4 1/2 year old being to told use a potty

[DisposableNN]

I have a 4 1/2 year old. Just started school in September. Uses the toilet fine at school. Uses the toilet fine at home. No problems.
Ds told me today that when he visits his dad (twice monthly) he has to use a potty because their only bathroom is upstairs and Ds isn't allowed upstairs when their dog is up there
How would you feel about this?
I don't know if my dislike for his dad is clouding my judgement.

Sorry - so ds has to use a potty downstairs.

Ds isn't allowed upstairs when their dog is the dog dangerous/temperamental? If so then, although not ideal, it might explain the potty. Although really the dog should be put elsewhere and D's should be able to use the proper facilities.

What about during the night if he has overnights? Does he sleep downstairs too? It seems that they need better and more secure space for the dog (outside?) if it's not safe for them to be sharing indoor space. My dd used a potty sometimes up til about 4.5 when camping or during the summer we work at festivals and it isn't always possible to walk to the nearest toilet (like 1/2 mile away) in time, etc. But those are special circumstances. For day to day use at home, children need proper access to a toilet, even if it means inconveniencing the family dog.

Sounds like you need to be worried about the dog!

Yes. Dog is unpredictable. But court/cafcass deemed it OK for ds to still stay there. I think that they are using the potty genuinely thinking it is the safest thing to do but ds doesn't like using it. Plus at what age will he be allowed to use the proper toilet? He has to sit on it in the lounge to do a poo. There are 3 adults in the house. Surely there has to be a better solution .
I am worried about bringing it up with ds dad as he will just tell me to fuck off. Just wondered if others wouldn't like it or if it was just me.

That's not reasonable at all. How long are they planning on doing this for?

I am worried about the dog. Ds dad convinced cafcass and the court that dog is fine even though I have texts from ds dad saying different.

Can the dog be secured in a bedroom when your lo goes upstairs with an adult?

When ds is downstairs the dog has to stay upstairs and vice versa. So if ds needs the loo he has to go downstairs because the dog is upstairs.

Girlsworld I would like to think they could do that. 3 adults in the house means they should be able to. They won't listen to me and just refer back to the court order.

Utterly that is my concern. I honestly believe they are coming from a good place by doing it this way. But will ds have to be 8/9/10? and still using the potty in the Lounge? When will the dog be safe enough for ds to be on the same floor of a house with said dog and other adults?
Plus there is privacy, continuity, hygiene etc to be considered. Additional needs aside no 4 1/2 yr old needs to poo on a potty whilst watching TV with other adults around.

That can't go on forever. How long ago did the court/cafcass stuff happen? Maybe time to revisit it? Not an unreasonable arrangement for a baby or toddler, but definitely verging on unacceptable now.
Could your ex go up and shut dog in a room before your son goes up, or use a babygate to block off the bathroom? Or put the dog in a cage while your son is upstairs?

Court was Oct 2017. I don't have the money to revisit it so only way (that I can see, and I am open to advice) is to refuse contact and force him to take me back to court which I don't think is right either.
Actually, you have given me an idea, I am going to speak to school family worker and see if they have any ideas. Don't know why I didn't think of that.

Ex won't take any suggestions from me and will tell ds to keep secrets from me so going directly to ex won't work sadly.

Spoke to grandparent today who confirmed that ds does have to use a potty because dog is kept upstairs behind a stair gate when ds visits so ds isn't allowed to use the toilet.
Wtf do I do about that?

Isn't there another room your son can use, rather than the living room with adults present? I wouldn't be keen on that, frankly, it's humiliating for the boy.

He is prevented from accessing the toilet because they won’t shut their dog away for the minute or so it would take to afford his son some consideration?

If you can take it to/back to court I would. That is an absolutely ludicrous situation.

No, apparently ds can only use the lounge to go on the potty. I will be back on the phone to the school nurse and school fsw first thing in the morning.

That's bizarre. Can't be good for the boy.

Can't lock the dog in a bedroom for 5 mins & they'd rather clean a pot out?

Are they scared of their own dog?

I'd get social services involved...