V. sad subject - nanny committed suicide - how/what to tell the children?

[shutthedamndoor]

I need your advice.
We lived abroad last year and had a wonderful time ... and had a nanny/babysitter for out 10 and 11 year old DDs who picked them up from school and played/hung out with them each day. The nanny recently visited us for a weekend and we all had a lovely time.
Out of the blue yesterday I found out from friends that she committed suicide over the weekend. DH and I are obviously upset - and we are trying to figure out what to tell the children. They are in touch with friends from last year and so the topic will come up at some point. Also, they text her intermittently - and so we do need to address it soon.
She died of an overdose - though I dont know if its from recreational or prescription drugs. She was such a beautiful soul - and I know the girls will be devastated. My instinct is to tell them that it was an accidental overdose of too many tablets - I think they will feel (as we all do) guilty and confused if we tell them it was suicide - I just dont think they can process that yet.
What do you think? I have no experience of this at all and am at a loss of how to help them process and grieve.

childbereavementuk.org/for-families/support-for-bereaved-children/

Could maybe look at this site, and get in touch?

If your children are in touch with other children who know the nanny, then they are surely likely to find out the truth from them? In which case my be best to tell them the truth?

'X has very sadly died, it's really tragic when someone dies so young and my heart goes out to her family - I wonder if we should remember her by writing a card or sending some flowers, what would you like to do?' if they ask more, it's best to give limited but truthful info eg I think she got unwell from some medicine she had. Discourage them from bringing it up on social media with friends, (suicide contagion effect) explain that it might be upsetting to people to talk about or for her family if others are talking about it 'but they will all be thinking of her like us'.

I would stick to the facts. Your she died from a drug overdose, you don't know anymore than that. It is very sad for her, and her family and friends as you all cared about her.
You don't really know anything else at the moment.

One of DS's school friends committed suicide at the weekend, the school sent out a letter and recommended getting advice on how to speak to the kidsl from a website called Winstons wish

Thanks all - I´ve taken a look at the websites and there is lots of good advice there. I realise now that I could have googled but I´m not thinking particularly straight - so thankyou.
DDs aren`t on social media so that´s one less thing to think about.
It´s just so terribly sudden and terribly sad.

Tell them that she wasn’t very well and has sadly died I don’t think 10/11 year olds will want to know details if they do say she had lots of problems which caused her death, not lying at all but it’s to young to have to explain Suicidal to them... my mum sadly done the same long before my daughter come along and this is all I told her until she was old enough to understand x

Don’t go into the details about the suicide (or not). Kids that age have no concept of cause and effect and you may well put an idea into their heads. Just say she passed away. End of. And deal with the existential questions that come. It’s perfectly ok to say ‘i don’t know’ or lie if they ask how she died.

Thanks all. In the end we told them that she was feeling sad and took some drugs to make herself feel better but that they were very strong and her body couldn't cope with them and she died.
The girls seem ok, very sad, but ok. We were able to talk about reaching out to friends when you feel sad, and how dangerous drugs are... and we framed it that it was an accident, which I think is easier for them to handle.
I'm sure it will take a while to filter through, DD2 said that she can't really believe it yet...