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DS lizard died on anniversary of Aunt’s death help

7 replies

NinjaTurtleMikey · 09/12/2018 00:40

This sounds an odd one I know. Please bear with me as I’m gonna ramble a bit.

My DS1 is 10yo and 3 years ago we rescued a bearded dragon, who has lived under his mid sleeper for around 2y. We’ve kept reptiles for years so every day he would know to do lizard’s lights and heat, and feed him, it’s been his routine morning and night. Lizard has been getting old. We think he was around 8-9yo but no way of knowing. He stopped eating. I told DS1 to prepare for the eventuality that prehaps “M” (lizard) was ill. He cried, I felt awful. I’ve been caring for this lizard day and night for weeks and the last few days have just been waiting. No specialist vets available. DS1 is with his dad (separated) this weekend and tonight M has sadly passed.

Thing is, this time to the day last year my beloved beautiful great Aunt passed away. Then a few days later my dad’s dog passed too. Both with cancer. I suspect, because of experience, that M had it too but no way of knowing. When my aunt was ill we would go to her to look after her from school and bring her meals etc, DS1 knew she was poorly but nobody knew how much so until the last week.

It’s DS1 first Christmas with a sibling too (DS2 8mo) and although he adores him I know it’s been difficult after a decade as an only child, 6 years of which it was just me and him.

He’ll be back after school on Monday and I can’t bear to break his heart again. It took him 3 years to stop randomly crying when my man died.

I want to get the vivarium gone before he’s back but I don’t know if a dark and empty viv is worse than an empty space under his bed? How can I tell him that his pet has died? Our cat loves him to bits and sleeps on his bed so he has a bit of comfort in that.

Please tell me there’s some magical way of doing this that doesn’t devastate my poor baby?

OP posts:
NinjaTurtleMikey · 09/12/2018 00:42

My nan* not man

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SlowlyShrinking · 09/12/2018 00:47

I don’t think you should eliminate all traces of the lizard while your ds is away. Would you be able to do a funeral for him/her when your ds gets back?

SlowlyShrinking · 09/12/2018 00:48

I personally would say that he was very old for a lizard and had a lovely life and wasn’t in any pain.

NinjaTurtleMikey · 09/12/2018 00:55

That’s what I’m in 2 minds about. It’s a huge 4ft vivarium and I know that DS would go to do the lights out of routine when he wakes up and goes to bed out of routine, then it would remind him and upset him. He’s a beautifully sensitive soul and really does feel deeply. Funeral could be difficult as we don’t even know how we can bury him in our tiny garden. I wimped out with the last pet and said she got lonely when her viv mate died (pre existing issues due to irresponsible breeding) and went to the local reptile shop (which we’ve been to for years) so she’d have friends.

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ChestOfFields · 09/12/2018 00:57

My DDs hamster died when she had just gone 13 (it was my other DDs 21st birthday!)

It was the last day of school and she had made lots of plans with her friends, but she was too upset to go in.

We made a little box for him and buried him in the back garden.

I just went on what my DD wanted to do, and I took her upset seriously.

So, OP, I don't have any wise words, I just hope you find the right words for your son, and I'm so sorry this has happened to your family.

SlowlyShrinking · 09/12/2018 01:02

He’s not going to forget about his pet for a while, whether the vivarium is there or not. He’ll be sad either way, but imo he should have the chance to decide when the equipment gets put away. If everything’s gone it might be harder for him to process, and seem weird to him.

NinjaTurtleMikey · 09/12/2018 09:07

@chestoffields that’s a good idea about following their lead on what to do with M I’ll do that

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