There seems no end to the Sleepless nights

[Lavenderdays]

My youngest dd is coming up to 9 months. First two dc, slept through the night from about 6 months, so naively thought that dc3 would too.

Dc3 has been an utter nightmare on the sleepless nights front to the extent that having a sleepless night is the new normal (basically haven't slept through the night for the best part of a year now if you include pregnancy). I am still breast feeding dd (was planning to do this up until the one year mark) along side solid food and think this might be part of the problem; that she is waking up for comfort etc. but she is also teething (first tooth has recently broken through her gum). Dc will wake 3 times in the night on average. I wouldn't say I have low mood exactly but I think the sleeplessness is not helping my mood.
Sleeplessness seems to affect everything; tired dh, who is also waking at times = irritability and a sense that we are muddling on. I have two other dc to look after and I am often irritable with them due mainly to lack of sleep; we have no evening to ourselves because dc3 is downstairs with us, I am overweight, mainly because I am comfort eating and eating sugary foods for instant lift etc. I don't feel safe to drive because I am so tired, the list goes on and on.

I am about 3 months from stopping breastfeeding; it's going to a huge emotional wrench (dc3 = last baby) but also might this be a relief? I need to get a bit of independence back, I have had to take dc3 everywhere in case she wants comfort/a feed. Sorry this is turning into a breastfeeding thread but I sort of think the two things are connected (could be wrong). I know my baby will soon be a toddler and this kind of makes me feel sad but having older children, I know it does get easier in some ways (and not in other ways).
Anyone been through similar?

Anyone else want a general moan about sleepless nights ?

My LO is 5 months so I'm still hopeful things will settle when we try some loose form of 'sleep training' at 6 months.
However, right now, it's pretty hellish. DC will not sleep alone. It has to be with me,pressed up against me. It's not the most comfortable sleeping arrangement. On top of this, he wakes several times. The only thing to settle him quickly is a feed. If I try any other method, it'll descend into hours of crying and a fully awake, pissed off baby. I know I'm supposedly making things worse for myself by giving into the cosleeping and multiple night feeds. But when it's 3am and you're tired as shit, you tend to choose the short term easy option.

DD1 didn’t sleep through the night until she was 3.5 years old, and DD2 was born when DD1 was 19 months so I had two of them waking multiple times a night, so I definitely feel your pain. I’m now 39 weeks with DC3, obviously a sucker for punishment!

FTM, We've ended up co-sleeping with dd3 (didn't with the other dds) - we relented and gave in just to get some sleep but it involves me sleeping at the other end of the bed because I am scared I will roll on her and dh puts dd on top of the duvet with his arm under her so both of us have broken sleep. Fortunately this doesn't happen every night, but my other two dcs were sleeping through at 6 months, the fact that I am still breastfeeding doesn't help - results in comfort feeding I'm sure and the fact that dd is teething also doesn't help, it just didn't seem this bad before with dd1 and 2!
SoyDora...that must have been so tough, perhaps dc3 will break the pattern like my dc3 has but in reverse!

I think kids just have their own wee ways and you are so lucky to have had two decent sleepers. I don’t mean to minimise how you feel now, it really is so hard being this tired. So much is made of what parents do and it is of course a factor but I really believe that there are natural sleepers and non sleepers. DD1 was dreadful and I coslept and boobed all night, when I night weaned around 14mo because I was completely demented, it made minimal difference other than DH could help much more at night. Around 18mo she naturally started sleeping through (although another 18mo down the line it’s still not consistent). DD2 is only 3mo but sleeping great and only waking once or twice, know it will probably deteriorate in next couple months but she feels like a totally different sleeper/ character.

So I suppose I’m saying stop bf whenever you want but this may be just how this child is and getting through this period is just about whatever you have to do to survive. Big tired hug to ya

Just read your update - maybe you can change things about you both being so tired? Ie if DH does the odd bit of sleeping elsewhere for a good rest, he can give you more lie ins and day time sleeps when possible? And if he’s out the bed you can cosleep more comfortably which may make you feel more rested. I know not ideal but survival like I said...

