An unusual one

[cheff2011uk]

I had a one night stand around July time and it has came to light that i am to be a father. Now i have no real connection tot his girl ... i mean i know her through a friend so i am not a complete random stranger. Anyhoo ... so she informed on the 13th of Nov 2018 that i was a father to be... so i am over the moon and have told this girl i will support her 100%, money, lifts, needs company.......now as the biological father i want to be on the birth certificate and be part of her life.....but this seems to of caused an issue... now i have been blocked on fb ( only way of contact ) and told i wont be on the birth line until the social work have left .... this i dont understand and i dont want that. I have spoke to a family lawyer and i can go down the apply to court for a presumed parentage and pending a dna test on birth ...there really isnt anything i she can do to stop me going on this certificate...but again a moral dilemma has occurred as she already has a 11 year old boy so she thinks if i go on the birth line she will lose her older one .....so i came on here for advise read some forums and was shocked to here the hatred from single or expecting mothers about how men shouldnt be on the line and they will only cause problems later ....which is not the case here so anybody got any advise

Try reason with her and if she won’t reason take her to court. So many hit and run dads out there and when you try do the decent thing you’re shot down. Her older child is not your concern, your unborn child is

What do you mean ‘birth line’? Do you mean the birth certificate?

There is something odd going on with her thinking she will lose her child and mention of social worker.

It would be best if you can get along without involving the courts but if you can’t then definitely go down the court route. If she is not cooperating I will also consider contacting SS not because she is doing something wrong but because it sounds like they are already involved and it maybe helpful if they know about your existence.

Why are you calling it a birth line? Is that a thing?

Why are social services involved? And why does she think she’ll lose her child if you’re named as the father?

OP, is there a possibility you are not the dad?

Maybe that's why she doesn't want you on the birth lines and yes, to the previous poster who asked, birth/marriage lines are a "thing" very common in Scotland anyway, to refer to the certificates as "lines".

Funny enough though I have never heard of "death lines"

I think you really do have to go down the DNA route before you or she can make any further decisions about how to approach parenting this baby.

Thanks MrsPresley I have never heard of that phrase and I could not find anything on google.

I would be concerned at her mentioning social services and the possibility of losing her other child - I would definitely be doing all I could to get official responsibility, including getting names on the birth certificate, and once that was secure I would get in touch with social services and inform them of the situation, as it is unusual.

I’m not saying to report her for neglect, perhaps it’s a misunderstanding and if she has mentioned anything to do with SS, as the father of this new baby I would be making myself known to them and be demonstrating that I am available as an involved and responsible parent.

Congratulations :) I don’t want to read too much into the very brief and secondhand account of what you’ve said but is it possible with your circumstances to be the primary carer of this little one?

Just rereading it again and it does actually sound a little troubling - is she under the care of social services because they are not sure if she is going to be able to take care of her baby? Could you phone them even before you sort the legal stuff, just mention her name, that she’s told you that she is pregnant with your child but that she has mentioned something to do with SS that implied they would be involved with your unborn baby? I’m not sure how social services work especially in Scotland but I think it’s a good thing to do right? The worst they can do is say that she’s not known to them
and that there is no problem?

There is nothing you can do to force her to name you on the birth certificate when she registers the birth. You have been given the correct advice that to gain parental responsibility you will need to get a DNA test and go to court.

It doesn't make any apparent sense that she might have her 11 year old taken into care, just because she names you as the father of her new baby. Have you asked her to explain what she means?