Worried about baby no. 2 impact on baby no.1. Feel like I've made a massive mistake!

[fairylightsandfire]

Hi, hope this is the right place to post! I've got a perfect little 13 month old DC who we both adore. DC is just my world and we love him beyond words. Have just found out I'm pregnant again.
We had sort of decided we wanted two but unsure of when.
I'm just so worried they are too close together. I can't stop crying. I'm worried my baby is going to miss out on all the attention when the new on comes along. He's so close to me and I worry what effect it'll have.
Also worry how on Earth I'm going to cope! I'm already exhausted.

Please, please any advice welcome. Anyone been in the same boat? Or felt the same? I also feel guilty for not being excited for new babe.
What benefits to a small age gap?

Xx

It will be brilliant! I had my first two just less than a year apart, they were like twins. It went in a blur because very busy but they were the best days. Your first will absolutely love having a sibling similar age, at first your new baby will be just a thing to them but by the time the baby is 1 they'll definitely play together. My first two are 5+6 now and my totally unexpected 3rd is 19 months, and she plays with her big brothers full on, they are all very close. Congratulations op!

I've had the same wobbles op, ds is 17 months and baby is due next month. I'm prepared for it to be tough going for a while but I think ds is also young enough to easily forget when it was just me and him. Everything will become the new normal and his little world will continue to turn. And hopefully when baby is a bit older they will play and be good friends which will make the tough times and transition worth it.

Congratulations, and don't panic!!

I became pregnant when my son was 9 or 10 months, found out very early and talked about the baby in my tummy non-stop so he was excited and proud to be a big brother.

I was also worried that I'd have less time with him once the baby arrived. What I didn't plan on was having zero energy while pregnant, so he started being more independent and was used to not needing me all the time. Naturally there were, and still are, times when they both need me. It's no different than when I'm needed while on the bathroom! It's stressful, but both kids have learnt that they don't always come first. Teaches them patience, so it's a good thing!

Energy-wise, I'm struggling at the mo. Really struggling!! It's hard doing late nights and having to be perky in the morning and live up to our own expectations of how we should be doing. I'm hoping it'll get easier soon, but that's my experience. You might be more energetic than me. Good luck!

We have a small gap between our first two. It wasn't easy but well worth it. I went back to work quickly after 8 weeks which I don't recommend in terms of sanity saving tips.

What really helped was having a very structured routine. I quickly got them both on a schedule so they napped at the same time so I could nap too. Food was prepared the night before so I just had to reheat or take the cellophane off if it was a sandwich. I packed the diaper bag the night before so much easier to just leave the house. Formula here in the US is made with running tap water and you can keep it premade in the fridge for 24 hours. Every night I made the bottles for the next day. I had an excellent stroller and highly recommend getting something like the mountain buggy double stroller or the citimini double gt. Both are very easy to push and comfortable with different sized DC.

Hi. I have also a 1 year old and just gave birth to my little boy a couple of weeks ago. It is hard work but well worth it. She really loves to interact with him. She does get jealous sometimes but interact with her when he naps and try to let them interact too so she gets used to him. You will be fine. Helps to get out and about when you can and meet other mums. You will do amazing xx

I have one child and I worry how he will be affected by being an only child because I can’t have any more. Not diminishing your worries but please count your blessings. It will be great, don’t fret.

We have a 21 month age gap, so very similar to you. It was very hard work for the first few months having 2 under 2, but DS adapted very quickly to having a younger sister - he seemed to like the company for example sitting in the back of the car with him. They started playing together properly once she was about 12 months. They are now 2 and coming up for 4 and play together constantly because they are close enough in age he acts down / she acts up and they happily play with the same toys. I have no regrets at all about our small gap at this point - I think it's been very positive for DS despite him having to share my attention.

I have a friend with an older DC the same age as my DS but a 2 year 9 month gap. Its been easier for her, but i think it'll be several years before they are playing together - the year bigger gap means they are interested in completely different types of toys.

I was in the exact same boat. Same worries. Honestly it is the absolute best thing ever!! Kids adore each other so much and get so much long from each other.

All my friends waited an extra year or 2 and the age gap is a struggle.

It couldn’t have worked out better for us.

Long = love

19 month gap here. The first 6 months were hard for me due to the sheer exhaustion, but it has worked out really well. We’ve never had a hint of jealously/sibling rivalry etc, DD1 doesn’t remember DD2 not being there! They’re just 5 and 3.5 now and honestly best of friends.

Congratulations. My older two have 21months between them. It was hard work but never a problem. Please don't worry, enjoy your pregnancy.

I was exactly the same. I cried many an evening. I had a similar age gap and worried that my eldest would miss out on being centre of the world,that my love for her would change or that I wouldn't love #2 as much. Dh, youngest of 4 in a very close family was .

Of course, I needn't have worried. #1 adored #2 from the word go, even though they bicker hugely now at 8 and 6.5. The age gap was hard to begin with, but that was in part due to circumstances as DH had to go back to work at 4 days PP, we don't don't have family near and I was a bit poorly.

We now have a surprise #3 too, who came along with just under a 6 yr gap. I was much more circumspect this time, but still has some of the same feelings about the impact on the older ones. Again, they were in love from even before he appeared. He is the absolute apple of their eyes, and watching them fall in love with him has been wonderful for the family. He's 14 months now and a right monkey. 😂

Thanks so much for all the replies ladies. I am feeling a little more positive about it now. Especially hearing that the older ones love the littles and the activities side I hadn't thought of, a big positive re stuff they like, holidays, movies etc

I have been looking at double buggies and also have a great sling I used for my first that I'm planning on putting the new one in.

It's the energy that's worrying me too, I was so tired with my first pregnancy! Also had a horrible birth

Thanks again xx