To be upset about how DH handled this because it was ‘normal’ four year old behaviour...

[QueenofmyPrinces]

We have a son who is 4.5 years and we recently enrolled him in a martial arts class which he was very excited about.

When he went to his first lesson last week with my DH there were five other boys in the group who had already been attending for a few weeks so knew each other of sorts.

My DH text me from the class to say that DS was upset, crying, refusing to join in and that it was “bloody embarrassing.”

The class was 30 minutes long and for the last 5-10 minutes DS did join in and the teacher gave him a “star
Of the week” sticker.

DS came home all excited about his sticker and my DH said he didn’t deserve it because of how silly he’d acted.

DH has since gone on to say that our DS has no social skills and again said how embarrassed he was.

I said that he is expecting too much too soon. In my eyes, a 4 year old is obviously going to be nervous and reluctant when he joins a new activity, especially when he doesn’t know anyone and all the others already know each other.

I said the teacher obviously recognised what a big step it was for DS to eventually join in and that’s why he gave him the sticker, as an act of praise and to encourage DS to participate.

Anyway, it’s his second session this week, he’s excited about going but DH keeps saying what a waste of time it will be. He said that I can take DS this time because he’s not “being embarrassed like last time” again.

I feel like DH is really impacting on DS’s confidence levels and I have told him that his attitude/comments have upset me but he thinks I’m overreacting.

He sounds a bit like my dad.

We're all NC with him as adults. He has never met either of his grandchildren.

You may wish to point this out to your DH. Sometimes, actions have consequences.

Dear OP please keep encouraging your DS as you usually do.

I'm not a fan for what your DH did for your DS. How he taught your DS to swim reminded me how my DM taught/trained me for many things when I was a kid. This pushy way may get your DS done/completed something ( like you said DS reached the the other side finally), but from my own experience I could hardly actually enjoy many things which I supposed to enjoy as a kid. Just too much stress and the only thing important seemed to be the final result rather than the whole process. I don't think that will help a young kid from the longer term aspect. Sorry but perhaps you and your DH should have a chat about this, like which is the better way for your DS?

My partner acts like this when we take our 2 year old to football class. He doesn't get that she clearly hates football and would rather run off and mess about.

Well I took him to his class tonight and he was amazing!!!

He joined in straight from the beginning and he really enjoyed himself. I couldn’t believe how brilliant he was in terms of joining in seeing as how much he’d struggled last week. I think the teacher was quite surprised too!

He tried all the new moves and wasn’t fazed by the fact that all the other children were obviously better than him (as they were already an established class) and he just gave it his best.

I was on the sidelines with a big stupid grin on his face! Every time he did something new he’d look over at me with a big smile and I could have burst with pride!!

At the end of the class we walked back to the car and I told him how fantastic he’d done and how proud I was and he said, “thank you mommy for being impressed with me” and then gave me a lovely cuddle.

I think my husband is just going to have to accept that the tough approach isn’t the way to handle DS.

It’s DH’s turn to take DS next week so it will be interesting to see if things go as well....

That’s lovely to hear Queen. Well done to your son, he sounds like a star!