Answering the door

[NotCitrus]

In many threads about leaving children alone at x age, people say they would leave them alone but not let them answer the door (though others say they'd not let them use the oven and make them have a takeaway, which presumably would need answering the door...)

I don't get why answering the door is a problem. Mine have since age 5 or so, when we stopped bolting it to stop toddlers escaping. In all the years I've lived here, people ringing the bell are daily posties and couriers, who hand over a parcel or wait for an adult to get down to sign, or child says mummy is having a nap, please leave it next door.

Then there's a few neighbours wanting to borrow tools/ask if I can take their kid to school. A few chuggers. The police, a couple times asking about the house opposite. 15 years of a slightly-dodgy area and never any problem.

So now ds is old enough to stay alone for a bit (max half an hour), I've told him to put the chain on before opening the door, and only take it off if he knows who it is, and if he's worried it would be OK to slam the door shut.

What do others do?

If mine were home alone, definitely they wouldn’t be answering the door. It’s a give away that they’re home by themselves if an adult can’t answer the door. We don’t have a chain (and anyway a chain is easily cut), so not an option. But if mine were home by themselves (they’re still too young), I wouldn’t want them signing for parcels or lending things out to neighbours or admitting as much to the police. I don’t think any of that is as important as keeping them safe. If people really need me, they’ll come back and knock another time.

I stayed home alone in school holidays from probably 10, overnights from 13 and was never allowed to answer the door.

My children are told not to open the door. There is no need.

They would not be home alone long enough to need a take away.

Parcels can be left in a relatively secure place. What point is there to my kids answering the door?

Today a man arrived at 10.30, rang the bell and wanted to give me a card (he could easily have put through the letter box) for his landscaping services.

We have a sign on the door saying we do not do business at the door.

It is probably highly unlikely the caller would be an opportunistic burglar but why risk it.

No benefit to me or kids in them opening the door. Any friend of theirs or mine would call or text.

mindutopia were you home alone overnight at 13 or just in the night/evening time?

I let the 14 year old answer the door but if I leave them both in I tell the 11 year old to ignore or fetch the 14 year old, if he can be parted from his xbox.

I think it’s entirely child related though, some are more sensible than others. Also, as a pp stated, I’m not sure I’d want any strangers knowing that the 11 yo was home alone.

@Italiangreyhound I was home alone usually for 2-3 day stretches at a time. I had a single mum who needed to travel for work and no family around to help. So I cooked my own meals, set my alarm, took myself to school and back (it was walkable), would go to the food shopping, etc. It was great looking back and never had any issues, but I didn’t make a show of being there alone.

Worst thing that ever happened was one time I fell down the stairs and dislocated my knee (eventually needing two operations on the stupid thing!). I dragged myself upstairs, got a bag of peas and laid on the sofa for the next day until she got home.

I wouldn’t leave my dc overnight at 13 personally and this was roughly 1990 so pre-mobile phones, but all was fine. I think she trusted me to not do anything too stupid (apart from falling down the stairs and all..)

mindutopia I am speechless at your situation. You do amazingly well.

Does depend on the age of the child, and their personality and their confidence and experience at talking to people they don't know.

I think, overall it makes sense to go with 'don't open the door' when I'm not here, when they are pre-teen though.

I let mine open the door if they feel comfortable to. I had a friend who was left in her house when the whole street was evacuated, as she was home alone and told not to answer the door. Police obviously assumed house was empty.

We opened the door all the time. No issues.

Standard "Sorry my mum/dad is having a nap, come back later" is all you need.

All you're teaching them by refusing to answer is to be suspicious and distrustful of strangers. Unless you live in gang territory, when was the last time a local child in your area was killed, injured or kidnapped on their front doorstep?

"All you're teaching them by refusing to answer is to be suspicious and distrustful of strangers."

I am suspicious and distrustful in terms of allowing strangers access to my home, so I think that is fine.