14 month old tantrums - any tips?!

[bumblenbean]

Hi all, any tips for dealing with tantrums in a one year old??

My DS is 14 months and in general is a joy to be around - he is loving, affectionate and happy and interested in lots of things. He goes to nursery 3 afternoons a week and seems to really enjoy it. He has plenty of stimulation and we go to lots of groups etc. He used to have 2 naps a day but seems to be dropping to one longer one a day. He is up for the day between 7/8am and goes to bed around 8pm (he won’t go earlier unless he’s really tired).

In the last few months however he’s started having what can only be described as mini tantrums (I wrongly assumed he was too young!!). It usually happens when he’s tired and is usually triggered by not being allowed something he wants eg my mobile (which he is obsessed with - he loves looking at my screensaver which is a photo of him laughing, Or just scrolling around the screen), the pack of wipes, remote control etc. He will wail and cry and often if lying down will sort of buck his legs or bury his face in the carpet. He also tends to kick and cry when I’m trying to dress him or change his nappy these days - can be problematic as he is very big and strong for his age!

He can usually be distracted by something else eventually (or by tiring himself out and falling asleep!) but often I ‘give in’ and let him have the offending item (which I know is a bad idea) because I can’t stand him crying so much. It upsets me seeing him so upset (even though I know nothing is really wrong with him) and being an anxious person anyway it makes me really stressed. Another ‘easy solution’ I sometimes resort to is letting him watch nursery rhymes on YouTube which he loves, but I don’t want him to have too much ‘screen time’ so young

He sometimes has similar episodes when put to bed at night and these really ramp up my anxiety as I start panicking that none of us are going to get any sleep, he will disturb the neighbours etc etc. He is usually quite a good sleeper once he’s gone off, but every now and then will have a really bad episode and the unpredictably stresses me out too.

Last night he was very tired but would just not go to sleep. We comforted him and then tried some controlled crying but he was crying so much that he worked himself into hysterics and was coughing and gagging because he was crying so hard. I found it really hard to listen to and so ended up getting him up again. Half an hour or so later he was finally calm enough to go to sleep with only a bit of grumbling.

Does anyone have any tips on the best way to deal with this? Is it just part of life at this age? I worry about what tantrums will be like when he’s older if he’s already having them now!

Thank you!

Yes no one told me tantrums can start this early either. With my LO, 16months all i can do is distract her when I see her kicking off- usually with a game of peekaboo. Usually starts when I wont let her have my house keys, last time she scratched them across my laminate.
Regarding the tantrums at bed time, these we dont have, how long is he napping in the day? He sounds overtired.

also talk through everything, they understand so much! reassure if you're doing something they're not enjoying.

and it's never to soon to have a no mean no policy so no backing down if they tantrum.

Oh bless him, he's still a baby
My best tip is to remember that a tantrum is just a child being overwhelmed with big emotions and your job is not to stop the tantrum, or fix it, but help your child deal with the emotion as best they can - while still maintaining the boundaries enforcement that may have caused the tantrum.
The more they practice dealing with eg anger, in a safe way with you there to comfort and soothe if required, the shorter they will become.
Distraction does work in emergencies, but long term won't help them learn to deal with it.

Mine started his tantrums at about 11 months :(

While he was younger we ignored him and tried to make sure we never gave him whatever he was after.

As he's gotten older, we usually ignore the initial screaming and then we pick him up, have a cuddle & explain why he can't have/do whatever it was.

As pp said, talking through absolutely everything has helped so he knows what is happening eg... 'OK Duggee is going off after this episode and we're going in the car so you need to get your jacket & shoes'

The tantrums are getting shorter but I do think you need to be consistent so that he starts to understand why we're asking him to do/not do certain things...otherwise he'll learn that if he cries enough you'll give in. They're smart little things!

Thank you all for your helpful replies!

You’re right that he’s still so little, so I feel bad getting cross with him because he doesn’t really understand- but it’s so testing when he is just screaming and not listening!

With regard to the helping him deal with the emotions causing the tantrum, what do you reckon is the best way to do that? Often I try to just cuddle and soothe him which occasionally works but he sometimes just gets more and more wound up and bucks and kicks. Argh!!

Yeah cuddles don't work here until they are ready.
Acknowledging and naming the emotion is good. "Wow, that's an angry face, I bet you're very angry" "I bet you're angry about xxxx" etc
Tell them it's ok to be angry/upset whatever - because it is. They are allowed to feel emotions, it's just what they do with it is important.
Then what I do is stay near, preferably on their level, and just say they can have a hug if they need, or just wait over here until ready etc...
Obviously if it's unsafe or you can't wait, then you have to do the toddler hoik under the arm and march to somewhere you can deal with it!

Oh and they literally cannot hear you mid tantrum. Do n even try to reason or explain! No point

Haha very true ABit!

I also think part of the problem is that because he’s not talking properly yet he probably doesn’t understand much of what I say, so i might as well be speaking Russian to him!

Still, I will persevere! Thanks for your help

We had a really, bad tantrummy phase about that age, then she started speaking a few words and walking a lot more and it really eased off for a while. Now she is two, and she has started tantrumming more again, but they are very different. In some ways it is harder because she is bigger and stronger and has much more stamina. But it is easier to head them off to, because she understands much more if I offer alternatives and I can communicate much what is going on.

So just some reassurance it won't necessarily continue non stop until she eventually gets through the terrible twos! And it probably will get easier to get coping techniques as she gains understanding.

I just laugh and joke with my baby 13 months when he starts his tantrums not the best lol i give my partner the look when he gives him a row but i know he needs to learn i have to hide and laugh when he does something naughty as he makes this silly little face like chucky and laughs lol i tell him no obv though xx