Very very unsettled 7 week old - please help!

[Louise0410]

Hi

I have an extremely unsettled little boy. He has been unsettled since he was 1 week old and it seems to be getting worse and worse despite everyone assuring me that it will improve. Granted he has some nice awake time and smiles (!) but the majority of the time he is so upset.

He screams most of the day, is totally inconsolable and HATES feeding (I’m EBF but have tried a bottle on occasions to see I it is any better - it’s not and if anything just makes him more furious and windy).

So far we have tried

• the usual comforting holding, rocking, swaddling, a dummy, white noise etc.
• winding frequently during feeds when he comes off screaming
• cutting dairy from my diet for 2 weeks (made no difference to him just made me super miserable)
• reflux medications (hasn’t helped)
• infacol etc. (Doesn’t help)
• baby wearing for most of the day (sometimes helps but mostly just to get him to sleep)
• taking him off the breast when my let down happens (because it is quite strong and fast)
• laid back breastfeeding to slow the flow (he hates this)
• breast compressions to speed the flow (he also hates this)
• checked for tongue tie (doesn’t have it)
• his latch is great, I’ve had this checked loads of times.

It’s really heartbreaking because he is so so so unsettled and I feel as though its never going to end and that eventually he is going to refuse to feed altogether.

He is gaining weight very well (tracking his percentile line perfectly), plenty of wet and dirty nappies and he has been checked over by the docs multiple times. I can deal with the majority of unsettled periods but I’m finding the feeding really stressful because it’s so unclear whether he is satisfied because he comes off screaming during most feeds and no one seems to have any answers as to why. This happens irrespective of whether it’s the breast or bottle. I’m reluctant to stop breastfeeding because he responds in the same way to the bottle (even if someone else gives it to him and I’m not in the room) so it doesn’t really give any benefit.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Did it end at the magic 3 months? Is it just really severe colic? - it’s all day everyday not just a period in the evening or afternoon.

So far I’ve not been alone with him for more than a few hours in the day because my husband had an extended period of leave but soon he will be back at work and I don’t know how I’ll manage.

Thanks!

He might have colic but can't say for sure. Do you have a health visitor you can talk to?

HV has no idea and she has seen the traumatic feeding on many occasions - she’s spoken to the whole team and they have all drawn a blank given that we have ruled out all the main possibilities, been to breastfeeding clinics etc.

Doc thinks it will just pass eventually and all other checks are fine so really we just need to ride it out until such a time. It just seems like really extreme behaviour...

Try keeping a food diary - my first reacted to egg more than dairy but did react to both. Also did you fully exclude dairy or just obvious things?

It's a pig getting investigations if they are gaining ok!

Also has a specialist checked for tongue the?

You poor thing. So hard but massive well done on your efforts so far! My first was a bit like this for a while, it’s exhausting.
Some other ideas we used:
Cranial osteopathy in case he’s tight from the birth - could explain him not liking feeding
Cut out anything with soya as well
Hardcore types will say you need to come off dairy for 3 weeks for it to leave your system - grim I know
Hold him and bounce on a yoga ball
Try a stronger reflux med if you didn’t try them all
Try the special formulas and see if it helps
Noise cancelling headphones
Deep warm bath
Feed upright tummy to tummy
Hang in there x

Thanks for the egg suggestion. I excluded all dairy so read all the packets etc. I’ll try a food diary but really it’s every single feed so it’s not like I eat something and then it’s a couple of feeds afterwards that he is unsettled for it’s every single feed during and after.

Yep - a proper tongue tie specialist has checked him and not a hint of tongue tie.

Thanks adjsavedmylife - I feel like a broken woman. Thankfully my husband is super supportive.

Forgot to say we tried the osteopathy - no difference.

We are using Omeprazole for the reflux and the doc prescribed some hypoallergenic formula but he point blank refused to take it/when we did get some down him he vomited again.

When I did no dairy I also avoided soya. Maybe I need to try again and avoid egg too. I’m not sure what I’ll actually eat.

The main difficultly I have now is working out when he is actually hungry because he is so distraught constantly and rarely takes a decent feed/is on and off the breast so much it’s hard to work out when he is done. This makes nighttime a nightmare because I think he is hungry he won’t sleep and then won’t feed so just gets angrier and angrier.

