Feeding to sleep

[teaping]

My baby is 6.5 months old and is breastfed to sleep for every nap and night sleep. The only exception to this is napping in the car. My husband can occasionally rock him to sleep at night but it's increasingly rare. I didn't intend to get into this situation but now its happened and I don't know how to get out of it. I've been trying and failing for weeks and weeks to stop.

We have a consistent bedtime routine with bath / cuddles / music / white noise etc. I give him the same muslin each night which I wear in my top but he doesn't really show much attachment to it. I've tried various pieces of advice online, but nothing is working so far.

While he's trying to fall asleep he will just scream the second the boob is out of his mouth. If he's almost asleep and I take him off, he roots around for it and gets increasingly agitated until he is full blown screaming or has the boob back again.

If I don't feed him to sleep he will stay awake all day with no nap and has done this many times where I've tried not to allow him to sleep on the boob. If my husband tries instead he will just scream and scream and scream. I've sat beside his crib patting his bum or chest to reassure him I'm there, but he just screams for hours. If I pick him up he doesn't fully calm unless I feed him. He won't take a dummy, but does take a bottle of expressed milk.

Anyone got any tips for how to teach him to sleep without the boob? I am not intending to try and stop breastfeeding yet, but I want him to be able to fall asleep without boob. He's waking up hourly at night and I'm exhausted!

I can't leave him to cry for any length of time. I appreciate that works for some people but it's not for me. I'd be very grateful for any tips from anyone who has broken this cycle. Thank you x

Why do you want him to fall asleep without boob? If it’s for your benefit, keep trying, but if it’s just because you feel like that’s what babies are ‘supposed’ to do, I’d just keep going with what causes most sleep and least distress for everyone involved.

My baby just started taking himself off the boob and having a roll about to fall asleep around 10 months. He’s now 15 months and naps fine with his dad or my mum when I’m at work. He still has milk at bedtime, sometimes falls asleep feeding but can manage without as well, and we’re both well and happy. I really think that’s the only bit that matters: find what works for you (which will be different for every baby and every mum), smile, nod and ignore at people who have ‘helpful’ suggestions, and keep doing what works. It all changes so quickly with little babies that even when you do think “oh great, we’ve cracked this” it’ll all change again.

Poor you, hourly wake ups are a killer

I have no advice re stopping feeding to sleep, as my DD2 is fed to sleep for naps and at night and she's 14mo (I'm actually dreading when it stops working because it's such an easy way to get her to sleep)

If it's this stressful for you and him to try and force him not to feed to sleep, in all honesty I would stop and would just carry on feeding to sleep.

Re the hourly wake ups - have you tried cosleeping and / or feeding lying down? That might be really helpful in getting you a bit more sleep. I can't feed lying down (well I can but I can't sleep as her latch feels odd so I can't relax enough), but if she's unsettled I bring her in with me (she's in an sidecarred cot anyway but sometimes needs to be closer) and that always gets me longer chunks of sleep.

Re the comforter - you'll need to condition it otherwise he won't take to it. So you need to have it there for all feeds / cuddles / rocks to sleep during the day and night. And you need to do that consistently for a good few weeks. He'll then see it as part of you (and you're right in that it also needs to smell like you, that's really important too). Once it's conditioned, you may find that more helpful. But get more! If he loses it, it'll be really traumatic for him as he'll feel like he's lost part of you.

White noise can also be really helpful, but again it needs to be conditioned - and not just as part of your bedtime rhythm. Keep it playing right through the build up to bedtime and then while you're getting him to sleep. Then keep it going all night. And again it'll take a few weeks to become conditioned.

Keep feeding to sleep while you're doing these things - you need to get them in place and conditioned before you try and remove the boob as part of the rhythm. But bear in mind that he may still need that comfort to settle to sleep, and that's normal too - you're not doing anything wrong and there's nothing wrong with him. But you might find that conditioning the comforter and the white noise helps a little with the wake-ups. And if they don't, I'd see if cosleeping means he sleeps in longer stretches (just make sure you're following safety guidelines).

I hope it gets better for you soon.

Thanks ladies.

It's not so much I feel I have to stop, I guess I just feel a little bit trapped because he's so so so reliant on it. I will admit I also feel quite pressured from others' comments and input, but i have so far ignored them and can continue to do so. I have wondered if it's why he's waking up so frequently - because he is falling asleep with a boob and when he wakes it's gone, and that's part of why I'm keen to stop. He does end up in bed with us most nights because I reach a point of exhaustion where it's easier to just have him lying next to me, but I don't find it very comfortable because I'm not well endowed in the chest department and have to lie at an awkward angle to allow him to feed while lying down. If only he would cuddle to sleep things would be fine!!

I missed the hourly wake-ups, they are an absolute killer! He is at a sleep-regression-ish age and I still find my little one feeds frequently at night before a big growth spurt, new teeth, or a developmental leap (crawling, walking, better communication etc) - it does pass but when you’re in the middle of it, it’s crap. Have good coffee in the house, and I found it really helpful handing the baby to someone else and having a half hour slow walk outdoors on my own in the day to get some peace and some sunlight into my zombified mind, if you can manage that.

