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What should I do? DD hysterical when I leave her with my STBXH.

3 replies

ElleEmby · 29/12/2018 14:52

My STBXH and I co-parent our 2 year old DD - he has her for three days a week and she's normally fine about being dropped off.

She was ill over Christmas and in and out of hospital (could have been serious but fortunately they caught it early and so she only had to have outpatient appointments but it was still pretty disorienting for her and injections were unpleasant).

She's 90% better now but when I handed her over after Christmas she became completely hysterical and was begging me not to leave her. He called me the next day to say he was taking her back to hospital and I could hear her in the background saying "I want you mummy". I asked if it was okay for me to come with them and he said yes but then leaving again was even worse than before, she was gripping onto my foot like a koala and I had to prise her off to get out the door.

My STBXH says that she cried for a long time afterwards and asked for me the following morning. He thinks that this is the price you pay for splitting a family and that the answer is a) for us to give it another go or b) me to move nearer to him. For various reasons I don't want to do either of these things.

I feel horrible leaving her and really worried that she'll think I don't want to be around her. I feel like just driving up there and grabbing her and saying that he can see her every other weekend but I realise this is not a sensible solution. I want her to have a good relationship with her dad and I don't want to make him unhappy but it's like a knife in the guts to have your child begging you not to leave them and just walking out the door anyway.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Or have any advice on what I should do?

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 29/12/2018 15:15

IMHO, three days a week is too much for a child that young to be away from its primary care giver. Try speaking to a child psychologist/ family lawyer about what it best for a child of that age and/ or usual access arrangements for your situation.

Julianaa · 29/12/2018 15:18

Agree with thethoughtfox. Is there any way you or ex would spend time at each other's homes? e.g. Have a meal together, play a board game together with DD?

Chargertest · 30/12/2018 15:15

I think she just wants her Mummy as she's been poorly and probably feeling a bit overwhelmed and unsettled. Can't you make allowances with your ex and both be flexible n these types of situations to do what is best for her and let her stay with Mummy for a little longer

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