Desperate times calls for controlled crying.. I'm crying as I'm typing this!

[spacefacexxx]

Has anyone had any success stories to spur me on? I'm honestly not coping anymore. I've tried everything. He could have the most perfect text book naps in the day and he still wakes up constantly through the night. Bed time routine has been solid since day 1. I'm so effing desperate. What's pushed me to the edge is that I've just found out I'm pregnant again. My little boy is 7 months old and it's probably a mix of extreme exhaustion (didn't think I could get any more exhausted than what I already was) and bloody hormones but I've had enough. I can't do it anymore. It's keeping me up at night worrying how the hell I'm going to cope when this baby is here who will obviously be waking in the night as well as a then 14 month old who at this rate will still be waking in the night. I can't do it. I'm crying as I'm typing this because I'm so frustrated and scared and I just don't know what to do

Hey Mama ❤️ don't have any advice as I'm a ftm with a 7 month old also... Her sleep is all over the place!

Didn't wanna read and run so I just wanted to say I'm here if you ever need to talk and I'm sending you love and strength! ❤️ Sorry I can't help more but you're doing an amazing job!

My youngest is 15 months old. No matter what I do he wakes every 45 mins to an hour if he sleeps in his cot - for nap times and during the night.

We've tried controlled crying and he isn't the kind of baby that works for. He doesn't cry and then settle, he just becomes more and more hysterical.

He will sleep pretty much through the night with only one or two wake ups if we cosleep. He seems to need some kind of touch as will happily sleep next to either of us if he has some kind of contact.

I know it's easy to get really upset about bad sleep and believe me I've been there. However it is only for a short while. My non-sleeper also has a health condition (not causing his bad sleep) and has had three major operations in the 15 months he has been here. I'm not going to allow myself to get worked up over cosleeping.

Babies all get there at different points. My oldest was also a terrible sleeper as a baby but something suddenly clicked at about 18 months and he has slept amazingly ever since. Your DC will get there too.

Controlled crying saved my sanity! Twice.

I have twins and we still had them in our room at 8 months as they were premature. We were getting up multiple times a night and struggling to get them back in their cots - my husband was still having to get up for work even though he was up all night with the twins.

We moved them to their own room, stopped night time bottles and did controlled crying all in one go. I was honestly amazed at how quickly it worked. Night one I think they cried for around an hour when they woke (but only woke once). Night two was about 30 minutes and after that they slept through until 4/5am!

Then again at 18 months we'd fallen in to a pattern of them waking for 1-2 hours in the middle of the night. Two days and they now sleep 7.30-6.30 most nights.

Definitely give it a go!

Hi

You know your baby best. From what I have read on here some respond well to controlled crying and some don’t.

If you try it and it doesn’t work then that is fine. It’s ok to try things!

I tired controlled crying with my first baby. It didn’t work with her and she was sick. I didn’t try it with my second as I didn’t think it was right for him.

With my first I did a very gradual retreat which started with rubbing his back in the cot for ages. She slept through from 14m. My second has been different and I hold still next to the cot and then put down and walk out - he has started sleeping through some nights at 18m.

I’m sorry but it’s often a long time and you can get quite frustrated and low.

Do you have support in the day to get any rest?

Take care xx

Oh OP, the lack of sleep makes you feel totally desperate doesn't it.

Firstly please know that you are not at fault and your baby isn't wakeful because of anything you've done 'wrong'. All those books and blogs about sleep associations and bad habits are complete crap. Babies that wake during the night for the first year and beyond are completely normal so please don't get downhearted about that.

Secondly, it's completely up to you how you decide to try and tackle it. I tried CC for a few nights with my LO and it didn't work at all, for either of us, it was so stressful and he became so sad during the day too. So I stopped and just ended up doing whatever got us the most sleep and the least distress (in our case that was breastfeeding to sleep in the night, for some people it's being close all the time and co sleeping. Check the safe co sleeping guidelines from the Lullaby Trust). But that's just my experience and you and your LO will find what works for you both eventually, I promise.

Thirdly, during this exhausting season, can you find some support during the day so you can recharge your batteries? Anyone who can whizz your LO to a playgroup maybe and give you a break for a couple of hours? Even if you feel you can't sleep then sometimes a bath and cleaning up the house a bit can make you feel more human and able to cope. Just takes the pressure off the night times

Good luck OP

But for reassurance, it’s compleyely normal for a 7 month old to wake through the night. My first was 2yrs 3 months when he slept through. My second, 13 months. My third is 21 months and still doesn’t sleep through.

In fact, I think a 7 month who did sleep through the night is more unusual than one who doesn’t.

At 7 months my DS was taking an hour to at the best of times to rock to sleep every time he woke up 😴 so I did cc. He had a little cry the first night and from then on he was a changed baby, so happy, I could t believe it!
You can only try, I hope it works for you ❤

It really depends on the baby, ime, and you won't know until you try! For us, it worked on DD1 at 6/7mo, but she had been sleeping for longish stretches anyway. DS slept max 1.5 hours at a time until he was 2.5, CC made absolutely no difference at all. He just eventually started sleeping of his own accord.

