My role as a stepmom. When can I raise concerns?

[Stepmamajama]

I suspect my stepdaughter has a form of autism or aspergers and i don't know how to raise my concerns.
My step daughter is 6 and has some habits which include:
Licking her top lip
Clicking her fingers
Whistling
Shaking her head
Staring at people
Repeating words with no obvious context.

Along with a few other things which makes her who she is. Like not liking hugs. She does give hugs but she doesn't embrace. She stays very stiff and just opens her arms out to you. Feels like if you hug a friend that isn't into physical contact.

I've raised concerns with her dad / my husband before who just waves his hand at me and tell me she's fine. He has a fear of her being bullied and hates the idea of anything that might make her different. Her mom hasn't seemed to have noticed anything. But now my stepdaughter is in proper school I'm worried she's not getting the support that she might need now or in the future.

How am I best raising this issue without sounding like I know better?

Help.

It's lovely that you care but unfortunately this is up to the parents so if they won't do anything then there isn't much you can do

Wouldn't the school have noticed if there was something amiss?
Does she have friends? Social skills with her peers?

If her mother isn't concerned and her father is dismissive, then hard as it will be for you, you have to step back and just see what happens. But I do think the school would spot any issues so I wouldn't worry too much.

I believed this about my ss from when he was 2 he is now 9, My dh couldnt or didnt want to believe it at the time his Mum didnt notice anything, and had an obsession with pretending he was perfect.
It wasnt until he was 8 that my dh started to really realise after alot of behavioural problems getting worse. He contacted the Mum who infact had realised and not told him bizarelly that she had very recently sought help.
I think suggesting it to your other half is the way to go but they themselves have to be able to realise it as frustrating as it is.

Ish on the friends front. If you ask her about friends at school she answers everybody is her friend.

She's generally a happy kid and isn't withdrawn at all. It's in one to one conversations you notice things like, if you ask her a question she will force a laugh instead of answering until you've asked her another 2/3 times.

"T have you got your bag ready?"
forced laugh
"T gave you got your bag?"
forced laugh
"T can you hear me?"
"Yeah my bags here"

The school have referred her for speech therapy because she has a lisp as well as generally struggling with words especially in past tense. So I'm worried they've missed other stuff because the speech has been the most obvious.

Just to let you know op school didnt realise when my ss's Mum voiced her concerns.

It’s none of your business

I think unfortunately you can’t get involved. If there are issues when she is with and you strongly feel it’s asd I’d put things in place to help with that and leave her parents to come to their own conclusions.