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Original poster

10 year old always in her room

18 replies

ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 19/12/2018 16:36

My dd recently spends majority of time in her room. Me and her younger sis have been watching Christmas films after school this week. She doesn’t want to join us. Is this normal? Should I be making her join us? She says nothing is troubling her but I don’t know something doesn’t seem right. But I do tend to let my mind run away with me!

Any help, thoughts much appreciated

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 19/12/2018 19:20

What’s she doing in her room OP? If she’s on her phone, maybe you could limit the time she has it?

RahRahRooRah · 19/12/2018 19:30

I agree - need an idea as to what she's doing OP,
I have 9 year old who will spend ages in her room reading, but she doesn't have access to a phone or iPad, so I know she's just reading.
She likes her space, and needs to get some quiet time away from her younger siblings!

Original poster
ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 19/12/2018 20:36

She has her phone in there she isn’t on social media but obviously has access to a lot of other stuff I think she is on her phone the whole time tbh Blush

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 19/12/2018 20:38

Could you say to her that there’s no phones after dinner? That should give her time to relax and also encourage her to find other things to do, she may even join in with the film watching Smile

DeezMutts · 19/12/2018 20:41

I’d make a new rule of no phones in the bedroom. Then she can still retreat there for peace and quiet but won’t be staring at her phone for hours. Dd is the same age and spends a lot of time in her room too, but she’s just playing.

KittenCamile · 19/12/2018 20:50

Dsd is 10 and would spend all day in her room on snap chat if she could. DH has had to set a screen time limit or we would never see her!

I find since she has turned 10 she is mainly interested in her friends, snap chat and YouTubers, we have to really set a time for us all to hang out or it wouldn’t happen.

Atalune · 19/12/2018 20:59

Is she year 5 or 6.

DS is almost 10 and year 5 and doesn’t have a phone or any device in his room. Although has n x box in the play room and access to use of iPad or Mac in the kitchen. I am quite shocked at the level of technological independence your DD has when she is still at primary. I assume you have a water tight parental control tools and you can mirror her phone on your phone?

BackforGood · 19/12/2018 21:44

She is quite young to be withdrawing like this.
A lot of teens do, as they get older but this is a bit young.
Has she always liked her own space / to withdraw / to sit on her own, or is it a change in behaviour. I think a change is more concerning.

LovingLola · 20/12/2018 09:15

She has her phone in there she isn’t on social media but obviously has access to a lot of other stuff I think she is on her phone the whole time tbh

Do you have any idea at all what she is accessing on her phone? Do you have parental controls on it? Do you ever check it? She may be being groomed by online predators. She might be bullying other children in her class. She may be bullied herself. She may be watching graphic hard core porn...

Maybe let your mind run in that direction and it may spur you to find out what exactly she is doing on her phone.

Rosesared · 20/12/2018 12:34

Wow...what is this world coming to?! Some advice, @lovinglola.
Limit her screen time. Switch off wifi if need be. If your mummy-gut tells you something's up, I'd suggest you investigate

Original poster
ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 20/12/2018 12:59

I’m lucky to have a very tech savvy sister so am able to see everything she looks at and accesses on her phone. It’s mainly DIY’s on u tube and watching Netflix American kids stuff. She shouldn’t be able to Access anything awful and if she did manage it someone my app alerts me. And I check it every night.

I am more worried something has happened to make her more withdrawn but apart from asking her I don’t know what else I can do, she is very private person naturally, her sister tells me everything but dd 10 year old has always been more reserved but my gut just telling me something is wrong! She is in year 6

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bookmum08 · 20/12/2018 13:09

My ten year old will spend ages singing or writing stories etc but does it in the living room. However she doesn't like me to 'watch' so I wish she would go and do it in her own blimmin room. I would like to be in my living room once in a while.
When I was ten I played in my room mostly - because that's where my stuff was. If you think she is on a gadget you don't want to be on then remove the gadget but I don't think it's unusual at ten to be in your room doing your own thing rather than watching telly or whatever with your kid sister.

Gogreen · 20/12/2018 13:13

They would rather look at screens than spend time with family- it’s not right....but almost normal with this generation of tech kids.

Just limit screen time, that will solve it.

Perfectly1mperfect · 20/12/2018 13:20

My year 5, 9 year old spends a fair bit of time in her room, usually straight after school before dinner. I think she just likes to relax and go on her iPad. She does spend a lot of time drawing as well. I think it's the age where they do start to not want to be with you all the time. There's a lot of changes happening for them.

If she's in year 6, could it be SATS pressure bothering her. Obviously she doesn't need to feel stressed with them, but many do as teachers go on about them so much. 🙄

Just let her know she can talk to you about anything if she wants to.

Rosesared · 20/12/2018 13:26

If she's looking at diy stuff on youtube...suggest you make/do some of the stuff she's looking at. It's a nice balance of positive screen time and creative social time.

thehorseandhisboy · 20/12/2018 13:32

Screens are so addictive. In my experience of children that age, simply stating boundaries with explanations eg "I'm concerned about how much time you spend on your phone. From now on let's try and see how that goes". And remove all screens from her.

I established a 'no screens during the week' including TV when my children were in KS2. It was bafflingly easy - they just found other things to do. My eldest now has a phone, but has limited access to it, and only calls and texts.

Original poster
ThereIsTooMuchConfusion · 20/12/2018 13:34

That’s a good suggestion about making things with her. I have no problem with her wanting to be on her own (other than I miss her obviously wouldn’t say that as it might make her feel bad). What is an acceptable amount of screen time for kids? Mine went from not being interested so didn’t have to worry about it, to wanting to be on it all the time.

The other thing I wonder is if she is a bit hormonal at the moment as she has started to develop more body hair etc, I guess this time is a bit scary for kids as pp said it’s sats which the school has started booster sessions for and dd is sort of average to lower set At school. Also everyone taking about secondary schools. Her school is very small and feeds into 3 other potential schools so it’s something people ask all the time. ‘What school are you going to?’

And if you reply so and so school someone will envitably say ‘oh really is that where you want to go? Are u sure? I heard blah blah blah...’

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BumDisease · 20/12/2018 13:34

"They would rather look at screens than spend time with family- it’s not right....but almost normal with this generation of tech kids. "

Back in the olden days of the 90s when I was this age, I would rather be in my room on my own drawing. The adults would just be sitting in the living room watching TV/ "looking at screens".

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