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Parenting

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Our baby won't be settle for DH

11 replies

ExcitedForChristmas18 · 10/12/2018 10:28

Gosh I hope somebody can help!

Our DS2 is now seven months old, and just will not settle at all for DH.

DS2 has got into this habit of only wanting me. But it's starting to really upset DH now. Our baby will literally cry non stop for hours if I let him, until I come back in and lie next to him.

DH is so patient, caring, loving and tries so desperately hard with our son. But is convinced our baby just hates him! It's so upsetting to see. Our baby just wants me next to him at all times, I do absolutely everything. If DH tries, the crying starts and won't stop until I'm back next to him. It's got to the point now though, that we have both had enough. DH is jealous of me that the baby wants me so much, and I'm jealous of him that he gets to watch telly at night in peace and chill out!

Another problem is our baby was a bit poorly last week (teething) he sleeps next to me in his Snuzpod. He was very unsettled and upset, so I slid him over into our bed for the night. This has been the biggest mistake!!
He now will not sleep in his pod, and cries non stop, I mean will not give in at all, until I just can't cope with the crying anymore and move him into our bed.

DS1 co slept with us, and I really did not what that to happen again with DS2 because DS1 still comes into our bed in the middle of the night, three years on!

Can someone tell me please what I can do?!
Also are there any daddy's out there in the same position? He feels like such a failure not being wanted. I want him to know that other dad's out there might of gone through this aswell 😔

OP posts:
ExcitedForChristmas18 · 10/12/2018 10:33

Thread Title makes no sense!!
Sorry everyone!!

OP posts:
justtheonethen · 10/12/2018 10:46

No advice but following as we are in the same situation. My DD is 9 months and always used to settle for DH but now just cries until I’m there.
It’s really getting us both down.

littleHen84 · 10/12/2018 10:48

This is currently happening with my 20 month old,think it is just a phase and they perhaps dont fully grasp you will come back when you arent on the room. All the different phases pass and everything will even out and round off,most toddlers/young children have good relationships with both caring parents. I often worry about various things but they all get there in the end and things will get easier when communication is easier.

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mommybear1 · 10/12/2018 10:50

Hi no advice I'm afraid my PFB is 13 months and will not settle for DH never has it's a real kick for DH but nothing we have done has changed things.

Cherries101 · 10/12/2018 10:53

How much time alone does your DH spend with your DS? I think not a lot if you do everything right? Strongly suggest he spends regular 1-2-1 time with DS without you in the house.

MyKingdomForBrie · 10/12/2018 10:53

It's just a phase, just go with it. Keep gently trying to introduce DH into the routines but I wouldn't worry too much, 7 months is tiny and very natural to want his mummy most of all! Especially if you're breastfeeding..?

As for the snuzpod I'd wait til he was definitely feeling 100% then try a gentle method to get him back into it like pick up put down maybe. Or just ditch the snuzpod and try transitioning into his own room?

bellinisurge · 10/12/2018 10:59

My dh was in exactly the same situation and it broke his heart. 11 years on and you wouldn't know she was so clingy to me that she wouldn't let him do very much with her. They are best buds and have a fantastic relationship.
It is a long hard road. I would say that by about 12-18 months it started to get better. I know a few Dads who never even bothered. It is their loss.
But it is hard work being rejected and I really sympathise. Not good for your mental health either.

TBDO · 10/12/2018 11:03

This too shall pass...

Does DH spend any of the nice ‘awake’ time with DS? I found that mornings were always a good time with DC, they were most interactive etc then. This could strengthen their bond.

Smurf123 · 10/12/2018 11:07

My son is 9 months and is the same. Although he will settle with dh as long as I am not in the room (except at bedtime then it has to be me)... Dh also finding it hard and says ds doesn't like him.. That's definitely not the case.. I'm just hoping as ds gets older he comes happier with his daddy

ExcitedForChristmas18 · 10/12/2018 12:38

It is so reassuring to know there are other parents in the same position..

We are quite fortunate, as before we had children we made sure we were financially stable enough, that DH could be at home all the time until the children start school.
I'm disabled so need him here to help, because of my pain. So the baby is use to dad being around 24 7..

I have not been at home a few times and left our baby with DH. It use to be ok, me not being in the house, the baby would settle. But if I am here, even downstairs..he must be able to sense I'm here and just won't stop crying until I'm next to him!

Now we can't even do that..If I'm not at home, it's hell..he cried for nearly two hours last week until I got back home 😔

I think what makes DH feel even more low, is that our first born was great and would go to either of us, they had such a great bond from day dot.
He is convinced DS2 just hates him!

This morning the baby was laying next to me in bed, DH came and lay next to our baby..and straight away the tears started until DH got off the bed!

OP posts:
ExcitedForChristmas18 · 10/12/2018 12:43

Oh and about breastfeeding..no I don't breastfeed.
I have to bottle feed due to all the medication I take.

OP posts:
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