How would you have answered this?

[Snakepit]

My 8 year old asked me earlier "what's a virgin?"

How would you have answered this?

Someone who hasn't had sex yet...?

TBH when my eldest daughter firs askd me ths I said itwas someone who wasn't married...
Then a few years later told her the truth.

Out your hand up in assembly

Put!

"Why?"

My answer would be 'what do you think it is?'

I said "someone who hasn't had sex" so he grinned and said "so, are you a virgin?" and this is where I became stuck and wondered if I'd said the wrong thing initially!

he's 8. he's your ds. what's so hard about saying, "no, i'm not a virgin. of course i've had sex, you cant't make a baby without having sex and i've got you.....". who would you rather he asked about sex and stuff?

Agree with mumto3 - "Someone who hasn't had sex yet"

I'm glad he asked me, I've always encouraged openess between us but when he asks questions like that I'm always worried that he will go into school and say something like "me and mum were discussing virgins last night" and I'd have social services on the phone lol

I know, I panic too much, I grew up in a house where kids find things out for themselves and we were not encouraged to talk openly so it seems a little strange for me even though I try to encourage it I never know if I'm going too far and telling them too much.

My standard answer to all surprising questions is 'Why do you ask?' Always a good idea to get some background and context before you start explaining so you can find out what it is they are actually needing to know.
DD2 tonight: What does gay mean?
Me: It is when two people love each other like Mummy and Daddy do but they are both boys or both girls - like Uncle X and Uncle Y.
DD2: OH I never knew Uncle X and Uncle
Y were married. But doesn't gay just mean happy?

I remember very clearly this conversation between me and my mother when I was about 8:
Me (just back from church and hymns about the Virgin Mary): Mummy, what's a virgin?
Mummy: Erm, um, someone who's never had a baby.
(Pause)
Me: What you mean like Auntie Terry?
Mummy: Erm, well, no - erm, yes. But you must NEVER ask anyone if they are one.

tonight DS,9, asked about transexuals we struggled to explain that one!!!!

It came about after watching the simpsons, Principal Skinner was being accussed of having sex with the other teacher and he said something about "the truth is, I'm a virgin" and that's what made him ask although I think he knew it had something to do with sex.

Later on Big Brother was starting and Ziggy and Chanelle were kissing and DS said "oh I hope they're not all going to start having sex!" lol

My dd8 thinks transexuals (or at least men obv dressed as women on TV) are just grown up tomboys.................. I worry though as she delights at being a tomboy herself and hating the 'pink' thing most of her contemporaries like...........

At Salvador Dali museum, I manouvered DS (10 at the time) away from a picture called "Hitler masturbating". I asked DH how he'd have explained it if DS had asked. DH:"I'd tell him it's something men do after they're married". Charming!

lol at masturbating.
I'd also ask why he wanted to know, he might mean the Virgin Mary, my DD (8) seems to be doing a lot of Jesus stuff at school and her name pops up every now and then. TBH I think I'd find it easier to explain what a virgin was than the Virgin Mary - how'd you explain that to a child, because I'm not sure how it happened either?!! Be honest and open - it's always best. I remember opening a box of condoms that had come in the post when I was 7 (obviously my parents had a healthy sex life, bulk buying condoms!!!!) and my mum explained that they stopped her having any more babies when her and daddy had sex. I just went oh, ok then and carried on with doing what I was doing. TBH I remember thinking she was too old to have babies but didn't say it!

You could say it means someone who hasn't ever done 'something'...it does get used in other contexts, eg. an 'internet virgin' to mean someone who's never been on the net.

(actually bad example, it could probably mean something else too... sorry!!!)

But be straight with him that it mainly is used to mean someone who never had sex.