That was such a sweet post Merename...the word demented stands out to me though, it's not great for your sanity, is it all this sleep deprivation? I know it doesn't last forever but it feels like it at the time, especially when you don't have anyone to sympathise with and you don't know when the first night of unbroken sleep will be.

Yep, I'm very uneasy with the cosleeping too. As a PP has said, DH sleeps in the spare room so he can sleep through ready for work. On the weekends, LO gets handed over to him when he wakes around 6am and I lie in until around 9am. It's heavenly. . .until I get back into groundhog day Mon-Fri.

Yes Merename, dh has slept in the spare room on occasion, especially if he has to drive any distance the following day. Likewise, he tries to give me a bit of lie-in at the weekend where possible. I am totally hopeless at napping during the day (when baby sleeps) but dh can power nap (usually in his car, at work). It's only on really bad nights that dh gets involved (when dc just won't settle) because I have reasoned that it is good to have at least one sane parent. DH does his share and helps out where he can but obviously I the one breastfeeding/comfort feeding at the end of the day.

Yes FTM, those weekend lie-ins are heavenly - Sunday's are the best for me (because dh has to take dd2 to ballet on a Saturday morning, so not such a long lie-in). Christmas holidays are coming up and dh has over a week off. We were thinking of stopping the breastfeeding then but it is interesting what Merename said regarding the weaning making minimal difference to the sleeping. Anyone had experience of this?

No answers here, just sympathy. I think each child is different no matter what you do - what works perfectly for one just doesn't for another. DS1 was a great sleeper (still loves to sleep at 13!). DS2 was 3.5 before he slept through a night, and that was an unusual occurrence for a long time. He's 6 now and only recently had stopped sneaking into my bed in the middle of the night.

Tbh when he was tiny the only thing that helped me was going to bed at 8.30pm until he slept a bit better. At least I got some sleep then depressing as it was having no evening.

Know what you mean about feeling demented. I fell asleep standing up against the school office counter once. My memory was shocking and I hallucinated with exhaustion at times. It does pass, it just feels like forever at the time.

I seem to function okay on 2-3 night wakings, I think of sort of got used to it, it's the nights when dd just won't settle in her cot that are the worst, when co-sleeping commences. We are all in the same room still, don't want to move dd out because of the fear of waking other two dds, hence that is why I stay in the room with the co-sleeping thing...really don't like the co-sleeping thing, I have a friend who swore by it but it scares me and I end up not sleeping properly all night on these kind of nights.

It definitely is dementing...had a conversation with a friend recently about the language we all naturally use to describe sleep deprivation being serious...horrific nights, feeling inhuman, dark times etc. Broken sleep is so bad for our mental health. I find I start to feel very lonely when I’m at my most tired too. You definitely have sympathy here, at the very least!

Merename, it is funny that you should mention that you feel very lonely when you are at your most tired because I think it makes me feel a bit like this too; as if I am on the edge of things and not quite a fully functioning member of the human race. I hate being woken up but I tend to fall asleep pretty quickly though...it's just when you look at the clock and it says 1.45 am or 5.30 am and with the latter, you know it won't be long and you'll have to get up again.

I know...at the worst stage with my first she woke 5or 6 times a night and I found I was happier when I didn’t look at the clock, it is so depressing and I could stay in more of a sleepy fog. I agree not being a full part of things and hate having to cancel plans when too tired to participate. Better get to sleep now before getting woken in 3 or 4 hrs...hope it’s a peaceful one for you and if it’s not that you can stay relaxed with it

I feel your pain. My dd is almost 15 months and still waking up several times a night... We were making some progress with sleep training and then molars started coming through and were back to waking at least 2 times a night (with bottle of milk at least once). I have had the odd night of better sleep when my husband has been able to help (je is away much of the time) but haven't actually slept through the night since before pregnancy. I feel like it's had a cumulative effect - in the early days you run on adrenaline but as the months go by it gets harder. I don't feel like I'm ever in form. And it does start to wear you down..

