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Original poster

I'm so fed up can anyone help?

13 replies

GemWigley2318 · 26/11/2018 05:15

As I type this it's 10 past 5 and I've only just gone to bed. We have a 10 month old son who has been teething off and on for a long time now. He has somehow gotten into the habit of staying up till 3ish in the morning no matter what we do or try, and then doesn't get up till way past lunch time. I can't remember the last time me and my husband went to bed before 3 o'clock. Now he's not teething it seems my husband has gotten fond of the late nights, and decides it is ok for our son to do this every night go to bed early hours of morning, wake up in afternoon. What can I do guys when we try to discuss a routine it leads to arguments just like tonight x

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Original poster

GemWigley2318 · 26/11/2018 05:17

Trying to tell him that he needs to wake up early so he can start going to bed earlier is responded by that won't work it's a ridiculous idea because our son won't have it he says

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Bamchicabaawaa · 26/11/2018 05:20

Get baby up at 8? Or as early as you can muster today. Do very short naps, wake up Dc from naps. Put to bed early
They will be tired and grumpy today but you can ride it out
It’s goung to be hard for a few days but you need to try a new routine
I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Windgate · 26/11/2018 05:23

How does your DH get up for work and what will you do when your maternity leave ends? It's madness to allow a 10 month old to rule the household and it isn't healthy for them, changing their internal clock won't be easy but is doable if you are both on board.

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Original poster

GemWigley2318 · 26/11/2018 05:30

It was ok in beginning when husband worked but the company he worked for went bust so he lost his job 2 months ago and srill looking for work now. He seems to like our son doing what he wants and then when were both tired he's the one that gets grumpy alot. His mother comes over almost every day and as she has no one to go back to (her husband died) she can stay over as late as 4 in the morning as she lives 2 doors down. He uses the excuse our son shouldn't go to bed because his nans round, basically DS doesn't go to bed till we do and with his mom leaving so late DS doesn't go to bed till ridiculous time

OP posts:

blackcat86 · 26/11/2018 05:45

You need to get a routine in place and stick to it regardless. DD (14 weeks) does 6:30-6:30 (or from 5:30am realistically) with a feed between 10/11pm. She is in bed at that time regardless of visits from grandparents and whilst that means that she disappears off at a certain time, her grandparents quite like being involved (Or more accurately observing) her being bathed, feed, massaged, pjs, feed, cuddled and put to bed. Having a baby awake until that time because a relative is there is ridiculous and actually quite cruel because they're day/night rhythm will be all over the place. Presumably if baby is sleeping all day it is affecting you taking them to playgroup/activities? How does DH think this can be sustained when he goes back to work or your mat leave ends?

Shadow1234 · 26/11/2018 05:45

I totally sympathise - your husband is being ridiculous.
When he eventually gets another job, he will obviously need to get sleep at night himself, so how does he think that will work??
Nip this in the bud asap, otherwise you will have more problems further down the line. Tbh, I'm surprised your MIL hasnt pulled your husband up on his behaviour. (surely she can still get to see her grandson afternoon/early evening even if he has a normal bedtime).

Limpshade · 26/11/2018 05:53

Ok so it's your DH causing the problem, not the baby.

You need to get yourself and the baby up by 8am. In bed by 8pm.

If his mum lives practically next door, why can't she just come around earlier? Just say your Health Visitor has advised you to change the routine. Or find a baby group you need to be up and out for in the morning and use that as a reason (not that you need one!) for her to see him at a reasonable time. If she's not around at night, then DH has no excuse to keep him up.

MrsBosh · 26/11/2018 06:01

Oh that sounds awful, you must be exhausted.
I think you need to try a few days of earlier get ups (8-9am) but just do it. If your partner and MIL don't think it's necessary that's their issue but you need to try this for you and your DS. Yes they absolutely should help but if they wont you need to power on with DS.

Feel sorry for your MIL but it's not healthy to stay up like that unecessarily. What do they do until 3/4am?

I sympathise - my 10mo goes to bed at 9/10pm. It's really not through lack of trying. He then wakes up about 8.30am so I'm not horribly sleep-deprived but I have no aline time and no time just me and DH!

It won't be like this forever.

Kokeshi123 · 26/11/2018 06:03

You need to get a routine in place and stick to it regardless.

This. Your DH is being the problem. He is acting like this is OK and that is damaging your ability to get a routine in place and stick to it.

Think about "sleep hygiene" and the use of lights in your house.

You need to have a relaxing evening routine where big brightly lit screens are switched OFF, there is a bath or something like that to calm the baby down, the lights are dimmed, gentle soothing music in the background and so on. Make sure your baby has a place to sleep that is not a place where they hang out and play during the daytime. Do a book, lullabies, whatever.

In the morning, set an alarm and get everyone up-- snap the lights on, draw the curtains, get some fresh air into the house, and make sure you get baby outside for lots of daylight and fresh air to re-set his natural body rhythm.

It sounds like you need to get grandma on side. I am very surprised that she is not putting her foot down about her grandchild being kept up at all hours? Is she lonely and craving loads of time with her grandchild? It's understandable, but the baby's needs have got to come first. If she won't get on side, you need to be very firm and tell her that "bedtime is at XX:XX which is in an hour's time, so we are about to start helping baby to wind down and get ready for sleep. I think he will settle better if it is just us, as he is always so excited to play with you whenever he sees you. See you tomorrow!" As a PP suggested, you can always use your doctor or health visitor as the bad guy ("The doctor said that we have to....") if you are worried about causing hurt feelings.

MrsBosh · 26/11/2018 06:03

Excuse typos - typing with one hand whilst feeding and DS flailing arms around so trying to avoid.

snitzelvoncrumb · 26/11/2018 06:11

Just change the routine, you don't need to ask. If your son is woken during the day I imagine he will be tired and grumpy, dh will want him to go to bed.

Fairylea · 26/11/2018 06:32

Your dh is being ridiculous.

Set a routine and stick to it - regardless of whatever time your ds goes to bed he wakes up for the day at 7 (or 8 at the latest). Up, dressed, out, lunch, nap then another short outing or play at home, bath, bed by 8pm.

Going to bed at 3am for such a young child is crazy!

bourbonbiccy · 26/11/2018 08:31

This sounds absurd, your are better trying to get him back in a routine. Wake him up at 9am with only short naps in the day ( waking him up) it will few tough but he will soon get back to his routine.

Ask grandma to go home at 7pm when you start bedtime routine, explain it is just while you get baby into routine. Hopefully it will also get grandma in a routine of going home at a normal hour and will become the norm.

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