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Parenting

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Confused child

7 replies

Servibabe · 20/11/2018 12:53

My 15 year old daughter is struggling with her identity. She is 15, but only looks about 12-13. She has autism and ADD and struggles with making and keeping friends, she seems to be drawn to transgender and girls in conflict with their identity. She spends all her time designing and making LGBT posters, pictures, etc and wants to dress like a boy. She has recently had her hair cut short, and although the deal was she styles it each morning to make it look like a girls pixie cut rather than a boys haircut she is failing to do this. She has tried to go out of the house with just one earring in, and is constantly finding ways to look like a boy. She has also recently told me she is lesbian, but the followings day told me boys are sexier.
My thought on this is she is copying to fit in and due to her autism is doing what she Thinks is expected rather than making a rational decision for herself. I don't think she is being bullied as she has been accused of copying by one of the girls who is identifying as a boy.

I would not have a problem with this choice if I knew it was genuine, but I'm afraid it is taking over her life and true identity and I don't have a clue how to deal with it. Any one with experience of this and any suggestions would be great.

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 20/11/2018 19:44

I don’t think honk I’d have much of a problem with her going out looking like a boy. I think I’m more in the camp of letting her do it and not commenting, a bit like you do with toddler behaviour.

Lots of children explore being the other sex for a while and most grow out of it. Sone don’t, and that’s fine too.

If she’s having problems making and keeping friends, has she read “How to make friends and influence people?”

What’s she doing to help her ADD? Meditation? Diet? Exercise?

Servibabe · 20/11/2018 23:40

Thank you for your thoughts in this, it has developed into her now wanting to identify as a boy at school, which is where this has originated from. Again not a problem but I feel the school are encouraging it by suggesting counselling????? Why make the big deal out of it, and just let it run its course. Either she is or she isn't, suggesting counselling is making her different, giving her more reasons to be different because she is getting attention.

I am going to ask for a meeting at the school to find out what exactly they do in these situations as apparently unbeknown to me she was given a tie to wear and was told when she had short hair she could wear it, so hence the new haircut, surely I should have been informed way before today.

Maybe I am being over protective and should just let her go with the flow, but as a parent I feel, should protect her from possible ridicule, or harm, or bullying due to her inability to make safe choices for herself.

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PaulMorel · 21/11/2018 04:40

I am glad to hear that you do support your daughter in spite of criticizing and reject her. Support is all they need with proper guidance so don't surrender on her.

Rachelover40 · 21/11/2018 04:47

What JiltedJohnsJulie said. Let her be as she wants to be and don't make a big deal out of it. She's only 15.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 21/11/2018 06:38

Sorry, I don’t know where that random honk came from Grin

FTMF30 · 21/11/2018 06:59

There was a piece on the rise in autistic children suddenly identifying as transgender in schools on (what used to be called)The Wright Stufff on channel 5 yesterday.
I wasn't paying much attention to it, but it may be of interest to you. There was a bit of a debate. Maybe you could watch it on catch up.

Servibabe · 21/11/2018 23:43

Thank you all, i will lookmupmthat program and watch it. Things a re sorted at school and we are allowing her to identify as a boy in as much as uniform but not anything else as she hasn't asked yet and we don't want to openly encourage this, just support her. She seems happier now so hopefully things will die down for the time being and we will deal with what ever comes up next later.

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