How would you handle (or discipline) this?

[SPR1107]

Apologies if you see this as a repeat thread, I posted before but it didn't show up as successfully posted.

I have a 2.4 DS (a sizeable one!). He is extra polite, will always say please, thank you, excuse me, bless you. Shares well (for a 2 year old), has been saying 'thank you for my present' to everyone that has handed him a gift this Christmas.
He identifies feelings, will say 'please don't be sad', will cuddles and say 'all better now?' Etc, same for laughter, he will point out when someone or something is fun or funny.
He goes to nursery 3 full days a week, so is well socialised and not with us all the time.

However, he has started to kick and hits and it's really getting on my nerves. Mostly me, but will be DH, grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins... but never young children. He has 3 cousins and 3 close friends working his age, and never does it to them. Sometimes I see the reflex go but always manages to stop himself.

He had also started telling everyone to 'GO AWAY!' If they ask something of him he doesn't want to do... this can be anyone, even people he doesn't really know. I find this mortifying! When I tell him not to say it, he turns it to 'shooo' like telling a dog to go!

He knows it can hurt, and says 'ooos sorry mummy' but does it again minutes later.

I have tried to pretend cry, I have tried giving him a warning and then moving him to the step.

Maybe I'm not consistent enough with one particular style of telling him it's wrong.

I'm keen to get this resolved as 1. Pregnant and being booted isn't ideal, and 2. We don't want this to get worse when baby comes.

What would you do?

I would say no warnings for kicking etc. Remove him from the situation straight away with a firm 'no'. If you're doing time out (I never did) straight in it.

The go away thing I would not react to or only in a low key way and insist he does as told - maybe counting down from 3.

But he sounds lovely otherwise! Good luck!

Yeah, no warnings for hitting/pushing etc. here either, straight on the step.

Speaking rudely gets a warning then step. If it continues they lose a specific treat.

Personally I'm not a fan of pretending/threatening to cry (MIL does it to my DC) as it feels like emotional blackmail rather than parental discipline, but that's only my view.

My very charming and polite DS2 can also flip on occasion so I do empathise!

I just tried the crying thing because I wondered if it would help him understand that it hurts. I would rather use something more direct to be honest, as the guilt on his face then makes me want to cry for real ha!

I will definitely try the instant step for physical, and warnings for being rude.

Thanks for the advice

'No. That hurts.' is pretty direct. I tend to treat rudeness in a low key way (maybe by saying 'that's rude' or 'don't speak to me like that') because a bigger reaction can almost be what they're after sometimes. But he's only 2 so maybe the warning is better, I dunno.

I’d be more worried than cross. I’d be worried about what has started this behaviour in a verbally & emotionally competent child.

He has moved rooms at nursery @ILoveChristmasLights, and there is a very boisterous little boy in there, who he regularly talks about and seems quite taken with.
I'm not blaming the other child of course, but I do think it's just a case of seeing other children's behaviour and running with it.

The go away thing, is definitely because there was a wasp by him, his grandad said 'go away wasp', he copied his grandad, and everyone laughed. Each time a new person hears him say 'go away' they laugh at his 'cheekiness', then say to us 'oops shouldn't laugh really'... by which point it's too late as DS thinks he is funny!

I can see a trend that the hitting and kicking is exaggerated when he is over excited, therefore the last

Posted too soon..

The last two days have been particularly bad. He does it out of excitement more often than he does anger or frustration.

I would try and model a different way for DD to express himself when he doesn't want to do something, so when he says go away I would say back to the person he says it to, oh do you mean you don't want to ...... When he kicks out, again try to observe what is the pattern to him doing this and step in before it is likely to happen if you can , like before I would help him find another way to express himself, if it is because he doesn't want to do something and you have decided he has to do as he is asked , acknowledge that feeling by giving it a name i.e oh you feel mad , angry because it's bedtime and you were having fun but you can't kick and let him know it hurts , do have a consequence for it but also help him express the feeling in other ways. I had one child who did hit out when she was frustrated or didn't want to do something, it will pass and is very normal for 2/3 year olds. Making things she didn't like to do more exciting helped me win some of the battles , a large glass of wine when i got her to bed helped when I lost the battle lol

There are some nice books in a set called 'Hands are not for hitting', 'Feet are not for kicking' etc. These are good for reading at a calm moment.
In the moment, it would be about very firm and consistent every time- "No DS, we do not kick. We do this instead (etc)". And you are right to spot the over-excitedness will make things worse, also being tired, hungry over-faced etc.
How is he about the new baby coming? That can be an unsettling time when you are only 2.4.

I'm keen to get this resolved as 1. Pregnant

I was waiting for this. Do not underestimate the impact this has on your child, who at 2 is struggling to understand his place in the world already.

Time out isn’t generally an effective strategy, and especially not for a 2 year old who can’t understand the principles of it. Engagement rather than dis-engagement will always have a better long term impact.

Well, apparently this can be resolved by proper parenting and guide him as always nurture him with good attitude traits.

I will have a look at those books, as he does love to sit and have a story.

We always say to him, 'don't hit mummy, it hurts. Use your words to tell mummy how you feel'.

When we use the step, we never ever refer to it as a 'naughty' step, i always tell him, 'it's time to calm down, so you need to sit on the step, and mummy will come back and get you in 2 minutes'. Then we discuss it when I go and get him.

It could be the pregnancy, it's only been the last week or two that he's shown some understanding to it.

Can you elaborate on 'proper parenting'@PaulMorel?

it's time to calm down

How often does being told to calm down work to calm you down?

m.huffingtonpost.co.uk/sarah-ockwellsmith/time-out-children_b_15512392.html

when baby comes

You've hit the nail on the head really - this is it. He is unsettled at the moment, and is feeling rather pushed out, although he obviously isn't able to articulate his emotions verbally as he's too young. I'm sure things will settle down soon.