Stepson Co Sleeping with his mum

[EWTx3]

Hi, I'm totally new to this!
I've got a 16 year old daughter and two step sons, aged 13 and 7.
The boys live with us every other week but for the last 3 years the eldest, 13 now, has been sleeping every night with his mum when he is at her house. He sleeps in his own room, in his own bed at our house.
His dad and I are becoming increasing worried about this. His emotional development is less than his peers at school. (He still has a blanket and sucks his thumb). He can be very withdrawn, he seems to be isolating himself from friends in school.
He now finds it hard to fall asleep at our house, needing to know that someone is still awake whilst he goes to sleep. He also won't go on sleepovers, and finds going to stay with our family stressful, all relating to sleep.
Has anyone got any advice as to what to do? I feel deeply uncomfortable that he is sharing her bed every night he is there. He is starting to go through puberty and I do worry about long term emotional reactions he may have now. Or am I worrying needlessly? We both feel that it shouldn't be this way at his age but as this is something neither of us or our other children have gone through, we don't know what to think.
Thank you.
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Mind your business and keep your nose out of another mother and her child

From the little information you've provided it sounds as though the child has some emotional difficulties, and the co-sleeping is a part of his mother's response to his current needs, rather than being a problem in itself. For whatever reason, he is displaying some infantile behaviours and she is meeting his needs as she sees them. I agree with her, I would do the same. If I were her/his father, I would be worried about why he still has those needs, rather than focusing on whether or not to give him the security he is asking for.

It sounds odd for sure, but I think it needs to be dealt with between their father and mother

Is anything else being done for him? Is he being assessed for developmental issues or seeing a counsellor? Are there problems at school? Was his parents' split particularly traumatic? Those are the questions I would be asking.

fabaunt, that's harsh. The OP is concerned for her DSS - and that's a good thing. However, OP, your DH should be talking to his ex wife to find out why their son shares her bed and then help to find ways in which the boy can become independent of her. His problem, but your concern because of your relationships.

Thanks for your replies. I can go into more detail.
Their divorce was quite traumatic. The mum is on a police warning for her aggressive behaviour in public around the children. My stepson has had a counsellor at school since he was 9 and continues to do so. His secondary school called Social Services about their concerns over the mother's behaviour in Feb and May this year. They eventually got in touch with us in October. They are concerned about her apparent mood swings and a depression that he has described to his counsellor. We had to say that we don't feel he is in any physical danger but we do worry about his emotional needs. He now has a Targeted Youth Support worker, who meets him once a week for about 5 weeks. She is great and is trying to help his apparent anxiety.
Yes, this is my husbands worry but I am obviously just trying to help him. His ex wife won't communicate with us civilly and so it is very hard to have a discussion about it.