What would you do

[sarah8621]

I have 5 kids, 13 girl & 12 boy from first marriage. 9 boy with disabilities from second marriage, 4 girl & 2 girl current partner.

My partner works on average 6 days a week doing a skilled physical job. He is (most the time) amazing to me, and all of the kids.
Financially we're good, not millionaires but comfortable.
His family aren't around much, and my family live 100 miles away.

Over the past 6 months things have been really hard, between 3-7 it's witching hour in our house!
The mornings are just as stressful.

My issue is now that I'm just exhausted, emotionally & physically I'm done in.
The fighting and arguing between kids is getting worse every week, the physical outbursts from the kids is becoming dangerous to the two babies.
I find myself drinking every night, smoking 30 ciggys a day, and I feel like I'm switching off from the world.

I rarely enjoy being a parent - apart from every other weekend when the big 3 go to their dads for 2 nights and 2 days. But that is it. No support from dads, no extra time, just 4 days a month they step up. I've tried suggesting more visits, more time, more support, I get nothing.
I'm the bad guy, all day, everyday, apart from 4 days a month.

What would you do?

I've been the one that does it all always, and my mental state is now suffering like never before.
I don't want to say it - but - I can't do this anymore. I can't cope.

Why should I be the one left to deal with this then criticised when I loose my shit?

I am thinking of becoming the part time parent. But that's huge. The only person I've spoken with has told me to put up and shut up!
But I feel like I want to go to sleep & not wake up now

Well done for realising you need help. Reach out to local services, talk to your GP, HV, social services. Get yourself in a good place. Accept you're not superwoman. Big hugs to you.

It sounds like hard work.

Go to your GP and ring SS - does your 9 year old have a social worker?

Is your 4 year old in school/nursery? When will your two year old be entitled to 15 hours nursery?

9 year old doesn’t have social worker no, we’ve had help in the past but not anymore. I’ve asked for help and they investigated the closed the case!
4 year old is in nursery, hopefully 2 year old will start in April next year.

I’ve reached out before & not had much luck.
This is why I’m just feeling done with it all. Feel like I’ve exhausted every other option really

I would use some of your money (even if it means fewer cigarettes and/or less booze) to put your 2 yr old in Nursery from Christmas and ring fence that time to focus on your mental and physical health. Whether you need more sleep or you need to get some exercise / fresh air, or you need to join a group of like minded friends for a good belly laugh each week or some combination of this or even all of these.
Even a couple of hours a week of ring-fenced 'me time' a week can make the world of difference.

That’s not something I’ve considered or tried, thank you, I’ll give it a go!

Honestly? I’d stop having kids with every man you get into a relationship with. Have you gone to court to determine visiting and access?

That sounds much harsher written down than I intended. Unfortunately you can’t make the dads step up and take the kids more if they don’t want to/won’t do it.

You say you’re comfortable, I’d spend a little bit of money on having the kids looked after for the weekend and getting away to get your head straight. Avail of councelling, or parenting classes that may give you additional coping skills and I am not trying to be smart or dismissive but ensure you’re using a reliable method of contraception because the last thing you want right now is to find out you’re going to be a mammy again. Good luck with it.