I just feel like a shit mum today

[lizzlebizzle33]

I have 2 Ds, they are 2 and 1. Today has been a bad day with them. They have pushed and challenged me at every turn, tantrums, screaming, pulling the Christmas tree down, horrific bathtime!

I hate myself but I absolutely lost my cool, more than once. I actually have a sore throat from shouting at Ds2. He pulled all the clothes out of his drawers and then pulled the drawers out too while I was running a bath.

I hate feeling like this, I love them both so so much, they mean everything to me. I know I'm just tired and have a short fuse at the moment but I can't seem to stop myself from getting mad and I really don't want to.

Ds1 is so sweet, he tells me he loves me, gives me cuddles all the time, how can I get so mad at him?

Ds2 just wants my attention 24/7, I can't leave the room or put him down without him screaming, he's just started walking too and is into everything, he still wakes 3/4 times a night as well, it's killing me.

What's killing me more though is all they want is me, to play and laugh with them and cuddle them and I've shouted at them so much today but they still love me. Children, They're amazing. I don't deserve them.

Oh. We’ve all been there!

You’re human. You’re a mother. You’re doing good. Give yourself a break.

Say you’re sorrry. That’s what I do. If I feel I’ve shouted and hadn’t needed too. Then I actually say. I’m really sorry. Mummy is tired etc. Then cover them in kisses and say lets draw a line. Forget it.

It will all be ok. Hug yourself xx

Chin up mumma, it’s totally normal to feel how you’re feeling! If people tell you otherwise they’re lying, hopefully you get a bit of me time tonight! Read a good book and have a nice bath you’re doing amazingly!

It’s so so hard.

I’ve got 16 week old twins. I just yelled at DD tonight to please stop crying as it’s ALL they’ve done all day!

A shit mum wouldn’t care that she shouted at her kids. The fact we do care means we aren’t shit mums. Give them a cuddle...tomorrow is another day

Me too. Mine are older but were being so bloody horrible earlier I shouted at them all then burst into tears. I apologised to them all afterwards and they are all behaving now but I still feel shitty.

Do not berate yourself, tomorrow is a new day to try again. Xx

Thank you for your kind words, they are both in bed now and I have work early tomorrow I'll be gone before they get up, so I feel guilty about that too. I'm just having a bit of a cry in the kitchen.
I just need to stop losing it but I don't know how.

It makes me so sad when I think I always wanted a big family and lots of kids but if I can't even handle these 2 then we better stop there.

I have 2 Ds, they are 2 and 1

That’s as far as I needed to read. You are not a shit mum, you are tired and human.

Ah mate, we’ve all been there! Do not beat yourself up about it, you sound like you’re doing an awesome job. The only advice I have is - give them lots of attention when they’re being good, take it away when they’re not. So if they’re being little sods, just walk away (as long as they’re safe and not about to pull the Christmas tree on top of them!) Then when/if they come to find you, be normal and happy. Works a charm for us with our DS who’s 2.5.

I understand this feeling. I had a really tough phase and seemed to be losing my temper with DD nearly every day. I needed to recharge my batteries. My parents came to stay and just a week of a bit of extra help and a bit more sleep (as my mum got up with DD in the mornings) and I'm like a different person.

I'm finding looking after my 19m old very challenging. I can only imagine how constant it must be for you. Any chance you could get a break somehow?

💐💐💐 it’s the hardest job in the world, you are doing fine and you are not a shit Mum. As PP
said, tomorrow is another day. Try and take some time for yourself this evening and be kind to yourself!

Don't Beaty ourself up, you're a great mum. We've all been there, I generally have excellent patience with DS (almost 3) and rarely shout, but his behaviour has been so challenging lately and one morning a couple of weeks ago when he wouldn't stop screaming, just to be naughty, I shouted in his face to give him a fright and show him how horrible it is. I regretted it immediately, but I was tired, I'm in my 3rd trimester and had just had enough. We all reach the end of our tether.

Clean slate tomorrow.

Well I managed to tidy up and make a brew and ds2 is up already, I literally do not have the strength or energy (strengthergy🤔) to walk around with him to get him back to sleep so he's sat in living room with me in his sleeping bag watching a movie. Fuck it at least I'm sat down 😂

I don't really have much chance for a break or a rest, DH and I both work around the kids so it's always one of us and 2 of them, we rarely see each other at the moment, it's very hard.

I'm sure/hope it will get a little easier when ds1 goes to nursery.

Hi OP, don’t feel bad , I have a similar age gap and at that age it was a nightmare! Sometime I had to go and stand in another room for a minute to gather myself when they were being particularly difficult, and i also on occasion shouted too much. They are older now and perfectly fine, don't worry

I’ve been there 5 bloomin times!
The one thing that gets me through is telling myself that all bad days come to an end at midnight. Then a new day begins.

I had two boys 15 mths apart and found being prepared was s huge help. Just keep a few tricks hidden, ie bubbles to blow, crazy foam for the bath, lush bath bomb, or pour pasta shapes on the floor and get the 2 year old to hoover them up. (My ds loves this) If I need to cook and ds is being a plum, I give him a bowl and a couple of eggs, but of flour, wooden spoon and let him make a mess in a bowl. He can shake in herbs of bit of sugar. He’ll be mixing for ages. Xx

lizzle it sounds like a very stressful day for you. I’m glad you’ve reached a calm stage and can hopefully sit and reflect.

I read a brilliant thread a few months back about getting to shouty / angry parent stage (not sure if you were angry but that kind of emotion) and one MNer wrote a great list of “tools to use” which she said she reads on her notes on her phone.... I’m going to copy and paste as it may help or not (like I say, you may not get ‘angry’ but I know I’ve reached that phyco mum stage on occasions)

1. Anger is normal and we are responsible for what we choose to do with it.

1. I am capable of 1000 times more harm in one action than anything that is thrown at me

1. Violence sabotages and undoes all the good - it is not ok to discharge in this way

1. Your child is not the cause and is not your enemy

1. There is nothing constructive about expressing our anger to another person - it is not true that unless we express it, it will eat away at us

1. Once calm, look at what made us furious. What is wrong in my life that made me feel so furious? What do we need to do to change that situation

1. We will not find the answers to these questions by acting in anger

1. Show how anger is human and handle it in a mature way

1. 'I am too mad right now to talk about this. I am going to take a timeout and calm down'

10. Model self control This is not love withdrawal

11. Go away to calm down then go back

12. 'This is not an emergency... Kids need love most when they don't seem to deserve it...she's acting out because she needs help with her feelings...this too shall pass'

13. Do not ruin your child's life as the effects are lasting

14. NEVER act while angry

15. Ok to say 'I need to think about what has happened and we will talk about it later'

Planning:
Set limits (where you can) so everyone knows what is expected (harder for the youngest).

Stop - Breathe “elephant” 3 times
Say out loud - 'This isn't an emergency'

Ask yourself, what is my emotion?
Fear?
Sadness?
Disappointment?
Frustration?
It is ok to let these in and feel them

I may be way off but thought I’d share as it helped me a few months back. You’ve got this, tomorrow is a new day