Daughter saying odd things at home- should I speak to her teacher?

[Luluuuuuuuuuu85]

Hi All,

My daughter started reception in September and has settled well. She has been quite 'difficult' the past few weeks, really pushing the boundaries. Over the weekend she said two things that I found upsetting- firstly she told me that she was going to 'hurt me, really hurt me' if I didn't do something that she wanted me to do (I can't remember what it was). Secondly, she threatened to cut up a book that was on the table next to her, again when we wouldn't do something she wanted. She has never said anything like that before and I think she must have heard it from somewhere else- is this a normal thing for a young child to say?! She's my oldest so have nothing to compare it to.

TIA

It is not at all unusual for a child her age to come out with language that sounds very violent to an adult hearer. Young children have strong emotions and haven't always learnt the self-control to refrain from expressing them. I don't think you need to look for a model here: it's not terribly advanced language or thinking.

What I think you should be looking at is the fact that she seems upset and worried. Is she struggling with settling into school? Is there another child upsetting her or is she finding it difficult to get on with the other children?

So yes, a word with the teacher is probably a good idea, but I wouldn't phrase it as "she is learning this from the other children", more "do you think there could be anything upsetting her?"

Thank you- my concern isn’t just based on the language she is using, it is also the sentiment. I suspect there is some unkindness at school/ at the childminder although she is always happy to go and her teacher said she seemed to have settled in well right before half term...

Have you talked to the childminder and teacher to see if your dd is using language like that to the other children. I understand that you are worried your child is becoming a bully, but that language does not necessarily mean that she is being unkind in school, or at the childminders. She sounds angry, it doesn’t mean she is being unkind to others though.

No, I wouldn't bring that to the teacher. It's something that's happened at home and I think it needs to be addressed at home unless it's linked to a specific incident at school. Honestly, that unfortunately sounds pretty par for the course for a 4 year old that's started school. It's a really difficult time and they are learning to regulate their emotions and are tired and it's all very new. I would work on ways to help her deal with her tiredness and frustration and feelings at home when these things happen. I hate to say it, but 5 is really tough and it only gets worse! Mine is about to turn 6 (Year 1) and we're only just starting to come out of it. Everyone I know has gone through the same in Reception and the start of Year 1. But if there is a specific incident that is worrying that's related to school that triggered it, then yes, then I would raise it with the teachers. My dd recently had a few incidents when she's been shut in a toilet cubicle by a friend and not allowed out and it really distressed her, so she was being really tearful and emotional at home. I went and spoke to the teachers about that, which I think makes sense as it relates to school. If they do see any similar behaviour at school, they'll definitely be addressing it through whatever channels they have for dealing with these sorts of things though. But yes, it's a really tough time and I think it's all very normal (if truly hell ish).

Talk to your child sincerely and daily. Know everything because at her age bullying starts.