Thanks Merename, I'm going to do likewise, though little dd hasn't dropped off yet. Instead of cancelling plans, I usually don't make them at all which can leave me quite isolated. It is easier for friends to come to me because of dd, therefore apart from the school run, I don't often leave the four walls (maybe for the odd walk) so don't have much of a change of scene (I live semi-rurally). My saving grace is that I like to write and I am writing a book which is what I usually delve into when dd sleeps; this literally keeps me sane. Hope you do manage to have a good night; it puts me on edge just thinking that I might shortly be woken up but it is actually par for the course now so I should be use to it.

I put DD2 down 7.30 and already been up to her 3 times for dummy and just gave her a feed now. That will hopefully be her til 1am, then 3.30am then 6am for feeds before up at 8am. DH will probably put her dummy in a few times in between too. She slept so well until 4.5 months. DS1 was terrible as well so I feel your pain!

Ooh what is your book about? That’s very exciting. I literally haven’t been able to read a book since kids, let alone write one, so I am impressed. Does your sleep torture feature in the storyline?!

Oh that sounds really hard - personally I need chat and friends and moaning, it really helps. But can’t always manage to get out for it, I mostly push myself through to get to it though.
I’ve been up to put 3yr old back in bed twice and now feeding baby. Hope you’re all faring better...

Good morning Merename. I am writing a historical novel with a twist - can't say too much, there is very much a theme to it...it is a shame I can't factor in the sleep torture, it would make for good reading I think!
Yes, I should get out more and plan to do so, once dd is on her feet, I have had dd later in life and all of my friends have older children and have lost touch with the realities of having a littlie in the house, so I probably should get out there and join a few baby groups, it's just that with 3 dcs in the mix and lack of sleep + book, I haven't felt like it.
Musicalmama...that must have been tough going back to no sleep again, I think my dd is in a similar sleep pattern to your dc currently.

The Blissful Baby Expert on Instagram is excellent. She's really lovely and can help with sleep. I use her night routine with my nearly 5 month old DD. I know all babies are different, but it might be worth a try!

Thanks Flatwhite, will take a look.

How are you doing, @Lavenderdays? Book sounds very exciting, glad you have it to keep you going. Getting out more does sound a good idea. Your big kids will be off now and it’s bedlam I imagine.

I’m struggling a bit today, shit sleep last night but more so with a blocked duct that has been coming and going but now quite problematic. I really don’t want mastitis for Christmas with the in laws, they are not the most sympathetic people.

Oh no Merename...is there anything that eases that blocked duct? Warm water (I don't know, I'm just guessing?). My 9 month old dd has teeth and is biting me! She is definitely coming off the breast at 12 months!
Sleep was middling last night - not at its worst but not great either, on top of which I have a cough and cold (back end of it now but still annoying.)
The two bigger dds are off school for two weeks but luckily my dh has some holiday booked for the majority of it, so it will seem like more of a break with an extra pair of hands on deck plus we will get out and about more (though my writing is practically shelved for the time being). I haven't seen my pre-teen much today, she is shut away in her bedroom, probably looking at trashy you tube clips etc. Occasionally she emerges for food but I'm just leaving everyone to their own devices today especially as I seem to be inundated with washing!
Sorry to hear that you are struggling, take care of yourself, blow the in laws the last thing you need is a pair of spectators/guests to care for, luckily I'm not in this situation (you could say it is lucky or unlucky as we have very little extended family). I tend to reflect about everything at this time of year and I can start to feel a bit morose if I don't watch out. Take care of yourself and keep well x

Sorry to jump in late in the day, but wanted to say, we’re in a very similar situation. The LLL book has some interesting info on co-sleeping. And made me feel very reassured about BF babies and co-sleeping, plus a reduction in risk at 4.5months..... we’re all about surviving no sleep here