Is this just parenting, or is there something wrong with me?

[SaltK]

Long story short: I can't switch off from my 6 month old breastfed baby.

We waited a long time and had 5 miscarriages before I had him. I was anxious all pregnancy. Horrible birth, but baby was fine. Since having him I've become less and less able to switch off, even when recently other people have been able to take him away. My mind goes round and round about weaning, trying to get him on the bottle (refused so far, feel very trapped), sleep (terrible), etc. I have a constant headache, feel sick, dizzy spells, exhausted, even if he has a good night. Feel on edge all the time. Can't sleep even though I'm knackered. Can't really focus do anything that's not related the baby except mindless TV. Lots of looking at forums in my phone about sleep/bottle etc.

Is this just parenting, and should I just pull myself together and get on with it? I know people say once they are born you never stop worrying. But I didn't think it would be like this. I feel awful having any negative emotions around the baby after wanting him so badly for so long.

Any other parents feel like this?

There’s nothing wrong with you but it doesn’t have to be like this. Being a new parent is overwhelming. Even when he has a good night you are probably still exhausted from the precious 10 nights. It also sounds like you may be suffering from a touch of PND, which is manifesting itself in your anxiety and physical issues. I would suggest your GP as the first port of call, and then hopefully some counseling and if indicated medication. You will not be the first mum to go to the GP about this. He or she will have seen this many times before and know where to point you for more help.

It DOES get better I promise. Your life will never be the same but it will be great and will feel happy and energetic again. Hang in there

OP, you sound a lot like me. 7 years on, I realise I DEFINITELY had a bit of PND. And it took a long time to recover. I think GP is useful, exploring counselling in particular as an option (as pp said). I'd also give you the single piece of advice that a friend, who I have always admired massively, gave me: focus on just one thing at a time. You can't sort weening, and sleeping and sleep issues all at once. So prioritise one at a time and let the others go.

That might not be good advice for other people. But for me, who was in this crazy spiral of worrying and agonising about everything, it was life changing. It allowed me to realise I could cut myself some slack and that if weening happened slower or the baby's food variety wasn't what the internet told me it should be, but he was drinking his milk and stopped with the constipation, I could let all that go.

Thanks you so much for your replies. I was worried that people might say it sounds like PND. I feel so ashamed of myself - before I had him I was so desperate to have a baby, and I used to think of I could just have him I'd be so happy. And I do love him so much and am so grateful for him. It makes me feel terrible to have these negative feelings. Thank you both for the advice, though. I guess I should speak to the GP

You’ve absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, op. Being a parent can hit you like a train wreck, even when it’s something you longed for. Possibly especially when it’s something you longed for, as you’ve built it up so much in your mind.
I was the exact same as you (had ivf) and i really suffered for a few months after giving birth with negative thoughts. You’ll come out the other end eventually, but do go speak to your gp if you think that might help. You’ve done nothing wrong, though, so don’t feel bad. It’s just really hard at the start, is all. It does get better, though, I promise.

Nothing to be ashamed of. Do you get any time to yourself? Can you get out to a regular class or activity to have some me time?

Don't feel ashamed OP. Sleep deprivation makes everything harder and will affect how you feel about all sorts of things. I think I felt completely bonkers when DD was 6 months old! Things got much better as sleep gradually improved. Yes, some worrying is naturally part of being a parent, but it does sound like you're going through a bad patch. Try to remember, this too will pass! You will come out of the other side of this, so the important thing is to look after yourself in the meantime. Do you have family support to give you a little bit of a break? Full time parenting is exhausting. As others have said, some find speaking to their GP helpful. I found support groups at the local sure start centre quite useful, there was a weekly breastfeeding support group that was a Godsend to me. I couldn't cope being stuck at home all day so any excuse to get out helped!
Don't feel bad. A lot of us have been here.