When you say ‘a while’ are we talking until they were weaned.

I feel like it’s so hard getting anyone to understand how unsettled he is. I always get the ‘is this your first’ or ‘newborns are hard work it just takes time to adjust’ but I’ve been around newborns before and I’ve never ever experienced anything quite like this.

Thanks adjsavedmylife - I feel like a broken woman. Thankfully my husband is super supportive.

Forgot to say we tried the osteopathy - no difference.

We are using Omeprazole for the reflux and the doc prescribed some hypoallergenic formula but he point blank refused to take it/when we did get some down him he vomited again.

When I did no dairy I also avoided soya. Maybe I need to try again and avoid egg too. I’m not sure what I’ll actually eat.

The main difficultly I have now is working out when he is actually hungry because he is so distraught constantly and rarely takes a decent feed/is on and off the breast so much it’s hard to work out when he is done. This makes nighttime a nightmare because I think he is hungry he won’t sleep and then won’t feed so just gets angrier and angrier.

When you say ‘a while’ are we talking until they were weaned.

I feel like it’s so hard getting anyone to understand how unsettled he is. I always get the ‘is this your first’ or ‘newborns are hard work it just takes time to adjust’ but I’ve been around newborns before and I’ve never ever experienced anything quite like this.

Food diary might help you work out common factors - and give evidence for the doctors - but watch you don't restrict too much.

Other possibilities- I assume the osteopath didn't pick up anything but some kind of jaw/neck pain aggravated by feeding positions, latch not right internally but fine to look at (unlikely if you're not sure given how much he's feeding).

Lots of sympathy!

Just a thought as you have tried lots of things...

www.babydoc.com.au/faq/colic-bore-your-baby-to-sleep/

Have the docs suggested silent reflux at all? I know you have the reflux meds but that was the first thing I thought of when reading your story. My friend had a little baby with severe silent reflux and he was miserable and so withdrawn and tired. She often just had to put him in the pram and walk away for a minute. Does he take a dummy at all? The only other thing I could think was maybe the sucking motion of feeding is sore on his ears? That same friend's baby also needed tubes inserted in his ears, they thought the pain was causing him to be so unsettled but it also affected his hearing.

One think that really helped for me was taking a big deep bath with my son. Make sure your DP is home to help you the first time get in and out. He loved it.

I'm sorry this is so hard for you OP, it sounds heartbreaking.

My baby used to scream a lot and one day at a friend's house I tried him in a baby swing, and it soothed him for a little while (though admittedly not that long). I used to sit for hours on a rocking chair with him upright on me and the lights dimmed. The Magic Baby hold was also how we spent our evenings, pacing up and down. I used to be quite envious of pictures of my NCT friends because going out for a coffee and to baby classes was just out of the question for a while. I bought the Sears book - fussy baby book on Kindle and that helped me feel less alone and gave some decent strategies.

DS gradually improved, it wasn't overnight but by 12 weeks things were definitely better. And they have continued to get easier (he's a toddler now).

It sounds like you are doing all the right things OP, I really hope things start to improve soon. I found a local La leche league group invaluable if there is one near you, lots of understanding and caring folk.

Take care

Cranial osteopathy was good for my DS as well as baby massage.

No magic wand I’m afraid.

It was around the classic 12 week mark that he got a bit better. And he had silent reflux so once we had the meds sorted that helped too. Plus he was a bit early and I think his system needed to mature. Some people say that (even for term babies) that this is the basic issue underlying a lot of colic type symptoms. Is he quite strainy too?

If he’s in discomfort and not sleeping well, he could also be very overtired. So protecting his sleep also key - keeping him in the sling as you’re currently doing, holding him if he needs it , etc etc

I’m glad your DH is supportive. It’s really hard and horrible seeing them in discomfort. DS is AMAZING now, such good company. It sucks I know but you will get there. you’re doing so much to help him, he’s lucky to have you

Have you heard of infant dyschezia? I think it often hits around that time. It's grim bit does get better.

