Baby's nana not bought xmas card or gift

[MMDARD]

Hi all.
I'm after a bit of advice.
This is my babygirls 1st xmas. Her dad is working away and to be honest his relationship with his side of the family isn't great they have only seen baby 3 times this year and they live local.
He's working away over xmas and his mother has made no attempt to wish our baby a happy 1st xmas no card or nothing.
What has annoyed me more is the fact that I have found out she has bought presents for his other daughter (to a different woman, who he was never in a relationship with) and her other children to a different man gifts.
She has ignored my text when I asked if she would like to see Baby over xmas.
This just seems so wrong and unfair on my daughter. My dad has said ignore it.
Would would anyone else do? TIA

Follow your dh lead.

I can't imagine ignoring my grandchild, especially if her father was away working and her mother might possibly be in need of emotional and practical support. She doesn't sound like she would be a positive presence in your child's life. I think your father might be right to say ignore her though I would tell your partner that you find his mothers lack of concern hurtful.

Thank you. DH just wants a peaceful life and will probably find excuses to justify her actions. I just don't get how you can buy for one and kids that are not blood related and leave Baby out. Concern would be nice Baby has come out of hospital last week and never bothered to visit or ask how she is. I'm really starting to think should I be upfront with her or just ignore and block her out as Baby doesn't even know who she is and she clearly isn't interested?

Is the baby a newborn?

She might be of the opinion that there’s no point buying a present for a very young baby. It’s a very cold way of thinking, but there are some people who don’t go to much effort with babies until they get old enough to play with a toy etc.

She should be more sensitive, especially given you reached out to offer to spend some time with her though.

She's 11 months old so toddling about. Not even a card though. Plus she did buy last xmas for the baby before she was born.

That is very very odd, and difficult not to take personally

Exactly. I don't understand it at all. What would everyone else do if they were in my shoes?

I would do nothing. It doesn't matter a gift is exactly that a gift not an expectation.

I know that but I feel like it's unfair for my daughter. When all the others have been "gifted" and she has not.

It's not worth being bitter. Enjoy your first Christmas with her and don't give them another thought.

Just ignore her and don’t engage. It’s her loss. Your dd has nothing to gain by having her around anyway by the sound of it, so I’d just pretend she doesn’t exist and enjoy your day.

Are you in a relationship with her son/your baby’s father? Would she not have given the baby’s gifts etc to him?

She clearly has an ongoing relationship with your child’s half-sister, her mother & other siblings, and it isn’t unreasonable that she includes them all, you feeling bitter and angry about that isn’t a helpful thing for you or the situation as a whole. I wouldn’t ignore/block or anything like that, that’s just equally as childish and unhelpful.

Just crack on doing your own thing, don’t make it a bigger drama that it needs to be - it reflects badly on her, but really it’s not up to you to do anything about it, be the bigger person. If she doesn’t reply then she misses out, her loss. Shrug and move on with the rest of your day

Well I'm a bloke with adult son and daughter, childless, but if they had kids I'd be the pain in the arse offering to cook the dinner or babysit whatever, absolutely get them some clothes maybe as a present. It would be inconceivable not to be interested. You don't sound bitter, just understandably sad. Frankly, I think it's weird. Enjoy the day, put thoughts of her away.

It’s hurtful but it’s her loss not yours. This only needs to be a big deal for your daughter if you make it so. She’ll be oblivious otherwise.

It's her loss stupid woman. Forget it and focus on your DD

Don't "do" anything - your DD is luckily far too young to notice. Are the other children she bought for old enough to know what other children get at Christmas?

Not caring about her being in hospital is worse IMO, assuming she knew.

Just stop making an effort to contact your mil and leave the ball in her court.

I must say my kids are a lot older and haven't noticed or commented on the fact that they don't have anything from DH's side of the family - they used to get big presents when mil was alive, but fil and BILs have gone away this Christmas. I'm sure FIL will give them each a generous amount of cash when they next see him though, as that's what he did for their birthdays this year.

Your dad is right.

It really is her loss. I wouldn't give it much more thought. She has the opportunity To have a relationship with her grandchild and is choosing not to- she is losing out, no one else. The baby knows no different.

I would stop making an effort and definitely stop getting upset. If she wants to see the grandchild She knows where you are.

Now you enjoy your first Christmas together and stuff the rest of them!

Thank you all for the kind words much needed and appreciated