3.5 yr old - horrendous behaviour

[DyingMachine]

Please help - I'm at the end of my tether.

3.5 ye olds behaviour has been getting progressively worse over the past few months. Historically he has always been worse for his Dad, answering back, being really cheeky, talking to him in a horrible tone. His Dad hasn't helped matters by generally being too passive and allowing him to get away with really rude behaviour.

I've always been much firmer, I correct him, punish him when need be, try to set consistent boundaries etc. This has generally worked very well and I felt I had a good handle on things.

However, over the past two weeks his behaviour has escalated big time. Constantly answers back, tells me NO all the time. Huffs and puffs after every sentence, SCREAMING tantrums (never previously done this), throwing things, threatening to hit, smashing doors.

Every day is a battle at the moment, constant conflict, stress, I don't like being around him. I don't know what to do? I put him on the step every time with a clear, firm explanation as to why. He says sorry with a smirk on his face only to do something else after five mins!

We give him lots of praise when he's good, lots of love all the time. Nothing has changed in our lives to trigger this . I'm worried that I'm going to lose it and smack him which I really don't want to do.

Can anyone offer any advice? I think people will say it's a phase but I'm so worried he's not just going to grow out of this

try reading how to talk so little kids will listen. not a magic cure but gives some ideas for de- escalating situations.

I think you need a consequence which is more meaningful to him as it doesn't sound like the naughty step is a deterrent. Decide in advance what your consequence will be and make sure it's something you can follow through on. I have used various consequences but mainly involving screen time and taking away a favourite toy - you need to find what motivates him. Also make sure you are staying very calm as some children find it fun to press your buttons for a reaction.... Easier said than done I know!! Good luck!

my 4yo has become very stroppy and calmly and explicitly describing the behaviour I've just seen that I don't like and modelling the better way has helped a bit. e.g. you stamped your foot and your face went all wrinkled and you had a loud cross voice. we don't need to do that, just say 'please help me with my shoes mummy".

So he just threw a car. I told him if he did it again I would take the whole basket of cars away. He obviously lobbed another one so I followed through and calmly removed them all. He then proceeded to scream at the top of his voice and roll around on the floor
The one positive is that his strops don't last long. He's all chirpy now....

How long should I remove the cars for? (His absolute favourite toy) he's now asking me to play with something else, should I?

Don't continue to punish. You removed the cars. I would give them back in the morning. Now try to find something positive to do with him.
You set a consequence and followed through which is brilliant but now you need to let it go and move on or it will escalate into a downward spiral.

So I said let's do some colouring together, which he's not overly keen on but he did it for five mins. He then found another two cars so we're now playing that - whilst o try to type one handed! I'll remove the others until the morning. I just hope we can make it until bedtime without any more kick offs