This is what I did...but what SHOULD I have done?

[Ca55andraMortmain]

DD age 3 was watching TV in the run-up to bed time. Baby DD was unusually settled with dh upstairs so I went and sat with dd1 and watched with her. As bed time approached I warned her that after the episode we would go upstairs to put jammies on etc. I reminded her again during the episode that after the Duggee hug the telly would go off. She switched it off no bother but when I took her hand to go upstairs she started using a really moany, babyish voice to tell me she was hungry. I reminded her of what she'd had for dinner, offered her milk (which she refused) and took her upstairs, trying to engage her in a game of jumping up the stairs. I got her her toothbrush, which she threw at me, her jammies, which she threw on the floor and offered her a story for once she was ready. She started screaming and throwing books around the room, at which point I told her, still in a pleasant but firm voice, that I had been looking forward to putting her to bed, reading her some stories and singing songs together, but if she was going to shout at me and throw things then once she was in her pyjamas I would just leave her to it and go back downstairs. She proceeded to lie on the floor screaming so I gave her a few minutes and then offered to help her get dressed. She repeated the whole rigmarole of chucking her pyjamas around while screaming like a banshee so I gave her a kiss, switched her light off, told her I loved her and went downstairs.

She went completely bananas and lay at the top of the stairs wailing that she was sorry and she wanted me to come back up. I gave her until she was crying rather than shouting, took her into my bed for a cuddle and then back into her room where I dressed her and put her to bed with no story (because I felt I should follow through with what I had said and also because it was getting late) but I sang her a few songs. Throughout bedtime she kept sobbing that she wanted daddy to put her to bed.

I was so happy to get to do bed time as it's quite rare these days due to the baby, and it all went wrong. If you've got this far I'd appreciate any advice - where in that spectacular shit show of a bed time could I or should I have done something differently to salvage the situation? I'm feeling rubbish about it so while I do want advice, please don't be too brutal.

You did nothing wrong. She probably is just letting loose on all the emotions won’t up from sharing you. You kept the boundaries and didn’t lose your cool, no mean feat. Have a cup of tea and relax

Pent up not wont up.

Nope, to me it sounds like you handled it perfectly.

3 is hard but it won’t last forever

That's exactly what I would have done. She's growing up and every now and then, children push out to find out where 'the edge' is.

It is kind and loving for us as parents to reassure them that the edge is still there, that there are consequences to their behaviour and to follow through.

Children are comforted when things play out as they expect. Even if it's a negative - if it's what they were told will happen, ultimately, they will be more secure if the threat is carried out.

That's how I explain it to myself!

Don't be so hard on yourself OP, you handled that great! It sounds like she has a lot of big emotions but she's 3, they all do! Well done for keeping your cool, that's more than can be said for me most times in similar situations with my 2yo.

I think you did just fine actually. Don’t beat yourself up. She’s pushing boundaries and you stood firm. You made it quite clear that she is loved. Have some wine/ that’s my answer to all patenting woes- good practice for the real test when they become teens.

Bloody hell, I think you handled it perfectly! She's 3, thee willbe times when she has tantrums or is irrational or releases all her frustrations at you, especially when she's tired or the routine is different. You can't see it as a failure on your part every time things don't go well, you will run yourself into the ground. You stayed calm, reassured her she was loved, let her express her feelings, and got her into bed without getting angry yourself. You did fine

Oh thank you, I don't think I handled it that well. I was so annoyed with her for running the first time in ages I'd put her to bed and when I left her to go downstairs, although I kissed her etc, I'm sure she could see I was angry. You're right @MamaLovesMango - is only been 5 weeks since her birthday but so far 3 is hard!

3 is a nightmare age, I think you handled it perfectly OP. Wish I could be as patient as you.

You did a good job, she is testing your boundaries and the limits of your love now a new baby is here. Ds2 did this when DS3 arrived, it did pass. They can feel how much you want this to work and somehow it makes things more likely to blow up.

It might happen regardless of what you do, but I think if you do more of trying to make things fun like your jumping on the stairs, it can help. My 3 year old is big on reverse psychology (I bet you can't get up the stairs before me etc). Also remember she is still small even if she now seems large in comparison, so avoid any language around her being big or how you expect more. You can tell the baby how lucky he/she is to have a great sister and sometimes say things like loudly say 'just a minute, baby, I'm with [dd1] now, I'll be with you soon', or interpret the baby's language to say how she's saying her big sister is funny etc. It doesn't work every time, but we've taken this approach and it's helped our older boys bond early with their new siblings (the fighting still kicks in later though!)

This was my 4yr old yesterday, the little cherub shit went to bed with no jamas on in the end because he was ripping them off when I was putting them on and my smiling through gritted teeth and Mary Poppins faux smile was wearing thin

I try to stay calm, not chuck him out the window and follow through with any threats, ie no story

You're not alone!

(My phone doesn't do paragraphs, sorry!)

Sounds like you did amazingly OP. I hope I can be as calm and patient as you when my DD reaches 3. I thought it was 2 we were supposed to dread? 🤔 Xx

You handled it well. She is a threenager. She will have forgotton about it by morning. If she brings it up you could say. ‘Mummy loved you, you need to do as Mummy asks’ And then leave it at that.
Emotionally it can be hard though

You did nothing wrong at all !!!

I used to set a kitchen timer for my 3 year old and we played a game of trying to beat the clock to get ready for bed whilst we heard the timer ticking away. We used to jump for joy when we beat it ( I always made sure we had more time than needed. 😉

Feel free to worry but not at the point that you will be carrying this problem in your entire life. It's a kid and it's normal you are showing that you do not spoil her.