Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Ear piercing

14 replies

confuzzledman · 06/12/2018 19:59

My ex and I have a shared-care court order in place. Our children have just arrived to stay with me and I've just found out my daughter (9) has had her ears pierced.

I'm not referring to whether it is right or wrong for a child to have their ears pierced - I think opinions vary on that, but do people think I should have been consulted on this?

I wonder how her mother would feel if I'd just gone ahead and done this without consulting her - not that I would because I think that is something that should be discussed.

What do people think?

OP posts:
PaulMorel · 07/12/2018 06:21

Without your permission? or consulted you first? for me, she is too young for that thing.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 07/12/2018 06:27

I agree with Paul but for the good of a peaceful co-parenting arrangement I would probably not raise it.

flumpybear · 07/12/2018 06:27

I wouldn't be pleased!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Beauty General parenting
Original poster
confuzzledman · 07/12/2018 07:50

No, I wasn't consulted at all. I had no idea this was going to happen

OP posts:
piscis · 07/12/2018 12:14

I would be pissed off.
It wouldn't be acceptable if you did it, so the same the other way around.

MrsTerryPratcett · 07/12/2018 13:12

I wouldn't like it. However how much would depend a little on circumstances. If she made all the parenting decisions in your DD's life, you left her to it and the break is recent, it's less unreasonable. If you've been broken up years and you do an equal amount of care, buying clothes, organizing play dates, getting DD haircuts and so on, it's really unreasonable.

Biancadelriosback · 07/12/2018 13:26

Are you very hands on?

Icecreamdreams · 07/12/2018 21:21

*If she made all the parenting decisions in your DD's life, you left her to it and the break is recent, it's less unreasonable. If you've been broken up years and you do an equal amount of care, buying clothes, organizing play dates, getting DD haircuts and so on, it's really unreasonable.

Are you very hands on?*

Neither of these questions/comments would of been asked if it was a mum posting Hmm

My ex and I have a shared-care court order in place.

Yes you should have been informed OP, Mum was out of order for not speaking to you about it. I’d be pissed off.

MrsTerryPratcett · 07/12/2018 22:34

Neither of these questions/comments would of been asked if it was a mum posting

No, they wouldn't. And that would be terrible if we lived in a world where men did 50% of the shitwork. We don't though.

Original poster
confuzzledman · 08/12/2018 18:26

Yes, I'm very hands on.

Unfortunately the mother seems to act almost as if they are her possessions. We are heading back to court and I really just wanted general opinion as to whether I'd look petty for bringing this up.

Fortunately, my daughter wanted this and seems to like them. Chances arr I wouldn't have had any issue with it to be honest.

Unfortunately this is by no means an isolated incident and there have been what I consider even worse things too.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 08/12/2018 19:52

the mother?

She may not be acting appropriately and she may be annoying you, but remember she's half of your child. You need to be the better person.

And if you wouldn't have minded either way and your DD is happy, why are you raising it?

rach2713 · 08/12/2018 21:49

I can kinda see where your coming from as my daughter who is 6 wants her ears done and I would more than happy take her but her dad is unsure and I respect what he says as well as its a joint decision and I'm more than happy to wait until he is happy about it..

ElyElyOy · 08/12/2018 23:03

If your daughter was 3 then yes raise it, but at 9 I take it she made her own decision and wanted it doing. Her mother didn’t hold her down or force her. I also take she is responsible enough to “manage” pierced ears.

Would you expect her to consult on her hair being cut?

Original poster
confuzzledman · 10/12/2018 17:43

"And if you wouldn't have minded either way and your DD is happy, why are you raising it?"

That's a fair question. As I've mentioned, there are more worrying things she's done. This is just one of many and unfortunately if you give her an inch, she takes a mile. I just wondered if people thought this was something valid to bring up (among a list of other things) in court statements.

"Would you expect her to consult on her hair being cut?"

Actually, she has tried to control hair cuts and has made the children feel very anxious about having their hair cut when with me. So that's a good example of how she is. No, of course I don't expect to be consulted on hair cuts. However, as hair grows back, and isn't permanent, I don't think this is really a comparable thing anyway.

"but at 9 I take it she made her own decision and wanted it doing"

I've since found out that my daughter was a little nervous and actually asked if she could call me, but her mother said I'd be fine with it...

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread