Help me make a decision - make or break (mears again)

[mears]

I have posted a few times here about my inability to submit my masters dissertation.

Anyway - it is now crunch time. I was advised to submit evidence to the mitigation panel to be allowed to continue. This I did explaining how I am a main carer for my Dad who has Alzheimers, I had a seconded job last year that was very demanding etc. etc.

The mitigation panlel wrote back to say that this evidence should not go to them, I should ask my supervisor for an extension. My supervisor had advised me to write to the mitigation panel.

In the meantime, the programme panel has met and I am going to receive a letter advising me to exit with a post grad certificate because they did not receive any information from the mitigation panel supporting my request!

Are you still with me?

My supervisor has advised me that I have grounds for appeal as this process has been cocked up - mainly due to her advice.

However, the situation remains the same that I have not completed my dissertation in the past 2 years.

If I appeal then I must be commited to getting this finished. If I exit now I can bin all the papaers cluttering up my bedroom and my life!

If I continue I will have to leave mumsnet for a year because posting here distracts me from getting on with my dissertation.

I am indignant about how this has been processed but i am not sure that I can deliver if an appeal is successful.

What should I do? What would you do?

how big a difference would the diploma versus the masters make ?

If not much - I would cut my losses and bail out now (and probably write a letter of complaint to the relevant authorities at the way it was messed up, and say thisis partly why you are giving up now).

Sometimes you just have to retrench to what you can cope with at the moment (and caring for someone with alzheimers is a pretty but commitment on its own).

I have a postgraduate certificate. I had a certain amount of time to upgrade it to a masters with a dissertation, but I never did. Wish I had done. No one knows what a post grad cert is.

I know nothing about post grad stuff, but all i can say is that you sound like you have a lot on your plate..and your supervisor hasn;t really helped.

will your masters help you in progressing your midwifery career? i presume it is part of a long term plan

in which case, leaving mumsnet for a year would be a wise investment for the future.....

if you are still your dad;s carer and have other pressures that are going to make it unrealistic to deliver, can you get any help to take over some of the practical day to day stuff

sorry you are having to deal with all of this

I'd agree I'm afraid that a postgrad cert, though worth something to you as an individual, will not mean a lot in the workplace.

Only you know whether the reasons you wanted the Masters in the first place are still valid. If not, then cut and leave it. If they are still there, then I would work out how you are going to find a way to commit (I'd agree a year's exeat from MN is probably a good start - awful though it will be to lose you!)

Just spend a few minutes imagining that you have made one decision, then again with the other. Which one makes you feel more cheerful?

I did a masters a few years back and went totally off the internet for the year - I knew I would never get it done otherwise. Just before I began, dad got terminal cancer, I helped nurse him, then moved my mom down to live in sheltered housing near us. Dh was very ill. It was a rough year.

Roll on to my starting this PhD. In my first term, mom got terminal cancer (just as dh went back to work after 2 major surgeries), I nursed her at home, she died. I thought I could cope and didn't take any time out. But it was much tougher this time and I really lost the plot for a while. Then I had a baby...and I think this has become the slowest PhD on the planet although I hope to submit next year.

The moral of this tale, is that sometimes you can cope, and sometimes you need to put on the breaks before you put yourself under too much stress. The masters helped me get through a rough year, but the PhD didn't. Overall though, I am pretty driven.

Consider your situation and your ability to cope. How much do you want the Masters - could it in fact be something too look forward to while you are coping with this difficult situation or will it just tip you over the edge? Don't do it if it's going to make you miserable. Life's too short.

Also, no matter how old you think you are now, you can go back and try again later if you really want to. Anyway, not sure if that helps - but I am familiar with this dilemma! Jill

Thanks for your posts. I have decided to appeal and see if i can't get this canned in the next year. I am not sure how my career is going to progress but by baling out I will possibly lose the chance of progression by not completing the masters.

Realistically I know that if i had spent the time on it that I spend on mumsnet I could have done it!

To be honest I think I have spent the last two years in a bit of a depressed state not knowing what to do with myself. I have no energy to focus and i have let myself drift.

If the appeal is not upheld then that will be the end of that. I am so annoyed at myself for allowing this to happen and I am not sure that I can provide the evidence the university wants. How do you evidence total lack of 'me' time and how the day to day drudge of life gets you down?

Mears - maybe you can add up the hours a week you spend caring for your Dad; the stress you have had with your son's health (he's diabetic I think?)- all these things should be taken into consideration.

Even if you lose the appeal (which you shouldn't), then at least you know you've tried everything.

Good luck!

Thanks. I have read through the regulations of the uni but none of it tells you the address of who to write to. Blinkin annoying. Student support service is only Mon - Wed till 3pm. I got home today at 4.30pm. Ever think things are conspiring against you?

Mears, have you contacted your GP about a letter for you? I spend large amounts of my life typing letters for exam/dissertation extensions, undergrad and postgrad. I'm sure your situation would merit a BIG letter.

Haven't got a GP letter because I have never been off sick myself. Did't think to ask for one for confirmation of Dad's condition. Used a hospital complaint for evidence for that.

I have sent in an appeal this morning by registered post. Will see what happens. No more mumsnet for me if upheld!

I hope it works out for you. I really think your supervisor should be helping with this. I had something similar go wrong with my application to intermit for maternity - my supervisor gave me completely the wrong advise and I almost lost my grant over it. Of course it's hard to complain because we don't want to fall out with a supervisor - we need them for references if nothing else.

I think for a lot of us it's not the challenge of the work itself its the feeling that there really is a conspiracy to prevent us succeeding. When I get really fed up, usually over some unforseen hiccup due to Some Other Person, I think of the example I'd like this to be for dd (who is mercifully napping right now).

If you are becoming chronically depressed - don't be afraid to get help. I have had to do that on and off to get through. I think your situation as a carer will be more wearing than mine because it's indefinite - I reached a point where I could declare that everyone who had been sick had either got better or died.

Good luck, Jill

Perhaps a helpful colleague of yours could be seconded here? I was going to say, try the head of department for a chat re how to proceed...or his/her secretary who always knows how a similar issue was resolved! Good luck with it all.

hope it works out mears

Mears,

sorry to hear that there was such a massive cock up ...when clearly there are mitigating circumstances!

the only advice i can give you is that when i recently wrote my undergrad dissertation ...i got dp to block mumsnet...it was the ONLY way...there were tears ...there were 'i need it' moments when i begged him to 'just get it back for one night'...but he stood firm and i am soo soo grateful.

however can you stay online untill i have delivered my baby...due in a fortnight or so