What can we do

[Tatiebee97]

So a bit of background on this subject. My partner has a beautiful baby girl with his ex. Now he is a full time carer for his father who need round the clock care.

This woman took it upon her self to move out of the flat they was in to move to her sisters, so the baby could have a better up bringing (I don't blame her if I'm honest). My partner understood why she wanted to move out but at the time she was 8 months pregs. After 2 weeks at her sisters, her sister told my partner to leave. So with out no argument he left and told his baby mom he'll call her later as he has bad ADHD so he has to calm down. After her sister kicked him out their was 4 year relationship completely broke down. She refused to allow him to be at the birth, she refused him to see her. All because he's 'violent'. I'll tell you all straight from the bottom of my heart he may have anger problems no once has he took it out on me nor lashed out.

The baby was born and she refused to put him on birth cert.... he fought with her. She told him he had to meet her once a week for an hour so he could see his daughter. He was always early when I mean early 2 hours early. He never missed a day. But every time bar 3 times she came up with excuses.

This is where I come in.... me and my partners at the time who I may put was really abusive split up and went out separate was. Me and the dad started talking clicked, time went on and we got together.

My ex partner started to stir and lied to baby mom about baby dad now she refused any contact.

She messaged me out the blue to tell me that my partner her baby dad was calling her a bad mom... now he doesn't even talk to anyone about his problems except me or his dad, I had to check for myself if he had but I couldn't find nothing.

I ended up getting my ex arrested as he was harassing me and sending threatening messaging. To then find out that both my ex and baby mom was putting death threats all over social media.....

My partner has nothing to do with his baby girl or the baby mom can't even get in contact she just blocks him. He want to see his daughter he wants right in his daughters life before it's too late.

What would you do in this situation? What advice do you have. Im at wits end nearly every night my partner breaks down because his head doesn't understand what he did that was so wrong.

Your partner needs to make sure he’s paying maintenance and he needs to see a solicitor to formalise contact. If it’s ordered by the court, and she doesn’t keep her end of the deal, then the courts can sort it out. You probably also need to stay out of it though since there’s been enough drama involving you and your ex and that is negatively affecting the whole situation. If he’s serious about being in his baby’s life, he needs to take the initiative and get it sorted.

Make sure you take it slow with this relationship. It all sounds a bit of a mess. Honestly if I was your mother I'd tell you to run like the wind from this and find someone less complicated.

He needs to pay maintenance and get himself organised. It probably isn't the time for him to focus on his love life. Is he getting help for his "anger problems" or support for his father?

Of course a women has a right to choose who she lives with and who is at her birth. Having an ex with anger issues at the birth would slow down labour and be deprimental to her and her baby’s health.

Twice you mentioned anger problems - I see why she wanted to end the relationship.

You said he was early. What he turning up at her home early it was it a public places? Public places is fine but someone’s home is not.

And death threats or such issues need to dealt with by the police. Do not engage with slagging matches on social media.

As with all these posts it is always the new girl friend asking for advice trying to sort access and not the Dad. I think this is very telling. He has made time for a new relationship but have not been to CAB or some where else to support his relationship with his child.

He, not you, needs to seek legal advice and he needs help with his ‘anger problem’.

Its not your problem and I suspect she knows a lot more about him after a 4 year relationship than you do after a couple of months. Having anger issues isn’t acceptable around the baby. This family unit is none of your business, don’t get involved. You and your ex have contributed enough drama to this child’s family already.

He needs to get his sh1t together like a big boy, pay for his child and go down the proper avenues via family court for legal access.