wee accidents in 4y olds - can i stop them and how?

[exrebel]

Hi,

my 4 years old dd keeps having accidents at home and at nursery or when out and about.

It is becasue she can't be bothered to go the toilet because she is 'busy' doing something else. She holds her wee for so long and then it is too late and she wets herself or she has wet her knickers by the time she gets to the toilet.

If catch her crossing her legs or 'dancing', I have to make her go.

At times, when I ask directly if she needs to go, she tells me a forceful no only to find a couple of minutes later that in fact she needed to go and she had been holding it and it is too late.

What annoys me is that she is able to go get to the toilet in time most of the time but I think that there are far too many instances of holding her wee for far too long just so that she can continue with playing/tv and so on.

I have tried ignoring it, explaining to her calmly that she need to go sooner, and telling her off. She understands that she is holding it for too long and say sorry but she does it again.

Am I making a big fuss about nothing? or am I tacking this the wrong way?

She starts reception in September and I am worry that this is going to be a problem.
I have bee telling her that she will not be allowed to go if she does not learn to go to the toilet in time. Maybe threats are not the right way to go but the gentle approach has not worked.

How to school deal with wee accidents in reception? do they change them like they do in pre-school/nursery?

bump

OK, first of all, don't fret about Reception: the teachers will deal with accidents (will have spare clothes etc) - and won't make a big fuss.

Second, this is so, so common. Once they realise they can hold it in - and don't have to go the instant their bladder is full - they can overestimate how long they can hold it for or simply forget about it altogether.

If she's 4, I'd go for the bribing/rewards option. No comments at all at wet pants (however much you'd like to) but chocolate/stickers/whatever for each day or half day with dry pants.

It is just a phase. Honest.

i second the just a phase thing.

i used stickers and bribery; also kept asking him when he needed a wee.if they say no, after a while, take them anyway.

it does stop, i promise!

don't worry about school, it won't happen by then!

try maybe going back to toilet training basics-keep asking her, use a chart (smiths do them)and bribery.

porpoise

than you for taking the time to write!!!!! just perfect advice. I am so grateful

It is so depressing when you know they can do it, but they just won't go soon enough!

DD is doing this in Yr 1 - started last term and we are now down to 1 or 2 accidents a week. They only happen at school and as far as I can make out it seems to mostly be during afternoon playtime. If she doesn't go before she goes outside and then she has fun and gets carried way laughing/playing then it's too late to get in. If I had a pound for every morning I have dropped her off and said 'don't forget to go to the toilet today will you...'!!

Her teacher is being quite helpful - she is reminding her, and reminding DD to remind her to remind her(!) and every time they remind each other they put a dot of pen on each others hands - that way I can see that she is being reminded and DD likes the pen game so it is working most of the time.

I have tried bribery/ignoring/being cross and it has made no difference whatsoever. Hope your DD gets herself sorted soon.

I am relieved to know that schools are willing to deal with this.

and yes I do say to her when I drop het at nursery: Remember to go the toilet in time!!!!

glad to be of help
And why are you an EX-rebel? Sounds a shame...

oh well, I am ex-rebel because I used to be an anarcho-punk and conducted an alternative/lefty lifestyle until my early thirties. Then got an MA and been working in the city for the past 8 years!

I am still the same at heart but needeed the money. I am looking for a way out and a middle ground job. I don't fit in.

wow I kept my life story in a nutshell!

this worked with my 3 year old who was capapbel of being dry but couldnt be botehred

1. praise praise praise for GOING to the loo before too late.... if she needed to go games were paued, tv was paused (sky+) or whatever so she wouldnt miss out...

If she had an accident:

1)What ever she was doing she had to stop immediatly (no im just doing....)

2)she had to go to the toilet and sit on the toilet to finish her wee...

3)she had to remove her wet clothes herself (no halp at all)

4)she had to take clothes and put them in wash basket her herself

5)she went up to her room where new clothes were chose FOR Her (by me or mummy)... alwyas her most plain and boring knickers (ideally plain white).... and her clothes that were NOT top of her fav list at the time.... (in the morning she could choose her prettiest knickers and skirts etc.... then after that it was what WE chose)

6)she has to put these clothes on herself (she COULD do it but found it hard but had to persevere)

7. she had to go back into the toilet to wash her hands

All of the above with no / minimul communcition.... simple instructions such as "put these in wash basket" / "here are your clean clothes to put on" etc

within less than a week the accidents stopped... It was much more hassel for her to have an accident than to go the loo... she also ended up missing out on what she was doing.

Cery soon she relaised it was quicker and easier and more fun to go the loo then to not bother

In have just checked this thread and found some more useful advice. I am taking everything on board. thank you again.