · 30/12/2018 11:14

CBeebies, sling, get out the house as much as you can - Toddler Group etc. Make sure you have some one on one time with the older one. It can be hard in the early days but it's lovely when they are older and play together. Good luck!

MercuryRising · 30/12/2018 11:15

Try not to worry. It is a steep learning curve but you will soon find your way. I would lower your expectations initially if none of you are dressed until mid morning initially it is not the end of the world.

I learnt very quickly to make sure toddler had everything they needed before I bf baby. So for example breakfast and a drink. Dp helped by making ds and I lunches and leaving them in the fridge when making his packed lunch that way if I was having a hard day with the baby it was one less thing to worry about.

I also found it helpful to try and get out of the house every day if possible (even just to the local shop) as it stopped toddler ds and I getting cabin fever.

Good luck but you will soon find your way.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 30/12/2018 11:19

You’ve had some great advice already and you’ll be fine, there just a few more tips here on Kellymom

Original poster

vgiraffe · 30/12/2018 14:04

Thanks for the tips and handholding! I'm hoping to bf again this time but DD was a big, hungry baby and fed a lot so that's part of what worries me if DS is the same! Feeding on the floor and getting DD sorted with what she needs first are good ideas though. I struggled with the adjustment when DD was a newborn and I know it will be hard again this time but for different reasons! Knowing that others have made it through and are rewarded with good sibling relationships is reassuring!

OP posts:

nevisbump · 30/12/2018 14:22

Just do what works for you and your family. And take all the help that is offered, simple things can make the biggest difference to your day.

I also found having someone to talk to helped a lot especially when I was at home all day with them

FannyAndMoonface · 30/12/2018 14:29

No advice but place marking! I'm due DC3 in the summer and have 2yo twins and my heads exploding thinking of the practicalities at the moment.

Tweety1981 · 30/12/2018 14:31

Don’t worry 😉 had two very close together ... felt daunted but coped and coping absolutely fine .. manage to take them out
Most days.. first few months are challenging but if you have a bit of help from a spouse or family you will be absolutely fine

Tweety1981 · 30/12/2018 14:33

I say no practical tips aside from sticking easy quick meals in the freezer to help u get through first few weeks and accept any help people offer as long as they are helping and not taking the baby off you to play !’

minipie · 30/12/2018 14:41

Rope in your DH as much as possible. For the first few months DH dealt with toddler night wakings, I did baby. DH also took over cooking when he was around and various other jobs. If your DH can get back home for bedtime, at least some of the week, that will help a lot as that’s the hardest time IME.

Accept that the TV will be used more than before - but don’t have it on all the time or it may not work when you need it to... For example for a while, DD1 would watch TV after bath while I got baby fed and settled in the evening (this wasn’t at newborn stage but a bit later once baby had a bedtime).

Playground when the weather is ok, burns off energy for older one and the walk helps get a nap for younger one. Sling better than buggy as then you can follow DC1 around the playground even if DC2 is asleep.
In fact sling generally. A good one is worth the money. Bouncy chair also v helpful.

Changing station downstairs as well as upstairs. Anything that gets regularly used that lives upstairs, consider bringing it downstairs so you don’t have to keep popping up and down.

Hand baby over to DH when you can, so you can get some time with DC1 (and some time to yourself... maybe...)

TheRhythmlessCarolMan · 30/12/2018 15:06

Placemarking!!!

Original poster

vgiraffe · 30/12/2018 17:43

DH works shifts so weeks will vary from him being there every day to hardly seeing him... Dreading nights when he's working but sure we'll cope!! Don't have a lot of help at hand nearby but I know that DM will be happy to come and stay for a bit if I'm really struggling. Already have a bouncy chair and sling and sounds like those might be even more useful this time round.

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Beansprout30 · 31/12/2018 23:15

I have 23 months between mine, luckily my toddler sleeps quite well but I co-slept and fed lying down with baby and we've had plenty of sleep which helps get us through the days.

I always get up at 5.30 and be showered and ready for the day before toddler wakes otherwise it throws me and I feel rubbish not being properly ready. Dh works away all week so I'm own. I aim to be out of the house by 10am everyday, that's when toddler is usually bored or will have a little nap

It's daunting but you will cope, now baby is 7 months I keep a Buggy in the dining room so when I'm own my own i can get her down for naps in there super quick rather than trying to spend ages settling in the cot. Do whatever works quickest and easiest

AprilShowers16 · 31/12/2018 23:25

18 months between mine and there have been some tough times but to be honest the newborn days were fairly easy. Felt so much more confident than the first time around and just got on with it, it’s got much harder since baby started crawling and walking but we’ve adjusted and mostly survive:

Baby crying is generally a lot quieter than toddler crying, we never found that the baby crying woke the toddler even now they’re in the same room and baby wakes multiple times a night still. DH took over most toddler duties in the early days including any night wakings. He actually slept in a separate room so I could focus on baby without waking him meaning he had energy to get up early with toddler etc. I also found getting out most mornings a life saver because toddler could play and I would just sit.
You’ll be fine, it’ll take a while to adjust and you’ll have moments where you’re all in tears but it’ll go so quickly

Wavingwhiledrowning · 31/12/2018 23:49

DD3 is now 4 weeks and I have a 2 year old and 4 year old, so I've been in your shoes twice. I stressed out each time. But you find a way. Both children have amazed me with their resilience and understanding of the situation. And if it all goes wrong some days (which it does!) it really doesn't matter. If people don't sleep, have a quiet day. Cbeebies is a lifesaver! Don't expect too much of yourself but you'll be amazed at what you can do. The early days are probably the easiest so use them to find your routine routine and build your confidence. Good luck!

Eeeeek2 · 01/01/2019 08:47

Dc2 is 4 weeks so early days yet

Dd hasn't woken ds unless it was very close to the time I would expect them to wake anyway

Slow cooker, dd is attached in the afternoon/evening so I'm doing lots of slowcooker recipies when things are a bit more calm in the mornings.

Have nappybag packed and ready to go so it's one less thing to do to get out the house.

CBeebies is your friend some days lots

TheRhythmlessCarolMan · 01/01/2019 10:05

How did you all find pregnancy with your DC/s?
I was so so tired all the time in the first few months - needing naps when I don't usually do this at all (even with newborn now!).

I just can't imagine being able to 'listen to my body' with baby/toddler to look after too, but would like to try for a second child at some stage.

Stroller15 · 01/01/2019 10:15

I have a 12 week old and a 2 year old. The beginning was really hard, but now that we're all in a sort of routine it's much easier. So as with everything, it does pass. My dh works nights so 5 nights out of 7 I do bed and bath time alone, for us it was all about getting as much ready as possible. I also make sure my toddler has everything he needs before dealing with baby because it's easier dealing with the little newborn crying than ds1 having a tantrum. Ds1 is also in nursery 2 days a week which helps! I don't have family close by so if you do, use them, even to take the toddler for a walk.

LuluJakey1 · 01/01/2019 10:15

DS was 2.4 when DD was born. These things helped:

DS went to nursery 3 mornings a week- DH dropped him off so those days I just had DD to deal with.
I didn't breast feed. DH did half the night feeds.
Tommee Tippee Pefect Prep machine in bedroom at night.
We went for a long walk every afternoon- wore DS out and helped DD and me sleep. It also helped me with my fitness and I felt better for that.
DD and I had three mornings where if she had had a bad night, we could have a lie in and a snooze.

It was hard but not awful. DS wasn't that keen on her at first- he wanted a duck or a kitkat not a baby- but he loves her to bits now most if the time. She is 20m and I am 7 weeks pregnant with what will definitely be our last.

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