BABY NO.2???HELP!!!!!!!

[naughtystep]

How did other MNs come to a decision to have baby no.2?

I am 40 next year and have to do something soon!

My DS is nearly three and my DH and I love him to bits but he has been hard work. DH and I were both a bit shocked by how hard and stressful parenting can be. I really think that I went to the brink and back and am only just feeling myself again.

I would love to have another baby but wish I could give birth to a three year old ! I just cannot face the thought of going through all that baby crap again. Broken nights, breast feeding, pumping, pureeing veg etc.

Am I being selfish? Is there something wrong with me? All my friends have another one or are pregnant or are on number three! Meanwhile, I am still dragging my heels!

I am beginning to feel worried because of my age. My heart says YES! GO FOR IT but my head says NOOOOOOO!. I feel scared if I don't do it now, I never will and then I will always regret it. Everytime I think oh, just get on with it I start feeling all panicky. DH is no help, he doesn't mind either way!

Can anyone help?

Happyathome, I could kiss you!

This is why I love this - you get such honesty. For the life of me, I don't understand why there are not more honest mums out there! We should all support each other and acknowledge how hard it is.

I really believe that has been a big part of it for me. No one seems to say how they REALLY feel. Only one of my friends tells it like it really is and she lives in Australia so I never see her. You can just feel like such a big bloody failure when you hear some of these "i'm oh so competent-nothing ever phases me or stresses me out" mummies!

I totally understand the OCD thing. I'm there with the wet wipes all the time. Our house used to be minimalist and clean. No it is strewn with brightly coloured plastic toys, there are lumps of weetabix on the walls and there is pen on our beautiful cream sofa (hidden with a throw - DH would flip his lid!)

Anyway, once again, I digress. God, this IS therapy!!

Follow your heart naughty step. I found the decision to go for number two much harder than number one. I wanted a two year gap (which I got) but I felt as if the race was really on to achieve that and wasn't sure if I felt ready. I don't agree with those who say two is as easy as one - eventually perhaps, but not in the early days. It's true that ds slept better, slotted into a routine better (mainly because the second baby is largely ignored as you anxiously try to avoid making number one feel displaced!) and that I was much more relaxed about everything, but the fact is looking after a new baby while trying to look after a two year old is like trying to do it with one hand tied behind your back! You would have a bigger gap so it may be slightly easier for you (dd had only just started walking a couple of months before ds was born). I think you have to accept you will continue to be restricted in the baby days (one of the reasons I wanted a small gap - if I'd waited til I got my life back I might never have done it!) but as someone has already pointed out, although it seems like an eternity at the time in reality those years are gone in a flash. What is so great now (dc are now 6 and 4) is that they are real companions for one another and can amuse each other almost endlessly - giving me a bit of time to read the paper, go on mumsnet or whatever. At the moment they are each others best friend - who knows whether this great friendship will last - but I'd say it has a fighting chance. I always think it's rally sad when you go on holiday and see only children chatting sensibly with their parents instead of giggling with someone their own age! Incidently, I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing a preference for the sex of a baby - my mil thought I should be reported to social services when I said I really wanted a girl the first time round - of course you'll love the baby whatever the sex, but what's wrong with making your preference known (I'm sure many more people have one than care to admit it!). Which reminds that I was terrified I wouldn't love ds as much as dd whereas in fact the the love affair was much more instant. With dd my initial feeling was one of astonishment that I even had a baby, with ds the love I felt was almost overpowering from the moment I set eyes on him. Don't wait too long to make up your mind - I think we usually regret the things we don't do.

Really weird, but think I am slowly coming to a decision. Suddenly feel as if I would regret it if I didn't go for it again!

Thanks so much for all your support. It really helps. Have to sign off now as going away with work tomorrow for a few days and really NEED to get packed etc. Also, DH just home (upstairs reading DS a story) and has been getting annoyed with me spending too much time on computer...Men eh? They just don't get it do they?!!!

Thanks again all (((hugs)))

I have been going through all this agonising too. It is so daunting to think of those difficult baby days again and I hate being pregnant.

Lovely to read HONEST comments on how motherhood can be tough, tiresome. I mostly love it and I totally adore ds but the kiddie stuff isn't my cup of tea either. If it makes him happy that's cool but it still makes me cringe everytime I hear some dreadful kiddie song.

I've pretty much come to the conclusion we should go for it - I'm getting slightly more broody now ds is two this week and seems so much older. I also figure that if I am probably wanting another now I have to go for it as if I don't I might really regret it in the long term. And yes it is a few years of tough times for, hopefully, a long time beyond that as a family of 4 rather than 3.