Cry it out

[Izzy12345]

Hiii I've tried the cry it out method and it's not working and it's breaking my heart. He's getting really upset and worked up and will not sleep until I rock him... Help

How old? What exactly are you doing?

Hello bless you it's hard. What age and what method are you trying?

Hi sorry for such a vague message, I wrote it while my baby was crying and I was freaking out lol. He is 6 months old so thought I'd start some sort of sleep training as he is dependent on breastfeeding to sleep or my husband rocking him to sleep. And I want to get him out of those methods because it's getting too much for me. My back is bad from the labour so I can't really rock him. I'm using the cry it out method or Ferber method ? I put him down drowsy after doing a bedtime routine which I've been doing since he was about 6 weeks old. Then when he cries I let him cry for 5 mins then go back and console him then let him cry for another 5 and so on. By the end he was inconsolable and just wanted to be picked up. I ended up breastfeeding him to sleep, he wasn't hungry he just wanted comfort I think. It's the first day I properly tried this method and it was really difficult for me and my baby

I sleep trained when LO was 13 months because i was broken from the lack of sleep.

I went in after a minute and shush-patted, then after two minutes, then after four minutes, then eight etc etc, doubling each time. The first night it took 1.5 hrs, the second night 40 mins, the third night 15 mins, and LO slept through ever since.

Crucially, LO was older and also i was advised to give up after 3 days if it wasn’t taking as they obviously weren’t ready yet. I was just lucky it worked. Perhaps your DC is just a little young, or just not personally ready? Good luck, i know how gruelling it feels.

We did the Ferber method at 6.5 months. It was hard, but only took 3 nights. It got progressively easier. We've never looked back since.

Why are you doing it OP? Are nights hard at the minute?

I'm not anti sleep training but personally I'd think it's a bit early, and you are clearly finding it hard too.

I found the no cry sleep solution book very helpful- maybe give that a go?

I've not heard of the no cry sleep solution, what does this entail ? And I'm doing it because it takes so long getting him to sleep sometimes and he's up every 2/3 hours for feeds. I don't know if that's normal at 6 months...

That's definitely normal for a BF 6mo old. People will try to tell you they should be able to go for x many hours/sleep through but biologically it's completely normal to wake.

My advice- BF lying down in your bed and safely cosleep. Once you're all regularly getting far more sleep and are less overtired, you can look at moving him to his own room (I put my DS on a double mattress on the floor from 12mo) or stopping feeding to sleep (read up on Jay Gordon's night weaning).

He's still so little. Personally I couldn't have left mine to cry so I tried to find out more about why they were waking rather than trying to 'fix' it.

Waking every 3 hours for a feed or more often just for cuddles or whatever was totally normal for my 6 month old ff baby. Your baby sounds fine.

Please don’t use cry it out.

What do you think is the current problem and what do you think his sleep should be like?

Cry it out is cruel, don’t do it.
My bf 18 month old still feeds to sleep and wakes during the night, completely normal.

At this age- I fed to sleep and put baby in bed, but we let baby cry for a few mins for naps- it wasn't massive distress, he just didnt want to miss out on the fun.
Loads of people think if you feed to sleep, baby will never get out of it.

However, we weaned him slowly on to bottles- first with expressed milk, then with formula. He'd have a bottle then he would be b fed to sleep He started to sleep through at 8 months after he stopped wanting b feeding after bottle. Went from being an awful sleeper to sleeping through for 12 hours at 8 months, and apart from about 3 or 4 nights he has slept through since.

For us, it just happened, it does sound like baby is not ready yet, I have nothing against cry it out, but I remember my baby would have been incessant at that age, whereas now he sometimes wakes up has a tiny cry and gets himself back to sleep- for my baby I think this was developmental.

Thank you everybody for your advice. I will try to lie down feeding and maybe we'll both get more sleep. I'm a first time mum and got so much conflicting advice. It's nice to hear my babies behaviour is normal at 6 months. After yesterday I've decided to delay sleep training till he's 8 months then try again. I just couldn't do the CIO method. The only reason I wanted to was obviously so he's less dependent on us to get him to sleep but mainly because I wanted him to sleep longer periods. But I think this is normal now for his age. It's just increasingly difficult getting up what feels like so often in the night.

It's crazy how much conflicting advice is out there, isn't it. I'm a first time mum too and found it mind boggling. My DD is a bit older now and finally I feel I can make more sense of it all now. Sleep training is NOT NECESSARY (or good for babies) - I also thought I had to do it for my child to teach her to be independent and to help her sleep longer but actually that's not true, it's only for the parents' benefit. I would recommend the book Why Your Baby's Sleep Matters by Sarah Ockwell Smith, it's brief but so informative, she explains how the sleep training industry basically takes advantage of new parents vulnerability to make them think it's something they "need" to do for their DC.

The Ferber method is very very damaging for children, it's terrifying for them. The no cry sleep solution (it refers to a book series by Elizabeth Pantley) or 'gentle' sleep training methods are better but still unnecessary.

Please don't use CIO. Your baby is crying because it is the only way he is able to communicate with you. He needs you. By leaving him to CIO you're only teaching him that no one's coming. Imagine being so small and so upset and learning that no one cares enough to come and comfort you? Yes it's hard but it's not forever - cuddle your baby.

Babies sleep when they’re ready, they’re supposed to be dependent on you, sleep training doesn’t benefit them so much as make your life easier and can be harmful. Lack of sleep is so so hard but it does pass, ds2 was a horrendous sleeper until over 2 but now at 3 he sleeps through or wakes once from a quick drink of watcher and settling back to bed. I’m due dc3 soon and not looking forward to going back to the horrendous sleep deprivation but I’ve not left either of my older children to cio and wouldn’t in future either. Co-sleeping can help you get more sleep if that’s something you’d want to do, I’d also recommend The Gentle Sleep Book and/or The No Cry Sleep Solution to read.

Doesn't work for all kids! Worked well with mine but that doesn't mean it works for everybody

I'm not sure about the idea that sleeo training is just for parents actually. When my baby couldn't sleep and was waking at all hours to b feed he was very grouchy in the day as just wasn't getting enough sleep. Now he sleeps for 12 hours at night and is such a happy baby. When my baby decided to finally sleep properly at 8 months I was on my knees from 8 months of sleep deprivation, now I am less stressed and am able to enjoy my time with my boy much more. So him sleeping better is very good for him and me. I don't think there is anything wrong with letting baby cry for short periods, I think it is about the bigger picture. Ie if you are tending to all his needs during the day and react when he cries there is nothing wrong with letting him cry for a few mins. My baby cried for a couple of mins when I put him down for his nap, if I had gone in and comforted him when I out him down in his cot again he would have cried again. So it would have just lead to stopping him from napping and potentially he would cry more- depending on how many times I went him to settle him.