Could be intolerant to more than dairy. The 'big four' are cow's milk, soy, egg and gluten. You could try cutting them out (I know it would be miserable....). But he could be intolerant to all those, and lots more. To give you an idea, my DD is intolerant to dairy, soy, gluten, plus a whole heap of other fruit and veg, plus some fish. We only really started getting to the bottom of it during weaning. At three, she is starting to be able to tolerate more foods, but it is a slow process.....

It was cabbage/cauliflower/ broccoli and other cruciferous vegetables that gave my nipper terrible wind. All of which I craved in pregnancy!!
Happily I realised fairly quickly (with a little insight from people getting more sleep than me).
Might be worth a try? ❤️

Can I just send you an ENORMOUS hug. You poor thing. I don’t know the answer but I will say that This Too Shall Pass so stay strong. (Not to say you shouldn’t look for ways to get it to pass faster!). Good luck!

Yikes you poor thing. My first baby was tough (not as tough as you have it though) and I really feel for you.

I’m reluctant to suggest stuff as it’s so bloody annoying when people offer their well meaning magic bullet and you’ve already tried EVERYTHING and all you actually want is for someone to say: ‘wow, this is really hard and you are doing the best you can. Well done’. So please know that you are doing amazingly and also feel free to ignore any annoying advice below.

I second taking deep baths together (if he’ll tolerate those?) and also reading the Sears high needs baby stuff. Have you tried co-sleeping and feeding lying down while he is almost asleep? I know it’s not for everyone. In practical terms, I’d get the freezer filled up with stuff you can microwave for lunch once your DH goes back to work, and don’t let him leave the house in the mornings until you’ve had breakfast and a shower.

I promise it does get easier and the toddler tantrums will be a breeze in comparison. DD1 started to get a bit easier at 3 months and then it got better and better gradually. Please don’t think you are doing anything wrong. Some babies cry lots and it’s hard to know why. The crying seems quieter outdoors. I used to walk in the park A LOT.

Good luck

I have no advice, but just want to offer support and hope. My baby pretty much cried all day every day, it was the worst thing I've ever been through. Worst was from around 7 weeks to 10 weeks; just constant. Then at about 11 and a half weeks it for noticeably better - I went round to a friend's and expected a nightmare and he sat calmly on my lap?!

Since then we've has ups and downs, and he still has some tough days, but not even close to how it was. He's five months and now giggles and smiles regularly (although is probably still on the trickier end of the spectrum). He loves being out and about and watching people, and have even had comments about how chilled he seems?! Little do they know.

Anyway, just some hope for you. Hang on in there. There was no real cause for his crying, just pissed off at being a gassy baby I think. It will get better.

Thanks so much for all the support and advice.

We saw a consultant who suspects reflux and intolerance so I’m back on an exclusion diet and we have some different meds to try. His refusal to feed is getting so much worse so hopefully we see a big improvement soon. It’s heartbreaking and exhausting.

@Louise0410 - This is a long shot as 2 years have passed... But did things get better with your little man? I have a 7 week old and could have written your post word for word. We are at a complete loss at what to do as he is just inconsolable all day every day and have tried/investigated everything that you did. Would love to know if things got better in time!

Hello.

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. My little boy is two now and he is the easiest little toddler (hoping it lasts!). He eats, he sleeps, he rarely cries and he is just amazing.

Things that helped us:

Omeprazole (his reflux was really bad and was damaging his oesophagus)
Dairy free (I was breast feeding and he couldn’t tolerate any dairy)
Time - it took a good 6 months to see a big improvement. He was a very hard baby and it was exhausting. It’s difficult to comprehend how hard it is unless you have been there. It must be extra hard without baby classes etc at the moment so please try to get out for a walk every day and speak to your GP to see if they can offer any more support. I pushed for a paediatrician referral in the end and I’m glad I did because they helped a lot with his allergy and reflux and made me feel like I wasn’t just a useless mum.

Honestly it will get better. He is the best little guy these days and it’s like those first 6 months were just someone else. He is pretty headstrong and generally frustrated as a baby so that bit of his personality probably didn’t help matters.

Good luck and let me know if you have any more questions!

@moonriver32 forgot to tag you.

@moonriver32 how are you doing? I have a 4 week old and could also have written OPs post! Really hope things got better for you. @Louise0410 so pleased things did for you x