2 year old & newborn!

[humawOo]

Hi ladies. Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with the change of behaviour in a 2.5 year old when having just had a newborn? My toddler is increasingly getting angrier and violent. He has started throwing things and slapping me when I try to get him to do simple things like eat or sleep. His behaviour is really affecting me and has me distancing myself from him because he's so horrible to be around. I've tried getting him involved with the new baby but it just doesn't seem to be working. Any advice would be appreciated😭 I just want my little boy back x

Have you looked at hand in hand parenting or aha parenting, they have some nice gentle techniques.

My ds1 was like this when Ds2 was born, it's really hard but also over sooner than you think.
It helped for us to make sure the older child gets special time and things for them, and even though my phone was pretty tempting, I'd use breastfeeding time to snuggle up together (often with a biscuit) and read special books that 'the baby had given us' for feeding time. I'd also do a lot of baby interpreting (eg when the baby does a random hand movement 'oh look he's copying you!' or when he smiled 'oh you make him so happy')

Can't promise it all works, bit they get on well now and I had far fewer problems when DS3 and 4 arrived. Make sure you get some time to yourself too, this is SO much easier to deal with when you are well rested and not totally touched out!

Aww sorry your going through this!
I was so worried when I gave birth to my second, DS1 has been attached to me since birth..when he came to hospital to meet DS2 for the first time, I explained to him that the baby was coming home..the response was he would prefer it if I never came home if it meant the baby had to..I couldn't believe he was willing to get rid of me so fast 😂
I don't think DS1 touched DS2 at all for about three months!

People might not agree with me and say I'm a dreadful person but one thing I done is when DS2 cried for a feed etc, I would say to DS1 'Oh the baby is being naughty again crying, your such a good boy aren't you for mummy. You don't cry, you're never naughty!'
I then use to explain 'it's because he is so little though, let's see if we can make him a good boy like you, shall we feed him?'

He lapped it up..children love love love praise! He then would help and want to get the bottle, or bib..something to help. I tell him constantly how helpful he is for mummy and DS2. He is very proud of himself, and now loves DS2 very much

I agree with praise but wouldn't call a baby naughty - it seems like already casting the child (even in their mind) as being 'good' or 'naughty'.

There are some good books out there too. For a really angry child the book 'Stupid Baby' can help deal with some emotions, though I wouldn't use it unless they're already pretty upset as it's quite a big way to refer to the baby. The 'you and me' series are easy to understand and great at fuelling some discussions about different situations with a new sibling. There's also one I can't remember the name of where the child wants to swap the baby and so exchanges it for an alligator etc before deciding to keep the baby child after all.

It's very hard to explain in message form, sounds harsh just written down like that sorry! But in the real world its really not..my neighbour gave me lots of helpful advice in the later stages of my second pregnancy on how to get DS1 to love DS2, as she had had absolute hell when having her second..
There's other subtle things I did also like make sure I read books, watched a film etc with DS1 uninterrupted. Then after a month or so I would tell DS1 i needed to check on DS2 etc..so he knows that mummy does still have a lot of special time with him, but he has got to learn that time will be spilt now between the two of them..
Also if DS1 was showing me a toy or something on the telly etc..I would say 'wow thats amazing, look your brother likes that aswell..he likes all the same things as you!' 'When the baby gets bigger, he will want to play with you won't he! How exciting!'
It's just about including your newborn in conversations, activities etc..with your first born still feeling special xx

My DD was 20months old when DS was born. Her behavior also took a negative turn, hitting, increased tantrums etc. The thing that helped us was ensuring she always had some 1:1 time with me each day. By default her Dad had been doing most of her parenting as I had a newborn attached to my breasts 24/7. When I started handing baby to Dad and actively taking half an hour even to go on the swing, draw a picture or just chat, things improved so much. Also "baby interpreting" as a previous poster mentioned. "Oh your brothers smiling at you" "he likes it when you show him books etc etc .
Hope that helps.

Thank you sooo much for posting this!!! I'm in the exact same boat and have felt like I'm sinking!!! Great to read the advice. It's so much harder than I anticipated and I love 1-1 time with both of them but have been increasingly dreading (and hating) having them both together due to my toddlers behaviour. So I guess my post is to say you're not alone!

I had exactly the same age gap and the first 3 months were hard. The toddler would try and hit and throw things at the baby and hated me feeding him. Now they get on well and toddler loves being with him. I think things improved when baby became more interactive.

Thank you all so much for the advice !!I'm so glad I'm not the only one who is going through this, I honestly started thinking something was wrong with my parenting. Will be taking everyone's advice into action xx