Pregnant at 40 with 7 year age gap and TERRIFIED AND ANXIOUS!

[7yearslater]

So I found out a couple of days ago that I'm pregnant after nearly 3 years of trying. I've got a gorgeous 7 year old son and we never intended to have such a big gap. I suffer from panic attacks and since I found out I was expecting I've been a mess. I'm not excited at all and in fact keep half hoping for miscarriage so my life will stay the same and not change. I hate feeling anxious - it blighted my first pregnancy and the thought of going through all that again is more than I can handle. Please help with positive thoughts!!

My closest sister and I have ten years between us. She was my rock and best friend growing up. The gap is nothing. It's normal....nature allows gaps like that because they are fine!

40 is not what it once was either. You're only a wee sprite! Congratulations!

Ha, this could have been my post when I got pregnant with my current baby.

I now have a squishy newborn and life is good. It is so much more easy and relaxing the second time round and the big age gap is amazing! An extra pair of hands and no jealousy issues.

Both the pregnancy and birth were also easier this time around.

You will be fine and you will love the age gap too--promise! Give yourself time to get used to the idea.

Oh your message made me cry! Thank you. I'm not sleeping and am feeling so shitty for feeling like this after trying for so long. I'm inherently lazy too and having been through it once with my son (who would never nap for anything) I'm filled with anxiety at the thought of sleepless nights again. It sounds so silly when I say it out loud.

The difficult bits of pregnancy and babyhood seem to fly by this time around.

With my first, every difficulty had me catastrophizing ("She must be a difficult child" "We've ruined our lives"), whereas this time round I just shrug and say "Well, they grow out of this phase soon enough." Which they do.

I think your son will enjoy having a sibling and it does seem to encourage maturity and independence, as far as I can tell.

I hope so - he's an absolute poppet and my best friend in the world so I'm hoping he'll be a fabulous big brother. I genuinely didn't think it would happen so it's taking a lot more adjustment than I thought. My DH is amazing though and he'll be there no matter what happens. I just wish I wasn't so anxious as it makes me miserable

Think how much easier it will be this time around - when you're breastfeeding and you need a bottle of water you can ask your DS to go fetch you one, or fill up the baby bath for you, maybe even walk around with the baby in a sling when she won't settle, to give your back a break. You could even teach him to change nappies (maybe just number 1s, and on a blanket on the floor rather than a change table probably). And at 7 he won't need intensive parenting to stay out of trouble like a 1 or 2 year old would need. You've also done an excellent thing for him giving him a sibling!

There's 6 years between DH and his younger bro and they are best mates. I think MIL was 41 when he was born.

The only 'bad' thing is that BIL still gets babied a bit by everyone (he's 24).
The best bit for BIL was probably having an adult bro to give him lift as a teen and help him get away with all the stuff DH couldn't

10 years between my sis and I she is younger. 7 years n 8 months between my 2 sons...I was nearly 38 when I had the second son. It is great. Some juggling of activities when younger but thats the same if close in age. They are 19 and 11 now and I love it when they sit snd talk etc. Good luck xx

I have a 6 and 9 year gap with my siblings & am much closer to both of them than they are to each other.... so I think the age gap is less important than lots of other things.

I terms of your panic & anxiety I really feel for you as I've had both in the past. I find they distort my thinking in such a negative way so perhaps if that tackled those you would feel better about the pregnancy & age gap.
I take citalopram & have continued to do so through my pregnancy with GP approval.
Also had lots of therapy, much which has helped. You may be able to get fast tracked as you are pregnant.
Sending love!

Hey @7yearslater

Just came across your post and wondered how you are doing now. I hope it worked out ok and your little boy is loving being a big brother!

Nine years between me & the next oldest in our family, my youngest brother, I’m the youngest of four & my Mum had me when she was 38.

I’m really close to my brother & loved having older siblings when I was younger, the age gap never bothered me & in fact it was great as they helped Mum & Dad look after me, took me places with their friends, they were working, driving etc long before I was so I was actually really spoilt by them all (in a lovely way!)

Congratulations. Pretty standard initial panic, it'll settle down once you get your head around it.

Our youngest 2 (twins) will have almost 6.5 year gap with current baby coming very soon, didn't want as big of a gap but lost 2 between. Our eldest is 15 and not interested in baby at all, she says she will be once she's here though. The 4 younger are excited and like watching/feeling baby wriggling.

There’s 7 years between my eldest and youngest, they are now 13 and 5.

My youngest has her sister right under her thumb! My eldest will do whatever random request she makes, yet can’t pick a wet towel up from the floor

I also have a sister 10 years younger than me and we adore each other. Very close.