Toddler HATES baby/toddler group!

[Chocolateheaven123]

My DS is 2 in Feb. We've tried various groups, activities, etc since he was a few months old. However, he's never really taken to them and it's getting worse. Took him to baby + toddler group yesterday. It's a lovely one, and all the parents are very friendly, great toys, snack etc. Only been able to take him three times in two months due to illness and other commitments. Every single time, he's become unsettled and cried constantly (genuine upset, not just whining). With family, friends, he's great. A happy child who loves playing and running around.

In toddler group or classes, he's miserable. I'm now wondering if it's worth the hassle and tears. It's drilled into me from HV, other mums and others how important it is to socialise him with other children. But even in group, he just does his own thing and plays along side. He gets nothing out of being there with other kids.

We've been out of routine a little lately as I'm expecting #2 and been very sick with it, but we are slowly getting a routine back.

In the new year, I want to get back to our old routine - taking him swimming, library, park, soft play, shopping and so on. Is this enough?

Just worry he doesn't get much interaction with other children. My friend has two little ones of similar age and as she's a SAHM, once I'm on maternity leave, it'll be easier to see her. I also have a a relative with a toddler, just he goes to his dad's half the week so difficult to get our schedules to work. He doesn't have yet have any cousins (will next year but won't see them much due to distance, sadly) and he will have a little brother or sister in May/June.

I just feel like I'm failing DS somehow that he doesn't have much interaction with other kids but he HATES toddler group. Am I harming him by stopping going to them?

Do you think he might be overwhelmed by them rather than hating them?

As long as he is interacting with other children he will be fine, as you said he's OK with friends and people he knows.

Mine won't join in until he's sure of what's going on qnd will stand next to me for a little bit. He will then bring toys over to play next to me until he's comfortable enough to run around. Would he respond well to you playing quietly with him at first?

Can you do walks for a bit of exercise and fresh air and then do activities at home until he gets into it?
Make some cakes and get him to decorate them
Get or make pizza bases and get him doing the toppings
Same with pan cakes
Play dough is easy to make with flour and salt and wilko sell a tool set for about £2
Wilko also sell paint and interesting brushes. I get paper plates for DD to paint and use egg boxes as paint pots so I just chuck them out afterwards.
Try planting seeds together too
Save different yoghurt pots and scoops from tubs of stain remover to play with in the bath

If he has interaction with children his own age and family and friends it's fine if he's not into groups.

Gummy yes I think it is more that he is overwhelmed. I do play with him quietly at the start but he just gets worse the longer it goes on. For example, yesterday: got there, settled in and he sat on my lap for about 10 minutes then we went off to play. He found some toys in a corner, we were there for about 15 minutes then he started exploring. After that, he started getting unsettled, didn't know what to do with himself. Tried various different toys and books for him but he kept pushing them away and getting worse. Tried the craft section, started getting clingy (I was with him the entire time). Then he just gets worse and cries. He wants to be picked him (not easy when he weighs a ton and I'm pregnant again ). Only time he's okay is snack time. We were there for an hour today before I had to leave. The leaders and other parents are very sympathetic and understanding but it's too much for him I guess.

Hunky Punky forgot to say, we do lots of baking and arts and crafts at home, plus reading and singing on top of what we normally do. We haven't seen my friend and her children for a good few weeks as she has a newborn plus illnesses on both sides. We are meeting tomorrow. Most of my other friends haven't got children but he gets a lot of interaction with family, people whilst out and about, etc.

You are SO not failing your son! Honestly it sounds like you are doing an absolutely fantastic job. He’s not even two yet. He is getting all the socialization he needs by friends and relatives occasionally and seeing other kids at the park, library, pool, etc. He’s making it clear to you that he’s not ready for a bigger group and that’s comoletely fine. Don’t push it, just stop going for a while and maybe try again early next year. Toddlers have short memories and they are very fickle with what they like so it may go really well next time. Also keep in mind that many mums enjoy baby and toddler groups because they (the mums) enjoy socializing with each other. There’s nothing wrong with that but if your child hates it you don’t need to force him to stay.

Most importantly, please PLEASE stop beating yourself up! There is so very much pressure on mums nowadays to do everything “right.” I think it gives mums parents a sense of security to feel like they are following all the rules. Almost as if you can create the perfect child if you just breastfeed, do baby-led weaning (all organic of course!), give them simple wooden toys, NO screens ever, take them to toddler groups at least twice a week, etc etc etc. You will see with your second child how much of that goes out the window, and with your third child you won’t even remember the rules!

He's fine Chocolate, save yourself the bother he'll get into it when he's older at pre school. Put your feet up more

My pfb was very similar OP. Do the things you're already doing, potter about in the kitchen, garden etc, and don't worry. Try again with something like swimming lessons when he's 3, he'll be that much older and better able to cope. That will get him gently used to the idea of group activities but in a structured way.
My DS hated al the toddler groups but was happy just being with mummy (or daddy in a pinch ). I was also pregnant and I think he just needed to be near me to feel reassured. Fast forward he's now 6 and thriving at school, he's a very social little guy despite his lack of toddler group experience. He just prefers a more structured environment. He also much preferred to be outdoors when he was little, I think those hot stuffy play groups were very claustrophobic for him.
Sounds like you are doing all the right things for him, not every kid needs the same inputs.

If he's not ready then definitely leave it for now and maybe try again in a few months with a shorter time? Maybe the last half hour or from snack time and just slowly build up?