How can I be a better parent

[Hopskipjumping]

I really don't know where I'm going wrong. I am finding my 7 year old son incredibly frustrating. I have a two year old daughter and actually find her easier. Yes she throws tantrums and clings to my legs whilst I try to cook dinner but im not sure if its because I expect more from 7 year old but he's very irritating.

Let me explain some examples from today.

1, at breakfast table he winds up 2 year old saying "thats my breakfast!!" So she screams noooo its mine!!! He continues to wind her up and does it often.

2, after breakfast he went to watch tv. I work full time and OH is working abroad so its stressful. I sit with two year old whilst she finishes breakfast whilst he watches tv. Its then time to get ready. I ask him nicely to turn tv off now. Ignores me, I ask him again. I clean dishes away and shout from kitchen again. When I exit kitchen and he still hasn't turned it off I get angry, shout to turn it off.

3, from 3-5pm hes at my mums house until I finish work (after school). My mum drops him off at my house at 5pm and he said to my mum as he got out the car " tell my mum im away to xyz house (his friend a few doors away). He doesn't want to come and say hi to me, speak to me or even ask if hes allowed to go to friends house. My mum said no go say hi to your mum. I say after homework he can go. So he rushes homework and goes to friends house.

4, at 6:30pm I go and collect him as I want to see him before bedtime. He starts crying and pleading to play ps4 with his friend (they can play each other online) I say no not tonight. He continues to scream, cry and plead until bedtime. He made himself ill by crying so much.

Is this just normal 7 year old behaviour or could I be doing something differently to help? I try to be strict but also allow him to have some enjoyment in terms of playing with friends, watching tv and playing PlayStation but don't know what else I can do. Its hard to see when im in the midst of it.

I just wondered from your OP if this is your usual routine? If so it doesn’t sound like your DS spends much time interacting with you.

Winding his sister up sounds like he’s trying to get your attention. Do you have time where you read with him, talk about his day/play with him?

I have literally just started working full time, previous to this I was a sahm so there has been a massive change in our routine.

I do try to schedule time with him although admittedly it is difficult particularly when OH is working away.

He seems not to want to spend any time with me however. He has two boys on our street and they are all constantly together. Not a day goes by where they don't go in for each other, which is great as he loves it and they play outside with football or bikes but he literally has no interest in staying in.

Like tonight when he got dropped off he just said tell my mum im away out, it annoyed me as I miss him and I want him to at least ask to go out with friends.

You're probably right, I do need to spend more time with him. Every weekend when the 2 year old is down we watch xfactor with snacks and he loves it and looks forward to it. But during the week its all go go go and both kids 121 time is very little.

It is really hard to find the right balance - it may well have something to do with you going back to work, especially if he had more time with you when you were a SAHM, and now his whole routine is different. (Obviously this cant be helped, but maybe the transition wasnt easy for him)
Agree with other poster, it does seem like he is trying to get your attention, and he might not be doing it in the right way, but in his little mind its working I personally wouldnt tell him to turn the tv off - I would say something along the lines of '5 more minutes then I have to turn the tv off', and turn it off yourself (take back control) and this gives him a little warning of how long he has left to watch tv.

Children will always try to press our buttons and test boundaries, but I dont think you are doing anything wrong.

Apparently your 7yr. old kid seeks for your attention.

Set some ground rules. Like no TV ever before school. And no gaming with friends after dinner, only on weekends. Then you wont need to discuss it every day.

Maybe tell him if he is ready for school he can play with his toys for a little while.
At night when dd is in bed have him up another half hour in his pyjamas so ye can chat, hang out together, read aa book.
Screens cause a lot of problems so less screens, less problems.
More one to one is what helps.
There is going to be an adjustment period as you go to work so don't beat yourself up it will take a while.

You could also say if he is around at friends you will give him a ten minute warning of time for home and if he argues he misses one evening. So the happier he is to come home the happier you are to let him off next evening. I'm sure he misses his friends at your dm. Could he get homework done there when he and you are less tired.