How do you ask/bring up wanting another child with DH

[Jellybabie3]

It may sound like a daft question but I feel really nervous about this. My DS is 14mo and I KNOW i want another baby and would like to start ttc next Easter - Summer if possible. My organised little head means I would want to start taking folic acid in the new year.

My DH isnt against having more than 1 child but we had a very difficult, scary birth so its taken us both time to get over it. DS who we both absolutely ADORE has also had health issues which he has just been signed off for so it finally feels like we can be a 'normal' family. So I am kind of scared of bringing it up at the wrong time....

Any advice??

I think you need to ask how he feels about more children at a point where you are alone and relaxed, with time for the conversation. I would let him know that you are starting to feel broody for another one and want to talk about when is best for you both.

I would just get stuck right in "what's your opinion on another baby?" But that is what would work in my relationship, you know your oh best!

Has he mentioned anything at all about a second?

I know he hasnt ruled it out and he does comment and go all mushy if he sees a baby. My sis is due in the new year so he has commented that I will be broody. Then he will drop a bomb and say comments like today that DS will be in his nursery (box room only good for a little one) for another 3 years....ie wont be moved out by a new addition. I do think theres a chance he will blame my sis and my friend being preg on my need to have another so soon. I just like the idea of a 2 year ish age gap

Just bring it up casually, don't over think..
Say that you would like them to grow together and don't want a massive gap..
How about we just see how it goes..

With us, it was kind of mutual.

Our eldest was about a year old and things with him were settling down after a difficult birth and first few months. When he was newborn both of us were saying never again. Around the same time MIL had a life changing stroke and we spent a lot of time in the hospital with her. The same building where DS was born and it did bring back a lot of memories for DH and I. We talked about it a lot and then both kind of said we'd like to try again. I also think with everything going on with MIL it made us realise life was too short to waste time waiting on the right time.

As it was, we kind of waited until DS was 18 months old and we were on holiday to TTC. MIL is also still with us over 4 years on.

I knew my dh DIDN'T want any more children. He already had some from previous relationships. After breaking down and telling him all I ever wanted was children and how it feels like all of my friends are getting their lives and dreams and it just makes me feel like crap he realised how much having one meant to me.
So we had one, and I knew I wasn't done but he totally was. So when dd was about 1 I just turned around to him while we were brushing our teeth and he was getting into the bath and said I'm not done, I feel like we're not complete and we need another one. I know you don't and it's not fair on you to give in to me wanting one, but that's how I feel. If you're totally totally against it, give me time and I'm sure we can compromise and I'll get over it.
A few weeks later I asked if I should book an appointment for contraception and he said if you want/you can do which I took as 'you don't have to' and now here we are, pregnant again!
Just coming out with it is far easier and not as scary as you might think

My dh felt the same after a traumatic birth and I was happy with a larger age gap so I tried not to mention it too much and now we are expecting again when dd will be 5.

Most normal wonen’s Multivitamins have the right amount of folic acid (400 whatever the units are) so I’d get some of those if you don’t think he’s ready for the chat yet.

My DH had always just wanted one and so did I initially and so that’s what we agreed upon and our stance didn’t change after the birth of our son.

However, after 12 months or so I began to have tiny thought of having another and would make light hearted jokes to DH about it all the time and he always just laughed them off and told me “no way!”

However, as the months passed my tiny thoughts about having another grew into genuine want and then I started to panic because I had no idea how to address it with DH.

My light hearted jokes turned into more serious but still jovial comments and still he laughed them off.

However, when the desire to have another baby really came into force I knew I had to tell him, so I did, and his response was not what I wanted. He told me that nothing had changed, he didn’t want another baby and put an end to the discussion.

However, after a few more months I knew that it wasn’t just a passing fad and the thought of never having another baby was very painful and upsetting to me and so I broached the subject with DH again and after a few weeks of him still being unsure and me telling him important it wasn’t to me he finally agreed to TTC.

You won’t know how he feels until you talk to him about it and if you think you may meet some resistance then the sooner you get the wheels in motion the better!!

Thanks all. I did bring it up with DH as he made another passing comment of 'no chance!' And I calmly said I would like another and ideally not have too large an age gap. After I calmed him down that I didnt mean NOW he seems OK although wasnt particularly responsive when I mentioned ttc easter/summer. Its not helped however that weve had a really tough few days with DS (hes been tired and naughty) so I may need to bring it back up again in the new year. I am going to start taking some vitamins that conveniently contain folic though in case he decides quickly that he wants to ttc and I havent been taking it!