Dreading the nights

[Newmum0987]

I have a 10 day old baby and my OH is back at work tomorrow. Due to his work and health and safety I really do not want him to get up in the night to help with baby, mostly because I have a constant fear of him dying in a car crash or accident at work and him being sleep deprived will make that worse for me. I also feel that if I am home all day I can nap whereas he's at work and can't rest so it's a bit unfair to ask him to help at night.

Any tips on getting through the night when baby won't settle? Sometimes he is ok in his Moses basket but most nights ends up in our bed because he sleeps for up to 3 hours a time and winges if we try to put him back in the basket! I feel terrible everytime he comes in our bed as I know the risks, but honestly he and we sleep sooo much better when he does. I know it's far too early for a bedtime routine so I am just dreading it so much. I cant function on a couple hours sleep!!

Thank you

I bedshared with both of mine and it worked really well for us. Done following the safe guidelines, it's no more dangerous than a cot.

Guidelines here and this is a really interesting article about the reality of the risks.

Absolutely agree with PPs! I hated the idea of bed sharing and had huge anxieties around what it may cause. Because my DD woke every hour for a feed (formula fed!) we ended up with me lying the normal way in the bed and DD with her feet to my chest and head pointing towards to side of the bed, kind of making an L shape (I hope that makes sense). I was too paranoid of making her roll down onto/under me to have her directly next to me. I also kicked DH out as he drove for his job so I was also concerned about that.

Anyway, it was the best thing we did. She still woke but not as much and she was the best sleeper when we moved her into her not. Not so much now due to her 10 month sleep regression but that's a different matter!

You have to do whatever is best for you and just remember, you cannot spoil a baby!!

Good look and I hope you all get the rest that you need

Aww well done OP! We were both adamant we wouldn’t bed share but dd was in bed with me from literally day 1 (dh in spare room) as it was the only way she’d settle and I was so desperate for sleep. I do understand totally about your DH and I would be stressing if in a similar position, it does sound like risky work so can see why he’s need to be well rested. Do make sure if you are having a particularly awful night that you get some help from him, even if it’s not every night. The early days are brutal but once dd started smiling it was all worth it. We’d have a hideous night and in the morning I’d wake up to this beautiful, beaming face. Keep going, you’re doing great!

@BertieBotts are you serious?! I thought it was just 2 hours after being made in general. Oh now much forumula I've wasted over the last 10 months!! 🤦‍♀️

Aww amazing guys thank you all so much you really have put my mind at ease !! I think more people co-sleep than I thought ?! I thought it was some terrible thing that no one did and I was a terrible mother for letting it happen. It is so much more loving and caring having him with me 24/7, and I'm savouring every moment before he turns into a grumpy teen who doesn't want mummy cuddles anymore! thank you all so much xx

I used to swaddle my dd and after I’d fed her she’d still be nice and warm and I’d put her back in her Moses basket with my hand draped over her as she lived company. Something no one told me - unless baby has pood you don’t need to change nappies in the night. They’ll last until morning. I remember those days, but lovely and hard.

I never mindfully co shared but I learnt how to bf lying down and I frequently used to wake up after having fallen asleep feeding her (she was an ace at dream feeds). I’d then gently move her back to her Moses basket. Same for during the day with her naps. Honestly, happy rested mum happy rested baby..... so as long as you don’t smoke or drink etc then personally I’d probably co-chair

I bf and bedshared at some point during most nights until DD was around 7 months and started getting too wriggly! It worked for us; dh was in the spare room as I didn't want him being exhausted for work when baby was up 3 or 4 x a night. Follow the safety guidance; no alcohol, no duvet etc and you're as safe as you can be. Bedsharing was the only way we would be able to get any decent amount of sleep!

We bed share on occasions. Husband gets kicked out to the spare room and we have the big bed all to ourselves! I'd recommend you invest in some fleecy PJ's though as it's getting cold and you shouldn't have the duvet up.

Bedsharing is fine when done safely. We’ve slept with both of ours and it’s much easier and we get much more sleep.

That said, you need to get over your anxiety about your dh. He’s going to need to do some nighttime parenting or you will eventually crack and you’ll be the one at risk of harm to yourself or baby from being too tired. There’s no reason he can’t function fine on 5-6 hours of sleep. With both of ours, my dh stayed up with them until 12-1am when they were little, brought them to me for feeds, and I slept, then we switched. It meant he still got a solid 5-6 hours and I got about the same though not in one solid block. It meant the early weeks were much more manageable and it meant they developed a lovely bond from all that early one on one time.

My tip is to go to bed early and leave baby in living room with dh. He does not need to go to bed too early as will have straight through sleep. You will sleep soundly as you are not responsible for baby and so not listening out. Then dh brings him to you when he is ready for a feed or gives it himself, settles him and pops into bed. Then you are on duty but at least you have some uninterupted sleep.