Alcoholic Mum

[Horsesforcourses23]

Please can I get some advice, however I think I already know the answer and I just need to man up.

I will do this is as simple as I can, but there is a whole convoluted history but it would take forever so I think for sake of everyone I will write as simply as possible.

1. My sister is an alcoholic.
2. She has a little boy who is primary school age.
3. She has done 1 rehab and 1 detox over the last 3 years.
4. Say's she wants to quit but falls off the wagon.
5. She is an abusive drunk, nothing short of plain evil. Not physical but certainly verbally.
6. Social workers and school have been involved however they always drop off when she goes to rehab / detox / makes effort to attend sober meetings / engages with services.
7. She know's exactly what to say to them to get them off her back.
8. My nephew never say's anything to her detriment to school because he thinks he would be "a grass" (her words)

Ultimately I have tried everything I can possibly think of to support her, help her. My nephew has lived with me and we kind of have a shared parenting thing going on currently so he stays with me a few nights a week(end).

I know she is drinking again although trying to hide it, she is verbally abusive to my nephew and I actually do not know what to do. I have called Social Services before and they contacted the school who have said they think he is fine.

He is driven to school by another mum, I pick him up 3 nights and she is meant to pick him up the other 2 but I have been told more often than not she fails in this respect and the other mum collects him for her. He is never hungry and I think he is totally used to her and her behaviour by now but that's really not the point.

I am at my witts end as to what to do, I dropped him off earlier and honestly my heart broke for him as she was in a foul mood you could tell. The poor kid always looks heart broken when I tell him he is going home.

I really do not know what to do, short of calling social services again but they did not help at all last time :-(

What a wonderful sister / aunt you are. No advice sorry, only to keep on doing what you are doing. If your nephew is well looked after and not at risk, social services will leave them alone. It’s not a crime to be an arsehole. Unfortunately.

He’s lucky to have you xxx

Thank you for your lovely message. I just feel awful and wish there was something more I could do for him, or say to him. I just keep thinking he will think I am dropping him off there and leaving him and I've not got his back. I just feel so so sorry for him

Call social services and speak to the school. They have a duty of care. Best of luck you’re in a tough situation

That is an awful situation for your nephew, would your sister not agree to you having him for a long period like a couple of months?
Short of that...kidnap him ...what would she do if you just kept picking him up, would she fight to have him back ?

Thank you for my messages, @Fabaunt I have done this before no one seems to do anything on account he is fed basically it seems to be the only requirement. The only time they ever looked like they really were going to start doing something serious was because of a DV incident. @Tigger001 I wish she would do this but she uses him as a weapon and a way of getting what she wants. Believe me I have seriously considered getting him to my house and then refusing to take him back but I was advised by a solicitor I would have no legal standing and the police could well do me for kidnap. I honestly do not know if she would fight to have him back, I doubt it, but then he's kind of her meal ticket so maybe.

I am just so sad about it, I barely slept last night thinking about it all

Don't leave him with her. The things they see behind closer doors is horrendous.

My dp is the child of an alcoholic not taken away from her until early teens and is still dealing with his upbringing in his 30s. Awful awful start to life and they consider it normal. Its far from it.

Thankyou @rarfy that's exactly how I feel, its awful and he shouldn't have to deal with this regardless as to how "resilient" children can be!

I just don't know what to do bar calling social services again but they don't seem to do anything to help.

Does he have a father involved? Could you raise it with them? If not school, GP or social worker.

It would be good to have a log of anything going on however big or small it is.

@rarfy thanks, I have kept a log of everything over the last few years and no his father is not around, he never has been and similarly he was also an addict the last I knew

That's good. I would probably go back to social services and raise any concerns with them again.