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Original poster

Does your 17yo have a time to be home?

27 replies

Bestseller · 09/12/2018 21:22

He's gone about 15 miles by train to meet friends. Went at 3pm, to be back for 9pm. I've just had a text saying theyre staying out and not to wait up he has a key. Last train is about 11pm

I have no idea why he thinks this ok, we're generally pretty clear about rules (there arent many but theyre clear and one of them is knowing where he is and when he will be back )and he knows not to push it.

However, he's almost 18 and maybe it's not my place to control when he gets in any more? And he did let me know, but it's a school night!

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Original poster
Bestseller · 09/12/2018 22:06

Does no-one want to talk to.me for a bit?!

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 09/12/2018 22:09

That’s a tough one. My youngest is a very late summer born, so if she chooses the Uni route, she’ll leave home very shortly after her 18th birthday.

Minecarent that old yet so I haven’t experienced this but Yiu might get more replies if you post in chat or teenagers Smile

Jazzy25 · 09/12/2018 22:10

But you do know where he is and he’s text you to tell you that he’ll be late home?! To have to be home by 9pm at 17 is a little much I think Confused

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Nicknamesalltaken · 09/12/2018 22:14

I think at 17 they need to make their own decisions. My DS went to a gig in town last night, got back about midnight. I waited up, and he kept in touch.

I think as long as he makes the last train (how does he get back from the station to home?) then that’s fine.

I’d be reading the riot act if he missed the last train though.

LondonLassInTheNorthPole · 09/12/2018 22:17

Are you saying a 17 year old has to be home by 9pm?

I was working full time at 16 in charge of people and customers. Handling thousands of pounds in cash

I left school 3 weeks before that and had to be in at 11pm..

Once i started work, i couldnt really be told what time to come in :)

17 i would say, yes to let you know his safe but not a time to be home, thats a little to much!

PatriciaHolm · 09/12/2018 22:21

So he'll be home by midnight? Fine at nearly 18!! 9 is ridiculously early. And he's met your rules - you know where he is and when he'll be back. No problem.

Original poster
Bestseller · 09/12/2018 22:23

Midnight on a school night? What do you reckon his teachers would say about that?

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bakebakebake · 09/12/2018 22:23

My children are far too young for me tp worry about this yet, plus I'm only 25 myself.. but i actually moved out a few weeks after my 17th birthday.

My mum never really had restrictions on me though, as long as she knew where i was and that i could get home safely.

LondonLassInTheNorthPole · 09/12/2018 22:25

OP... You say "Midnight on a school night? What do you reckon his teachers would say about that?"

Your child, tell him to come home....

PatriciaHolm · 09/12/2018 22:26

Well, assuming he goes to school tomorrow fine and doesn't do it every night, I'm pretty sure they'll say nothing.

Why are you so wound up about it, as a one off?

MintTeaLady · 09/12/2018 22:27

He’s 17 though. His teachers won’t care what time he goes to bed!

JiltedJohnsJulie · 09/12/2018 22:30

I’m sure that at least half of his class will be up to at least midnight, and it’s not every night is it? If they not up, they’ll be on their phones in bed.

Nicknamesalltaken · 09/12/2018 22:31

I don’t think the teachers will have much to say about it at all.

Coronapop · 09/12/2018 22:32

My 17 year old had deadlines, but he never kept to them, switched his phone off. We just kept trying and eventually he grew up (went to uni where we didn't know what he was up to...)

JiltedJohnsJulie · 09/12/2018 22:32

I think if it was my DS I’d be thanking him for letting me know where he was and what time he’d be home.

If you pick him up from the station, would that get him own quicker?

Nousernameforme · 09/12/2018 22:36

At 17 is it not college? I have dd 16 and I have taken the view that now she has left school it's up to her to ensure she gets enough sleep for her day.
She can go out whenever she likes. I do like to know where she is but that's my anxiety talking and I try not to let it get in her way.

BackforGood · 09/12/2018 23:05

That's a bit of an 'it depends' situation.
My 17 yr old (nor her siblings before her at that age, and, indeed, much younger) never had a 'curfew time' - it depends where they are / what they are doing / how they are going to get home.

I don't think being out until midnight (ish) on a Sunday as a regular thing is something to be encouraged, no. However you know where he is, who he is with, when he will be back and how he is getting back, so I wouldn't be cross about that per se, although we'd be having chats about how it isn't sustainable (unless this is the only late night ??).
This stage is about learning to make decisions. Next year (or maybe the following year if a Yr12) they could potentially be living away from home and you'll have no control whatsoever about where they go, or what time they get back. As a parent, you have to help them to get to a stage of making decisions for themselves. That includes letting them make decisions that are different from the choice you want them to make. It is tricky, but hold on to all the positives.

FoxgloveStar · 10/12/2018 00:35

Wow surely this is OTT for a 17 year old! He’s in communication with you and safe right?

At 16 I’d moved away from home to Uni and making all my own decisions about life....

elibee · 10/12/2018 00:56

My parents had a very strict curfew with me and it did no good at all. If I particularly wanted to stay out I just did as I pleased and turned my phone off.

They have an agreement now with my 16 & 18yo sisters that they're allowed out as late as they want but if they're going to be out past 10pm they must let their parents know by 9pm and they have to be up and into school every morning no matter how late they got back.
This works much better for everyone. My sisters are much happier to let their parents know where they are knowing they're not going to get moaned at and although they've stayed out late on school nights a couple of times they learned pretty quickly that it's rarely worth being knackered the next day.

Fabaunt · 10/12/2018 01:26

I was in uni at 17, running riot and partying 4 nights a week. I think you need to relax he let you know where he was

plaidlife · 10/12/2018 01:30

Another person who was at Uni by 17, you are being pretty controlling. Maybe try and work out some compromises with your ds.

Original poster
Bestseller · 10/12/2018 14:23

Thanks all. It's difficult this parenting lark. The next stage keeps creeping up on me without me noticing!

He's a good lad.

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Chewbecca · 10/12/2018 14:27

I think I would thank him for letting you know.

I might mention later that it is a bit late to be out on a school night regularly if the right moment arose.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/12/2018 19:51

Did he get up on time @Bestseller?

Original poster
Bestseller · 10/12/2018 19:57

Yes, he did. And he stripped his bed before school like he does every Monday morning (the one thing i got right with parenting, a game when they're little and never have to deal with teenage sheets Grin ).

I realise I need to let him go but in still not entirely comfortable. Him and a mate were in the a park at the wrong end of town with two15yo girls. Please tell me it's not normal for 15yos to be hanging round parks late into the evening? He was delayed because they took them home which involved quite a walk and then walking back to the station.

I think I must have got something right Smile

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