I have a 5yo daughter, we have a good relationship but there are stormy moments and I do occasionally lose it somewhat and get angry (it's getting better, I'm working REALLY hard at changing my getting triggered and defaulting into anger, it's already a lot less than it was).
The past few weeks she's been saying, when I put her to bed, that she doesn't love me, and that I'm not allowed to cuddle her or kiss her. Sometimes really labouring the point, saying that she loves her daddy, all her friends, and that she doesn't love me and one boy in her class she doesn't get on with! It's nothing to do with anything in the heat of the moment, like when I deny her something. I asked her at some point why she didn't love me anymore and she said that it's because I don't say funny things (ie make her laugh) like her dad does. I asked if she thinks I don't love her if I don't say funny things and she said 'yes, and daddy loves me because he does day funnny things'.
I kind of think this might be a broader thing in that her dad is better at engaging with her whereas I can be a bit aloof, and it's true, I don't engage as much in play and fun as he does.
She seems really determined: the other day we were having a really nice moment, and I kissed her and said, spontaneously, 'I love you!', and she normally would have said it back, but she just kept silent. That's happened a few times.
I'm worried about losing (some of) the connection with her, that this is a symptom of her having put up defense mechanisms due to my anger. As if she's needed to put some distance between me and her... Just when I'm making progress (with a lot of work with a counsellor) towards a better relationship with her...
It's heartbreaking! Anyone who has experience with this, or knows something about child psychology and how it works with defense mechanisms arising?