Worry Worry Worry............

[mum2oliver]

I have a ds-3yrs old and a 13 week old dd.
My ds has been atending pre-school since January and has always loved it.He settled in extremely well and has never cried or shown any sign of not wanting to attend.He loves it!!
2weeks ago he attended the first session that week and I received a call half way through asking me to collect him because they assumed he was poorly.He had been crying on and off and wouldnt let the teachers take his temperature.
I collected him and kept him at home the next day even though he wasnt poorly but just seemed a little tired and maybe run down.
He then atttended the next day and cried again the entire session on and off.They did call me but suggested not to collect as he would then think every time he cries I will collect him,I agreed with this.We then went on hols for a week.
He went back to school today and cried at the window,I waved with a big smile and walked off pretending I didnt know.

I just do need to add-- Visited Milton keynes about 7weeks ago and on recommendation we decided to take a look at the creche to see if my ds would feel comfortable being left there.Got back after 3 hours and he had loved it.There was a little girl that he knew there. We left him there again 2weeks later (girl he knew wasnt there) and on collection was told that he had a little cry but calmed down after a little while.
My ds has never never been upset about me leaving him.Im a childminder so he mixes really well.I attend lots of groups so he is always socialising.
Lately (since Maddie really!)I have become so worried about something happening to my children.Really horrible things (cant mention)flash thru my mind that could happen to them.Iv also had nightmares and woke up close to tears. Spoke to my fried about my worries and stressed about ds not walking with me whilst out(although he doesnt run off and is good around roads).She suggested being sturn with him and saying "stay with me,do not run off or you may get lost or someone could snatch you".Iv never thought it was ok to say this as didnt want to scare my ds to death about the world but she said it will make him stay near and he should be made aware of what could happen.
What does anyone think about this situation?
Does anyone get this worried?
Do I need to get help?
Will I get worse?

oh you poor thing - you sound in a right old state.

I wonder if your ds might be picking up some of your anxiety? (just to heap something else on for you to worry about!)

what do the teachers at preschool say now? anything useful or helpful? have there been any changes there that you know about?

I think you have several issues mixed up here. Firstly you have a new baby, which is alot for a 3 year old to deal with. Secondly he may be a bit mixed up with the chopping and changing of childcare arrangements. I think you should make your mind up where he is going to go and stick with it. Thirdly you seem very anxious about your children's safety and he is probably picking up on this.

aaah, missed the issue of the 13 week old! IME the older sibling always has an unsettled period which is VERY OFTEN DELAYED after an addition to the family

ride through it - he'll be fine

I wonder if you are getting enough sleep - you do sound very anxious which always happens to me after periods of unsettled sleep

School say it could be new baby.I feel really guilty.
Im definitely not puttin him the creche again in order for me to go shopping.I wouldnt do that as feel its selfish if he gets upset.
I dont feel guilty about dropping him off at play school though as its good for him.
I do agree about childcare issue.

don't feel guilty - not worth it. He's got a new sibling and he'll be grateful to you in the end

don't put him in that creche again until he is more settled, keep going wth the preschool

give him lots of cuddles and tell him he is teaching the new baby all sorts of things - my eldest absolutely LOVED that and still maintains she is responsible for everything her younger sister knows

he'll get over it, at the moment he probably feels a little marginalised after the excitement of new baby arriving etc and not being able to get your undivided attention anymore

do some stuff just with him and leave new baby behind with your partner if possible

just my random advice - I'm no expert but I do remember that stage - it is hard

good luck and go easy on yourself too

Mum2oliver - why don't you join our postnatal group for april babies - i take it you gave birth around then?

Theres quite a few of us who gave birth then and also have 3 year old going through pretty much the same thing???