In need of advice - don't know how to handle this! Sensitive subject.

[KeepSmiling83]

Hi,

I have 2 DDs, one who is 7 and one who is 3. DD1 has discovered this week that if you lie down a certain way and rub your legs together it 'feels nice'. I have told her it is normal but it is something we do in private.

She started off by going to a different room (any time of day - after school etc) or if I was putting things away in her room would tell me to leave so she could do it. Again I reiterated that it was something we tend to do in our room (as opposed to the living room when we were all in there) when people wouldn't walk in on us. So she has now taken to going to her room and telling us we can't go in unless we knock. I went in before to say goodnight and she was bright red and sweating. I told her it was bedtime and turned her light off and went outside and she just carried on doing it.

I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want her to feel it is wrong or bad but I am worried because she is doing it all the time. Since she realised at the beginning of this week she has been doing it every day. Sometimes she wants to do it as soon as she gets home from school.

From what I have read it's not that abnormal but I don't know if I should be trying to discourage her or just leave her to it and hope it is just a phase? Do I just ignore it? Has anyone been through anything similar or got any advice?

It's not abnormal but you telling her it's something to be done in private has made more of a 'big thing' of it to her than it was before. If you'd just said, "That's fine", and talked about something else she might not be so fixated on doing it.

I don't know how you are going to get out of this one. It probably is just a phase, make sure she has plenty of interesting and fun things to do and think about.

I disagree with Pp and think you were right to tell her it's private.

Maybe worth waiting a little bit and seeing if she gets bored?

If she doesn't then I'm torn ... it is nice, it's a stress relief, with my logic head on I'm struggling to find an argument for why she shouldn't keep doing it. But then I know I wouldn't want my kid doing it all the time ... maybe tell her you miss her company or that she should also choose other nice things to do that involve others or teach her something?

I felt like I had to say something as the first time I realised what she was doing she was lying next to her sister doing it. I wanted her to know it's not something you do in front of other people.

I went through this with my daughter. We talked about it when she first discovered it and then I just ignored it. I found making a big thing of it made it worse. She grew out of it very quickly

@whatsnewchoochoo yes I am hoping she may get bored after a few days. I tried distracting her today and it did work as she didn't mention it until it was bedtime. But then once she was getting undressed for bed she asked to be left alone to do it.

@BringItOn88 what did you say when she first discovered it? If you found her doing it after that did you just ignore and walk out the room? Not mention it at all?

If she only does it at bedtime maybe that's ok. If it continues maybe (and I've no idea if I'm right) you could tell her that she doesn't need to tell you everytime and she can just choose to do it when she's on her own at bedtime (I can't put my finger on it but it feels a little impolite to ask someone to leave to do it)

I know it's not a sexual thing but I have to say it makes me really uncomfortable!! I know that's my issue not hers though. I think it's partly because she doesn't stop if you walk in the room and you can see her red face and hear her. I really am hoping it's a phase and the doing it all the time will stop soon.

I would tell her that’s something to enjoy when she’s older to be completely honest

She's going to be busy and distracted over Christmas so maybe will naturally stop. If not maybe work towards just at bedtime as a compromise? Keep her busy after school doing stuff downstairs.

I have been trying to keep her distracted as much as I can. She finished school yesterday so is exhausted - normally I would encourage her to chill with a film or something but I'm reluctant to do that because I know what she will be doing! I've had to tell her twice this morning to stop doing it and eat her breakfast/get dressed!

It started on Monday I would say and she doesn't appear to be tiring of it yet!

Oh so many parenting dilemmas! I understand your awkwardness, my DD who is almost 3 does this thing where she lies on her front with her arms underneath her and I can’t see what she’s doing exactly but she wiggles her bum and it seems comforting, she does it when she’s trying to get to sleep. She hasn’t mentioned it so I haven’t but like you I have a little discomfort that I don’t want to transfer to her. I would also be inclined to tell her it’s something to be done in private but I doubt she’d really grasp that at her age. What you’re doing sounds right to me and hopefully the phase will pass soon!!

Honestly sounds like you've made a massive deal of it. She's 7. Leave her be and if it's an inappropriate time or place distract her in some way.

I haven't tried to make a big deal of it but I'll take on board that maybe I have.

We have only actually had a few conversations about it. I have told her it's completely normal and everyone does it (which she was surprised at - she thought it was just her! She even told me I should try it sometime because it's really nice!) but that it is something to be done in private when people won't walk in on her. Other than that if I have seen her I have tried to ignore her. So although I'm talking about it a lot on her I haven't been talking about it all the time with her. She has stayed over at my mums house this week and my mum had to say the same thing to her because she started doing it while lying next to mum in bed!