Honestly this is really disturbing. I know babies can be annoying, but it's normal to cope in ways like complaining to your partner/friends about it, changing the words to a nursery rhyme to rude ones as a joke (if they aren't talking yet obv), taking a break at the time of the annoyance, calling your child an affectionate nickname, etc - but continuing to bear a grudge isn't normal, neither is seeing innocuous things as manipulative. Actually him blanking her I would go so far as to say is emotionally abusive behaviour.
You can't spoil a baby with cuddles. If you're doing sleep training then yes you can mess it up by bringing the baby into bed if that's what you're trying to cut out, but that isn't the same thing as general "spoiling" and wouldn't affect other behaviours like clinginess during the day.
It's OK to decide sleep training isn't the right approach right now and to wait and see if things improve on their own, or try again at a later point, or try another approach. You should be able to discuss this. If he won't discuss things that's not a communicative/collaborative approach.
Even if you do decide to sleep train, it doesn't work in one night. He has really unrealistic expectations.
I think you should explain all of these points to the health visitor and see what she says with both of you there. He probably won't start an argument with another person there, and she's not "the internet".
BTW, did he want you to come back to your room because he wants more sex? That's my cynical reading between the lines... (not a HV discussion topic 
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