Who would be responsible for your children if they were to become orphans ?

[OhComeOnRon]

I'm due with my second, and neither me nor DH currently have a will. I am curious as to who people have named in their will to take on your children - and how you went about approaching them?

I have one sister - she is younger than me (26) and is not currently married (though in a long term relationship that is heading that way) and they don't have children.

Then the other option would be my parents (I imagine they would be the default if this was to happen without a will in place)

I'm trying to think of what would be best for my children, but obviously also the adults involved. I know no one wants to be in that situation so it would never be ideal no matter who it was, but wondering what others thoughts are?

There isn't a sole on DH's side I would trust with my kids so there's that haha.

As a 26 year old childless auntie would you want to take the responsibility on - would you feel backed into a corner if asked? Would you feel comfortable asking your parents (both currently in their 50s)

I know it's ridiculous but this is the reason we haven't made a will yet. We just can't think of anyone who can have the children if something were to happen to both of us. I'm not sure there's much point in doing a will if we have nothing to write in that part.

Would be too tiring for any of the grandparents. I have 1 married sibling with kids who would be great, but they live 5000 miles away, so not fair to uproot kids from everything they know when their parents have just died. DH has 1 sibling but honestly their parenting style is just so so different to ours and their own children can be quite 'challenging' at times, I really don't think they could cope with 3 more.

We have another relative who is retired and would be lovely but it's not fair to ask such a big thing of them, their children are in their mid-late 20s and they have done their bit childrearing.

We also have a friend with similar aged children who would do it at the drop of a hat and be great but one of the parents (our age) has a terminal illness, might well still be around in 20 years, here's hoping but equally, might not survive the next 2.

There's just no-one.

@MiriAmmerman

If you die without a will then any children would automatically be taken into care, at least until things are decided. You need to make a will!
I chose my DPs, with my DB.
Making a simple will cost me 200 pounds.

DSIS and DBIL. It's all discussed, finances are clear and it's in our wills. It's also agreed in reverse. Hopefully will never happen but if it does they are the people we trust to bring her up as close as possible to the way we would. And would ensure that DD still got plenty of time with DHs family who love her dearly.

Dsis &Bil are first choice, best friends are second. Both were asked via text and were honoured to be asked! Is written into our wills.

I am a 25year old childless auntie and I am named as my nephews guardian if the worst were to happen to my sister and my brother in law.
I’d take him in in a heartbeat, my sister and her husband have life insurance which would cover some of the practicalities but even if it was a struggle for me I’d have him no questions asked.

Orlando, If there's no one we can name in a will to look after then, they will go in to care anyway. So would it make any difference if we did a will or not?

You name guardians in your will. That doesn't mean the kids have to live with them but that they are the ones who would decide (provided that if they don't think it should be them the person they choose agrees!) That means that whilst best to choose as guardians the people best suited to bringing them up, if their circumstances change then there is a potential get out.

We have my SIL and her DH as guardians but DSis and SIL as trustees for the kids inheritances. Choice was because whilst I would have preferred DSis, we don't agree with her DH's parenting style. By putting her as trustee it would ensure SIL couldn't exclude her from DC's lives.

We have my parents at the moment but that may change over the years as everyone gets older. And then obvs the estate will be in trust for the children until they are 23.

I would highly advise having a will as everything takes longer and is harder to settle without one and also the taxman takes more if no will I’m sure.

We chose my Mum as guardian, as in the immediate aftermath of DH and I both dying ( God forbid) the kids are closest to her and would get the most comfort from her.

In the longer term though, we empower her as guardian to make good decisions as to who they should live with, be that my brother or DH's DSis, if they agreed of course.

Guardianship means that they make the decisions, not necessarily raise the children themselves.

What happens if you are not with children's father? So I die, I would name their father as the person I want them to live with, but leave my brother as nominated gaurdian if we were both dead (me and ex) he has named someone else in his will. Does it come down to who died last?

It was previously my BIL but he sadly passed away a few years ago. Now, my spouse and my wills have my SIL as guardian being in charge of managing any finances for them until adulthood and will decide on the who will care for them but will not be the taking them on herself.

Our wishes would be for them to remain in the home with the third adult who lives here, but life changes fast and we wanted someone whose judgment we trusted to organize and keep an eye on things even if she cannot care for them herself. That was the advice we were given when we did our wills and we keep an updated 'wishes and important information' with our wills even if they really binding for those left behind if the worst were to happen.

First of all, remember the odds of this happening - and happening in the next couple of years before your sister possibly starts her own family are incredibly tiny. It is good to think about it and put something in place, but you aren't really backing her in to a corner at all.

What we did, was (with their permission) put in our will that my brother and dh's sister were to decide together at the time, what would be best all round. dh's sister wasn't married and had no dc (but was early in the relationship with her now dh) at the time, like your sister, and my brother did have a ds similar age to my dc but lived in a different City. We figured we didn't want to be changing the will every year as circumstances changed, so, by leaving them to make the judgement call at the time, they could suit the circumstances should they ever occur. They are both incredibly sensible, and generous people with their heads screwed on, who would do whatever it takes to support our dc through what would clearly be a traumatic time. We had complete faith that they would do the right thing if ever needed.

Generally speaking I don't think parents are the right people - mainly because they are a generation older and would struggle to start parenting little people again, 30 years on, but also, because - should the worst ever happen - then the dc could really do with retaining the Grandparent relationship, as grandparents, as well as those stepping in to the parenting role.