Amazingly despite that we had DD2, and she was sleeping through until the 4m sleep regression, but never recovered from that. We tried cc at 6mo and she seemed to be responding to it but then got a cold and we gave it a rest (I'm not comfortable letting a baby cry when it can't breathe properly in the first place), and she's resisted any further attempts. She's nearly 11mo now, and we're going to try again after her birthday.

Good luck, whatever you decide. Sleep deprivation is horrific.

horrible sleep deprivation.

My youngest 9mo has been a terrible sleeper from the dreaded 4 months. We ended up co sleeping, daytime naps have always been impossible apart from in sling/cuddled/moving pram and even then they are very short. It has gradually got better though, went from waking up every half hour to every couple of hours. In the past week he's started having longer daytime snoozes. Last night he woke up half hourly until midnight and then guess what!? He slept till 7.30, I kept waking up to check he was still alive! I'm so unbelievably happy. Babies aren't really supposed to sleep through but they do gradually get better, thats what's happened with mine. I've never even attempted CC I know my babies aren't the sort to have a whinge and then drop off, they would just get more and more hysterical, I don't think it would be fair at all.

I was on my knees when ds1 was 8 months old. He was an appalling sleeper and was waking every 1-2 hours. The health visitor let me borrow her book ‘teach your child to sleep ‘ by The millpond clinic. It was amazing. It has flow charts to work out which solution might work for you and step by step instructions on how to do the solution you choose. It does not preach or say that one method is the best it just tells you facts and you choose what works for you. We chose the gradual withdrawal/ retreat and whilst it took a while it worked really well. Ds1 is now an amazing sleeper!

I did controlled crying at 5 months as my dd used to sometimes sleep all through the night and other times not so i knew she could do it.

Took maybe 3 days and now she sleeps from 7pm-10am if i let her (weekdays she gets woken up at 7am for nursery)

You have to be 100% when you start as you don't want to start and then stop

You poor thing. Sleep deprivation is horrific and early pregnancy leaves you so tired that I'm not surprised you're struggling. Mine was sleeping through when I found out I was pregnant with my second and yet I was still a walking zombie from the early wake ups.

I second the pp who said you don't want to start and then stop. Inconsistency when sleep training is really cruel to the child as it confuses them and they can't figure out what you want them to do.

Take a step back and think about how you want to approach sleep training - do you want to do controlled crying (which will work fairly quickly but will be tough)? Or would you prefer a more gentle gradual approach? This will take longer but you do have enough time before baby comes if you prefer it. Once you've decided, make a plan with your partner so you are both completely consistent in dealing with sleep and wake ups then set aside a couple of weeks to focus on getting him to sleep well in a routine that doesn't leave him overtired.

If you have the finances, I recommend a sleep consultant who will go through it all with you in detail plus they make you complete feeding and sleep logs which they analyse and suggest improvements to.

It will get better, but plan your intervention and start it when you are calm, you are much more likely to succeed this way.

Also - my age gap is bigger than yours but a big bonus of having 2 close together is that eldest is still napping so you get some time where both are napping once you get into a bit of a rhythm.

We did controlled crying with our twins. Best thing I ever done. I was at my wits end. They are great sleepers now at 5 and our attachment is good. I don’t think I could have gone further; they were getting worse and worse. I ever tried sleeping in the same room as them, nothing worked.
Good luck.

Controlled crying worked well for both of mine though better for the first one. For both I only used it for getting them to sleep at bedtime, I still feel them if they woke in the night. But sorting out getting them to sleep seemed to reduce the night wakings. With my second I also did it to cut out night breastfeeds - that was a few months later though. The only thing I would say is that if you're going to do it you have to be really determined to keep going until they go to sleep, even if it takes more than an hour. Otherwise if you give up after half an hour you won't have achieved anything. Also make really sure that anyone else in the household is fully committed. We had a horrible few nights with lots of crying but it was totally worth it and they both sleep well now. Good luck whatever you decide!

Oh spacefacexxx it is so hard. I believe that babies all do things when they are good and ready, it is not going to be anything you are doing "wrong" at all, I think your DC is just not ready yet. Ignore all the books and people saying what you DC should be doing at 9months.

It is so hard when you are sleep deprived, I could not see a time when my DS would sleep through, But I went through frustration and guilt ( I must be doing something wrong). Then I didn't change a thing and he just "clicked " and started to sleep through. It is nothing you are doing "wrong" he's just not ready yet and needs his mummy or daddy reassurance.

If you feel like CC would help you with your exhaustion give it a go. I personally didn't want to do that with our DS but you know you child. I suppose you could give it a go and if you see no results early on, stop.

Completely feel for you and hope it all falls into place for you and congrats and good luck with your pregnancy and up coming birth/baby

I've got a generally good sleeper and was ready to chuck it all in at about 7 months because of the constant waking. It's a tough time developmentally for babies. Can you get a rest during the day?