We cosleep and it means I’m sane! Have an Ikea gulliver cot side-carred to our bed (tutorials online if you google) which makes it comfier as we’ve enough space. I absolutely refuse to stand up at night unless it’s to go for a wee.

Sending energy and sympathy. It will get easier!

Hi teaping

My daughter, who is now 18 months, was similar with naps and bedtime. I made a point of reading to her every time before BFing her to sleep from about 6 months, to establish it as a sleep cue, and over time she stopped needing to feed to sleep and I could just put her down at nap time after a story. No idea if it would have happened anyway but might be worth a go as it's fairly low-stress. I also found that dropping down to 2 naps rather than 3 made things much easier: the late afternoon nap had always been a battle so once that was gone (also at around 6 months) the other two seemed to click into place a bit better.

I also slowly transitioned to formula during the day: once that and 3 solid meals a day were well-established, weight gain was good and I knew she was definitely getting the right amount of food and liquid in the day, we did controlled crying (at about 10 months). It worked fairly swiftly, I think partly because she was used to falling asleep on her own for naps. I appreciate that CC isn't for everyone but thought I would share what worked for us. I would have been nervous about doing it before solids and formula were established, because I had supply issues and would have worried that she wasn't getting enough without night feeds - but that won't apply to everyone.

Hope some of that is helpful.

We have just been through the exact same thing. I was dead on my feet from the hourly wakings each night so understand how you feel.

My DS is 7.5 months now and we are finally at a point where I can feed him, unlatch and he will roll over and go to sleep without needing my boob in his mouth

It took AGES, not going to lie. But we basically did this:

• try to have one nap a day in buggy or car seat
• introduced a shhhh sound as he was drifting off, and a pat or a hand resting on him
• for feed to sleep naps, I would lie down with him on our bed. As he fell asleep and did those fluttery suckles I would gently unlatch. Cue crying and wriggling to latch back on. So I let him latch on again, then repeated it over and over and over. The first few days I probably let him relatch 20 odd times, if not more. Eventually he gave up and went to sleep without sucking. We are now at the stage where he will unlatch himself and roll over to go to sleep.

It is a sloooow method, but quite kind I think. Minimal fuss! It has made no end of difference to his night wakings as well. For the first time ever last night he slept for 6 hours! I of course was wide awake waiting for him to wake up.

I should add that my DS is still not great at linking sleep cycles for naps, so quite often I will have to let him feed again after 30/45mins so he will nap for longer. But we will get there :)

Haven't read all of the posts. But thought I'd throw my two cents in.

My dd always breast fed to sleep. I tried unlatching before she fell asleep, letting her self sooth, tried different routines, but wouldn't settle for anything other than a boob.
She ended up bfing to sleep for naps and nights, including every hour up until about 3months then every 3hours, then every 45minutes from 4months-7months then back to 3hours, then gradually longer(max 4hour gap) until about 11months when I night weened.
Then she still had bf for bed time for a month or so for comfort even though she didn't actually drink anything from me. She also self weened on day nap feedings earlier than night feeds.
I think each babe is different, but at the end of they day they have only been alive for x amount of months, you can't expect them to have it all figured out and need no comfort.
Not really advice, but no amount of sleep training helped us. Just had to power through being a zombie for a while.

Thank you all for your replies.

@Emmafh3 how did you night wean? I'm not ready to do that yet but very interested to hear how you did it.

@FiresideTreats thank you - that sounds similar to where we are / what might work for us. I think I might try your method of repeated unlatching until he will drift off without it. I bet it's really tough though!! I have no willpower at 3am when I'm tired and he's upset. The linking sleep cycles is a problem here too, as he never ever naps more than 30-45 mins, but I remain hopeful we will get there.

@Verbena87 thank you. We did cosleeo using a bedside crib but he never liked it from day 1 - he's always wanted to be in my arms rather than next to me. Some nights he now comes into bed with us in the middle of the night which he loves as he has free and ready access to my boobs! But at least we all get some sleep that way.

@mizzles thank you - I am introducing a bedtime story, we started tonight. I'm not likely to be strong enough to do controlled crying, but thank you, I really appreciate you sharing your experience. This sleep thing is tough!!

I only started when I realised she wasn't really taking anything from me for most of the feeds. So on the ones I knew she definitely wasn't I just used to sling her on my shoulder and tap her back like I used to to get her to burp and sleep as a newborn. That was her comfort, other babies I know prefer back rubs or foot tickles.
Then I let her have a feed when I thought she actually needed it during the night once maybe twice, but after she got so used to not feeding for all the others that stopped too and she just slept through.
No one way to do it, but that worked for her in just under a week

OP, I am sorry I should have said - I only do the latch/unlatch thing at the start of naps and first bedtime sleep. For all nighttime wakings I just feed fully to sleep because I can't face the battle. The only other step for bedtime I have introduced is feed to 99% asleep in his room (until he lets me unlatch without a fuss) then bounce him on my shoulder for 2-3 mins then put him down. So his last sleepy memory is not of being on my boob!

We have also moved him into his own room which has made no end of difference. I think part of my problem was rushing to him at the first whimper and him knowing I was so close by. The first night in his own room was hell but last night he slept 7pm-2am!!! He still can't link sleep cycles for naps but certainly can at nighttime now. Good luck! You will get there.